Reviews for The Game In Play
Guest chapter 14 . 3/17/2015
Gosh darn it, its been ages since I logged back here and I have forgotten the story and my place in it. Bum. Sorry augie
Wimpikid333 chapter 12 . 5/14/2014
Yes! Someone else who plays tabletop games! Anyway, I thought your new chapter was perfect. By the way, have you ever heard of Warhammer 40,000? (P.S. Great story)
Wimpikid333 chapter 11 . 4/14/2014
I want a teacher like that!
Wimpikid333 chapter 9 . 4/14/2014
As always, Incredible!
Wimpikid333 chapter 8 . 4/14/2014
Wimpikid333 chapter 7 . 4/14/2014
Wimpikid333 chapter 6 . 4/14/2014
As I said before, INCREDIBLE!
Wimpikid333 chapter 5 . 4/14/2014
Mother F****ng Jesus! Incredible!
Wimpikid333 chapter 4 . 4/14/2014
You could SOOO publish this, with some tweaks.
Wimpikid333 chapter 3 . 4/14/2014
You really did NOT need to add the 'Captain Serious' as the story is freakin' incredible!
Wimpikid333 chapter 2 . 4/14/2014
Wow! Engaging!
Wimpikid333 chapter 1 . 4/14/2014
Holy S**t! I love it!
deets1 chapter 7 . 1/15/2014
I like this story a lot. Teenagers or no teenagers it's well written with great, complex characters. There's no flat 'good' or 'bad', though there are some lighter patches of grey. I like that. It makes sense that it would be like that, what with the dragging us teens out of our sheltered bubbles.
jpromero chapter 1 . 1/12/2014
Yes, the first chapter is too confusing. Why not paraphrase things to avoid using so many quotation marks?
TanteLiz chapter 5 . 10/1/2013
I very much like the convention of these separate chapters detailing the convergent lives of your characters, and their small, connecting elements.

Couple of little things - 'Code: Blue' should be just plain old 'Code Blue'. Also, since we already know the client is Japanese, say that he spoke to his son in Japanese, rather than 'in a foreign language', unless you are doing an author's cover-up of them NOT speaking Japanese...?

In regard to your afternotes:

First - John may indeed be older than the others (in the U.S. 4 years undergrad 3 for law school means even new grads are usually at least 25), but that could be useful for the story. Certainly, all of my D&D groups encompassed a fairly good-sized age range, and back when I was a 17 yr old freshman in my first campaign I both idolized and depended on the judgment of the grad students running our game. All sorts of drama ensued when they occasionally proved themselves only human (and only 23...). John could conceivably be 30 or thereabouts, his shyness making him more comfortable with a younger & geekier social circle than is typical for a lawyer.

Second - Defense lawyers. Those I have known (I was a paralegal before going to nursing school, my little brother defends firefighters and police officers, and one of my old roommates burnt out as a public defender) do their best to compartmentalize themselves, keeping their personal ethics in a separate box when the work of acting as the client's advocate conflicts. If they can't, they get out of the business. Might be an ace in the hole for a character transition, later in the story, if John gets to that point.

Second & a half - hiring a client's daughter as an attorney in your office? Oy! She would expect to be firewalled from any potential conflicts of interest - around here she might even have to answer to the Bar about it, depending on your state's regs - which again has good potential for complication, if that's where you're going.

Third - the alcohol. Fairly big guy, to be able to function with that much on board? I wonder how all that ETOH in the bloodstream would make him taste to certain arachnids... ;-)
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