I feel like you're going too fast with this story, and you're trying to answer questions you haven't actually asked, which kind of dampens the impact of the story. The best example is Kneph killing Cethyn - I personally wasn't thinking 'who killed the king?' as much as I was thinking that the king died of natural circumstances. But you resolve the mystery already, by giving us the murderer after which you tell us that the king was murdered in the first place. So there was basically no mystery. And, the murderer was a character we've never seen before anyway.
I also think that you should focus on the characters a bit more. Tell us who Kneph is beforehand(have him dance around the court in a previous chapter, maybe?) and tell us a bit more about Aysá and Arman. So far, all I know about them is that Aysá might be evil, and that they're both acting very formal around each other. But even that evil-ness of Aysá is something I'm not sure of, because she does talk about working together with her brother in the last chapter. I know that I said in the previous review that they feel like strong characters - they did, at the time of chapter two, but now that we've reached chapter four, I want to see a bit more of them either way. And tell us more about what Aysá and Arman are doing: what are the plans they have to execute?
Oh, and Arman's hand was cut off in the previous chapter, apparently - where did that happen? Did I miss anything? Skipping over things like that makes the story feel too fast-paced.
Anyway, hope I was helpful!

You edited your previous chapter, right? So I'll just review them both in here.

Chapter two
What I really liked about the new version of this chapter is that you emphasised more that Aysá simply can't become the King's successor because she's a girl - moreso than I remember you doing in the previous version of it. And all in all, it is a very strong chapter because you make us ask what Aysá's motive is - her brother is the king instead of her, yet she somehow feels satisfaction. Is she going to kill her brother, maybe?
I'm also glad that you emphasized more where in the timeline the second chapter takes place. Makes for a lot less confusion. Also, Aysá, the king, and her brother seem like very good and well-rounded characters. Aysá seems rather evil to me, though. Curious to see how she'll attempt to overthrow her brother, because it doesn't seem like her to be happy with not getting the power. (Reminds me of Cersei in Game of Thrones)
Anyway, reading on!

Chapter three
Right, it took me a reread of the prologue to understand what's going on. (My fault, not yours) So, Arman was the guy in the prologue who got the story told by Aysá. My only problem in the prologue, then, is that I feel the dialogue is too formal for two siblings interacting with each other.
Anyway, back to this chapter. So, as far as I understood it, Aysá went to war on Arman, pretends like she's doing it for the people, wins the war and becomes queen in the process? An intriguing plot, and my only problem is that you might be going a bit too fast. I, for one, would've liked to see the battle being described, and maybe Aysá's decision to take up arms against Arman. I do understand your decision to start after the battle took place, though.
Anyway, great chapter, and I will proceed to read on now )

As I would like to say, thank you very much for reviewing my story.

Anyways, for the last chapter, my only gripe is that it's short. But it was indeed, well-written. The grammar was nice, and overall, the flow was decent. I cannot wait to read more.

Hi :D

I love the way you start the story, beginning with a blood tainted spear, in the rage of the battle. The ending was also nice, when the guy said "I'll tell you a story." Then the story just fades away to the next chapter.

It's a nice story :)

[exposing her naked upper body] this bit sounds a little clunky, I don't really know how to explain it. I think it would work much better say it like "exposing her bare chest".

[though he did not look at her or her at him] again this seems a little off to me. I think a more streamlined approach would work well here, maybe "though neither glanced towards the other"

Aside from the couple of things I mentioned, your writing in this chapter really flowed well and made it an easy read. I'm keen to know more about this world and why these events unfolded as they did, I hope you upload more soon!

-from the roadhouse

So, nice moody intro, and as I'm catching a visual of this character she becomes a gorgon a sentence later. Good description, although, as a mythology lover I had to take a breath to let that description not get in the way of the rest. Hehehe. I also would have loved to hear the angry, sharp roar of thunder, as if it's mad at her, in there. That's how it played in my head anyway. Although I find it frustrating to hear from readers that they interject things they imagine into the story that aren't there, I can't help doing it myself.
I feel like I really can't say anything about the rest of this without nitpicking, without giving unnecessary criticism by pointing out some minor flaw or personal preference because I have to find SOMETHING to point out. Your metaphors flowing with the actual description and the action of the story is executed just flawlessly. And I don't see that much on this site. Usually I can say "oh, run on here, typo there, misspelling there, you just contradicted yourself" but I can't do any of that with this. :D The two little nitpicks I might give is using a comma for "He knelt before her, defeated" and loath needs an E. That's it. And those mistakes are so tiny I'm only saying it for editorial purposes, not as a critique, because clearly, I can't find much of anything to say but positive things.
I'm very interested and loving this story. I've been very turned off by fantasy/action tales (to the point I dread having to read one to return a review) because they all seem to start off with some elaborate prophecy and back story for every character and detail of their life, race, and nation that takes 100 pages and requires you to read a glossary of terms and items and deities and spells to understand it, and then uses this long winded Ye Olde style narrative. LOL So not the case here. I liked that this starts on a nighttime battlefield. Aysa seems very deep, and with her I don't quite imagine a Xena either; I imagine her with Kiera Knightley's frame, more rough and rugged, different than most queens or female warriors. So you get tens across the board.
If and when you get time, a review for Doppelganger would be appreciated- even though I imagine your review won't be so praising, which is all good. Hehe...

Holy... fuck.

I just finished my umpteenth revision of Chapter 4 for my story, and decided it was time to go fishing for some reviews. Decided it was about time I come around and see your story again. And when I started, I rolled through it and I was sucked in... a part of the grimiest corners and the seething blackness of our protagonist, Aysá's world ran by her. I see why the story started at the end of a battle, which is something I haven't seen much of before... or I haven't read enough books. But Jesus, this makes the prologue have a greater depth to it and now I am really hooked if I wasn't hooked before. I wasn't sure how to feel about Aysá until now, and as a character... I like her. As a person, she's a total bitch, but this is good, this is great.

There was one thing in the story that made me stop and think... then go off into my own world to reflect about:
[Aysá stared at him, her annoyance at his inability to deliver a message growing by the second.]

This could have been shortened to:
{Aysá glared.}

I shit you not, it would have had the same effect... maybe more. But I've realized that, it is in your style to write things out a little longer and in greater details. These are not bad things, in fact, these are money makers. People now-a-days love prose that's long and winded and can take up a good amount of time. The paragraphs are fair and even blocks that are smooth and easy to glide through. I can't pick up a single mistake out of them, which can occur in paragraphs. It reads well in my head and Aysá is such a driving force for a female lead that I am captivated by her as man.

I love me a bad bitch. Hurr. Hurr.

Anyway. This is really interesting. The brother was the original ruler. His bitch of a sister rebelled and WON! And now all hell goes to the treaty and war will roll through the countryside, murdering many, and it's still too early to judge who is right or wrong. The ambiguity is excellent!

It's something I am trying to go for in my story. Anyway. Good work man, I'll love to see the next chapter.

Hi there! Returning your review.

So I really loved your opening. The image of rain washing off the blood on this woman’s arms was just really cool.

A word about speaker tags. They’re a bit inconsistent in your story.

This is incorrect formatting:
["Drink." She said] period should be a comma and “She” lowercase
This is correct formatting:
["Sit. Rest your bones," she encouraged.] When you have a speaker tag (he said, she encouraged etc), the punctuation before the dialogue should always be a comma, unless it’s a question or exclamation, in which case you use a question mark or exclamation point.

I like this prologue a lot. You open with the end of a battle scene, so I’m expecting to find out what’s going on, but instead, it seems like you’re planning to have Aysa tell a different story instead, which I think is even better. It’d definitely be interesting to hear Aysa’s story and see how she got to become the person she is now.

Another interesting chapter.
The description in this chapter is still excellent, and creates the perfect atmosphere and tension for this story.
The only issue I spotted, was putting two characters speaking in the same paragraph, each line of dialogue should get it's own para:
Aysá looked to her brother, "My Prince?" she questioned. He didn't bother to look back at her; "My King." he corrected and began to pray.

This should be:
Aysá looked to her brother, "My Prince?" she questioned.
He didn't bother to look back at her; "My King." he corrected and began to pray

All in all, this story has me hooked and I can't wait to read more. Keep it up.

[when unleashed, will all consuming and unstoppable."] should be "will be all consuming"

That was the only real error I saw here so good job!

A good little prologue here, very descriptive and hooking. As much as I appreciate an attention to detail, I found that at times it was a bit too much, and it might be worth toning it down every now and then. Other than that minor complaint, I very much enjoyed this prologue!

- from the roadhouse

Damn... So, that's how you do a prologue right. Well, for the first time since I've gotten here, I am pretty stunned.

I am not one to leave without giving what's due. I am Epic Myth of the Roadhouse, you reviewed my story, I in return will review the prologue.

From what I can recollect. There was a bad ass battle. This chick, the queen, (copied and pasted) Aysá, is a silent, passionate, and internally brooding bad ass woman with a fierce army who respect and fear her greatly. With a spear and some ebony-colored armor, she went on an shut some schmuck down who thought he can get the one up on her.

Hah.

Tons of dead bodies later. She's still on top. Good start... what really had me tangled up in your spell was the later half. How her defeated foe, chained, bruised, and dishonored give himself to her and rather than kill him outright for challenging her, she makes peace...

With a certain flair and that bewitching dark femme fatale charm, I felt what Arman probably felt, intrigued.

I can't find anything to fault this piece. It read smoother than polished marble. The protagonist is powerful and captivating. How the prologue ended makes me want to read more.

I like it.

(Sorry for the clunky review, but it's off my phone. Also, this is a return review.) This chapter, is awesome. You descriptive and emotive skills are brilliant: the imagery, tension and atmosphere you can generate with a few words makes me envious. Also, the story (as this was a prologue), successfuly introduced the characters, and hinted at the world they live in, and the situation that's led them there well, as nothing was too complicated to follow, or felt overdone. I cannot pick any flaws with this, it was honestly, amazing. I'll get round to doing Ch1 at some point.

Yo, I'm Nox from the Roadhouse returning your review.

Let me start by listing your strong points. You have a great tone that matches the setting. It's rather somber with a regal feel to match that of a victor. You do great with visualization. Your powerful language makes it clear about what the after effects of this battle is. I'm really interested in seeing where this goes.

As for what I believe your weak points are... too many adjectives and colorful modifiers. I didn't get a purple feel with the prose, but it did cause them to drag on. That tedium makes it harder to follow the words as they flow from one area to the next. A little revision could fix that, as well as any weaker language that might be present.

Oh, my, This is amazing- the descriptions are vivid, the words are well phrased and chosen.. this deserves more reviews. *Starry eyed*

I love your descriptions, beautifully written, the whole story just has an air of graceful elegance mixed with darkness. The only thing I can really criticise is it could be a bit longer. Can't wait for more.

Some say I stand before you a traitor, a Judas. - If this is not in our world then you can't really use Judas.