|Reviews for Adam and Evan|
| Jitterbug Blues chapter 2 . 6/18/2014
To be honest, I think I took the first chapter far too literally - I thought that Adam really had been born 'blue' ;_; (I am so stupid fkfjkffkfjfk /more keysmash). I had to go back and um, clarify that XD. Anyhow, I really like the tone of this chapter: it’s quite light on the surface, but that’s a deceit; the closer you read, the more you pay attention to what’s actually going on, you realise that this quite dark and even macabre. But I love that, because the tone makes the story even more interesting :D
I really like the writing style in this chapter too: it's every breezy and easy to go through, but there a lot of lines that I find very clever (especially the dialogue, like the dog with weed :D). Anyhow, I like the writing style, because it's not only easy to go through and utterly well-flowing, but really fun because of its clever, snarky lines.
I like how you tackle the themes of isolation in this chapter. I think you're handling it refreshingly, because it's dark and sad, but it's not heavy-handed: you kind of get the idea that while Adam has some *serious* issues (the retreat into his own world and only having a therapist as a friend), you somehow don't make it ouright emo or suffocating. I like that, because while I appreciate darkness and gritty things, I'm not against a more darkly humorous approach (Joss Whedon is my God :D).
I enjoy the plotline, as bizarre as it is, but that adds to the flavour of the story; it reminds me a bit of Quentin Tarantino antics in its suddenness, what with the intruder just popping in like this XD. And Adam being quite fine with it, after a while :D It's really strange, but I enjoy it, because of the tone I've already mentioned before, and the things it could been for Adam. :3
| alltheeagles chapter 8 . 6/17/2014
For the RG EF
I’m on a roll! :) So here I am again...
I like the plot. Now that I’ve reached the downward slope of the tale, I can admire the shapeliness of it. You set up the premise, introduced the complication(s) and here is the climax. Evan is missing! Did something go wrong with the drug/alcohol thing? Is the relationship over? The reader, suitably alarmed, hurries to read on.
I like that mama is finally stepping up. (Heck, even dad got into the act when he carried Adam back inside) Anyway I feel suitably smug that I was right and mama does love him, she just got buried under all the stuff that happened. We read about wondrous parents of ‘special’ children who overcome impossible odds, but the truth is, the majority of ordinary people WOULD crumple under the burden of having a child like that, who essentially can never grow up and will remain dependent on somebody (by default, them, the parents) for life. It sounds very much like a life sentence to me.
I apologise again for being all depressing and serious in reviewing what should be a lighthearted piece. I don’t know if you’re doing that on purpose... slipping in big heavy issues under the guise of a fluffy love story. If you are, well, congratulations, it’s working. If not, I apologise again for my own pompous pretentiousness.
| alltheeagles chapter 7 . 6/17/2014
RG multi-chap, easy fix
Ok, I’m not sad this time, thankfully. I don’t support the drugs or the alcohol, and most certainly not the two in combination, but I suppose it’s realistic. Teens do this stuff cause hey, they’re immortal and indestructible. So I guess I like the realism of the situation?
I like the computer simile with the RAM and battery life, though I can’t vouch for the accuracy of it having not personally tried any white powders before. I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt on that.
Um... nothing much else to say, really. The breakdown in grammar is amusing. I see from your ANs that I might be expected to notice something about their parents, and that you’re dropping clues to something that will come up, but well, so far I don’t see anything. I figure I’m thick, but never mind, I trust all will be revealed in good time.
| alltheeagles chapter 6 . 6/17/2014
RG, Multi-chp easy fix
Oh man... this is supposed to be a humorous romance, and here I am getting misty-eyed. Adam and his mother... a hug and a universe apart. Well, at least they have an excuse, which is more than I can say for the other dysfunctional families that enact this scene. So I guess what I’m saying is that I like the drama. You write it well and not too heavy-handedly.
Mom agreeing to arrange a party for a friend she believes might be imaginary, well, Adam might respond with exasperation, but me, I see it as love. She loves her son after all, whatever was stated about her trials over having a sick son.
I generally hate confrontations, whether reading them or writing them or being actually involved in them. But I have to say that I couldn’t take my eyes off the screen when reading the one you crafted. Nuff said.
And Evan. I had him down as an airhead in the first few chapters, but it turns out he’s so much more. And I thought Adam was the complicated one, but actually he’s really simple. He’s been on pause and now he’s been un-paused. But Evan... I think Evan is afraid of the dark the way Adam loves it. And either way, the dark hides both their weaknesses in kindness.
| alltheeagles chapter 5 . 6/17/2014
Facebook as a form of validation of one’s existence – what a concept! I don’t necessarily agree with it, but it’s kind of cool in a sad, cynical sense. I think people write academic papers on stuff like this. I like the dig at selfie-taking as well.
Adam is heartbreaking for me in this chapter, particularly his remark on always hiding. It resonates with me because I do that too – hide – or at least I hide my true self. Sometimes the urge to break free of expectations and prejudices is like an ache.
Adam and Evan are a study in contrasts, and I love that. You’re really putting the idea of opposites attract into action. Question: does Evan have any other life apart from this one, cause he’s apparently spending all his nights with Adam?
Finally, I think you want VICIOUS not VISCOUS. The former is nasty and the latter is slimy, but I think the first one works better for kisses.
| alltheeagles chapter 4 . 6/17/2014
For the RG, multi-chp, easy fix
I like the sub-text in the chapter, the fear of the unknown and the inability to truly connect with others. To a lesser degree, it afflicts many people tethered by their laptops and smartphones to the insidious Web. They may not be living in perpetual gloom in a basement, but their existence is as much a fabricated one as Adam’s is. Oh dear, what heavy stuff for a humourous piece *shamefaced*
But anyway, I loved the sweet awkwardness of Adam in the second part. It stirs up that achy longy feeling inside very nicely. In spite of the warning in the summary, I felt that this particular bit was delicate and subtle and not at all smutty. Love is love, whatever gender the two parties happen to be.
And oh, the description of the world as experienced firsthand by Adam for the first time was really nice too. You appealed to different senses, but you didn’t go overboard – hyperbole of the “What does a peach taste like?” sort would have spoiled everything.
| alltheeagles chapter 3 . 6/17/2014
For the RG multi-chp, easy fix
I like how Evan seems to be bringing Adam’s world to life – he notices the colours, the food tastes decent. Question: if Adam lives in perpetual artificial lighting, wouldn’t the colours in the basement be different from in natural light? Where does Evan go during the day?
I take it that Evan is supposed to be puppy-like in character, as in he’s friendly and eager to please? Doing alright on that front so far, but the touch of nasty at the mention of his father wasn’t very puppylike. If he were truly a puppy, won’t he kind of whine and look kicked? Oh well, I suppose even pups can snap at ankles with their milk teeth.
There’s a kind of surrealism in this story even though the characters talk about very real and current things from popular culture. I like that you chose somewhat ‘classic’ superheroes because if you had gone with the flavour of the day eg wotzit it – Ben 10 or summat – you’d ‘age’ the story once the craze is over.
How old is Adam again? Or did you mention it and it slipped my notice?
| alltheeagles chapter 2 . 6/17/2014
For the RG EF
I find the mention of Sims at once funny and deadly sad, because it reminds me of how a lot of people who DON’T have Adam’s condition are turning away from real life in favour of online ‘friends’. I was in that situation for some time, and can well understand the isolation – and also seductiveness – of a solely online existence.
Now that both MCs have been properly presented, I can officially say that they are both likeable. Is one more likeable than the other? Dunno yet, too soon to tell. They’re believable too – you don’t make us readers take too great a leap off the cliff of belief-suspension – I’m comfortably suspended in mid air right now.
Question: how does a diet of pizza end in a thin body?
| alltheeagles chapter 1 . 6/17/2014
For the RG EF
I like your bitterness. That sounds strange, but I do. Like the way his mother and father deal with his condition, ie the Bourbon and Kleenex and all the rest of it. Because all those observations that you make about your fictional situation are also true of life in general are so bitter and so hilarious. It actually makes me think my life doesn’t suck that bad after all.
Do I like the MC? As of now, not very much, but that’s because I barely know him. At least he isn’t presented as a psycho straight off. The biggest danger is that he might turn into the sob story to end all sob stories, but I don’t think that’d happen. I think you’re too ‘happy’ a writer for that.
| Jitterbug Blues chapter 1 . 4/8/2014
Funnily, I meant to review this on my own, but always got sidetracked by RL and the review games (which are far more time-consuming than you'd think, often to the point of annoyance). Anyhow, let’s roll :D
Writing: I really like how your writing flows. Breezy prose is my favourite, and has always been :D And this is what your style reads like: breezy, but full of clever and important details that still add a layer of complexity to your story (it’s the words you chose, a mix of medical and contemporary jargon :3. I really like the effect they create, especially in the sense of characterisation. They make the narrator seem very intelligent). I really like the understated darkness and morbidity of the writing: there’s a lot implied here, without it being presented in a too dramatic manner. No, it’s just very black-comedyesque, which I love, because it renders everything more tragic.
Opening: The opening got me immediately. I like how you started by stating a fact, and then refuting it – it immediately got me hooked, line and sinker. I also just liked how well it also led up to the whole narration, and the rest of the text :3 It produced this beautifully hooking opening that just made me want to read *more*).
Plot: This is pretty unusual so far. I’ve not seen any story of this sort, and I like how you’re dealing with it: it’s dark, but not too depressingly dark, but you’re also treating this subject with the respect it deserves? I feel that the first person POV makes the plot seem even more engaging, as it allow us a glimpse into the narrator’s inner life.
Character: I like the narrator so far. He’s very intelligent and – what I like – doesn’t come across as too self-pitying, despite the fact that he seems to have suffered a lot :/ I like how he seems to deal with things through a mixture of self-depreciation, withdrawal and surfing the net through porn. It makes me feel for him even more.
Relationship: It’s kind of striking that his father is ignoring him, and drinking bourbon. I’d say what a ‘jerk’, but I’m not sure the mother is a lot better, by crying all the time, and making the narrator feel even worse. The kid really needs a few hugs.
| Pantu chapter 11 . 3/4/2014
Hey there, I really enjoyed this story. It was short but sweet, and really nicely written. I also thought you captured a lot of emotions in your writing and it was a nice progression of both the characters. Thank you for sharing and I look forward to checking out some more if your writing.
| BrokenDreamer529 chapter 11 . 2/12/2014
Amazing story! I love the way you write :)
| Avox 17 chapter 11 . 1/14/2014
this was a perfect short story )
you are an awesome writer
I can't wait for the sequel...and I love the title "evan and hell"
| The.Flailing chapter 11 . 1/2/2014
Wow, this is not what I was expecting! I quite liked it! The style is a bit skeletal, but it works for this sort of story, I think. I like the themes and the ideas that you touched on - some of the motifs and things you did with the Adam and Eve thing were cool IMO.
Above all, I loved your way of looking at the world! There were many times throughout the piece when I thought to myself "THIS SENTENCE IS AMAZING OMG" and sort of fawned for a moment over your diction. Things like your comment on how it shouldn't be called a 'first kiss' but a 'first taste.' Magical.
| sundrygenre chapter 11 . 11/5/2013
This story was wonderful. Its rare on these websites that someone is able to write a story where the characters act realisticly. The parents are too nice or too mean and the love is too fast and ridiculous. But with this story things happened as they should. Things were thought out and even though everything wasn't resolved it still seemed like a perfect ending.