Reviews for Calder: The Guardian Angel of Asherly: July 2024
Dreamers-Requiem chapter 1 . 9/2/2013
Interesting start though, as always, there are some small things I think you could consider. The opening, I think, is very similar to most of your other openings, and it does little to really draw the reader into the story. Something stronger, maybe something that packs more of a punch would be more effective? It doesn’t have to be action or anything, maybe something about the character you’re focusing on here? For a first chapter, with the exception of the ending, you’ve given us as readers little to care about in terms of the character. We know next to nothing about him, so maybe expanding on him – his personality, actions, emotions – would really help us care a bit more. Couple of awkward sentences, such as [He slipped in to river water smeared between his feet and the sandals, which slapped the pavement as he ran.] Maybe you could start with the journal entry, and end it with him dropping the journal in the mailbox? It’ll give a nice connection between the start and the end, and would help give a really strong reason for reading more about this character. As always, good luck and hope this helps.