|Reviews for Twilight Of The Gods - Act1 (Book1)|
| Kit-Karamak chapter 1 . 11/23/2014
aethus, I LOVE your feedback. It's blunt, honest and I need that!
Now, I've always hated the first chapter of this book. Now that I am on the 10th novel, and it has a following, I really want to change this.
Hell, I plan on doing a massive revision of the entire series soon.
If you want to see how I have evolved, start on the prequel story first.
It is set in 1999 and has better pacing.
I intended on Karla being so absorbed in her novel that the scream made her question whether she was too abaorbed in the fantasy to discern reality, however you are right, realistically she should have looked around and waited to hear it again instead of talking to herself in a very ... Fake way.
I wish you'd send me an email so we could discuss it!
Kitkaramak at gmail dot com.
| aethus chapter 1 . 11/23/2014
First chapter was far too long
And worse yet was how it failed to grab my attention. You need a bit more than just descriptions in there, make it a bit more attention grabbing.
Furthermore, your characters acted a bit strange, i found it awkward how some of the dialogue came out so wierdly, like one of the bits where the character says "was that real?" Who says that?
| Bill Cooper chapter 3 . 10/17/2013
Karla calls a mercenary "retard" and Nathanial criticises her for using "a musical term, not an insult for people" - shouldn't this be a "medical" term?