Very exciting action in this installment! I think the way you describe the dragon is very effective. But even though the scenes with the dragon are lots of fun (and scary) the interactions between Aurellia and Nay I found to be the most fascinating aspect of the chapter.

Here are some notes:

"The wings were huge and glorious, the delicate seeing-through membrane between the heavy bones taut against the wind."

Nice, vivid description above, but 'transparent' would work better in my opinion than 'seeing-through'.

"There was an art to how it would inhale oxygen through its nostrils and then exhale it in the form grey puffs, Nay thought."

I would edit the sentence above, something along the lines of, 'The creature inhaled oxygen through its massive nostrils and exhaled sculpted grey puffs,'. I don't think you need "Nay thought" because we know he's thinking and seeing this.

"A ray of lunar light pierced the forest of forgotten spirits, drawing a shining path through the lines of giant threes."

'Trees' not 'threes' :)

"Aurellia inserted herself inside the water without breaking another word with him. Almost no splatter."

I'd trim the sentence above. Try, 'Aurellia slipped through the rushing water without another word, creating barely a splash.'

"He looked at her with a frown, and even he could understand he probably looked like a tart and grouchy ten-year-old."

"a tart" ? 'Tart' usually means, well, a prostitute, or acting like a prostitute. I don't think that's what you mean. Try 'sour' or 'bitter' or just cut it. ;)

"The roaring wall of writhing falling water was left somewhere in the distant background."

Cut 'writhing'. Only living things writhe – like snakes and worms. I think the sentence works better without that extra adjective anyway.

"I must say, I savored bigger expectations for this place."

I'd change 'savored' to 'had'. You can't really savor an expectation. You savor something you have experienced, not something that hasn't yet occurred. Maybe someone with super vivid precognition could savor an event that has yet to happen. ?

"These runes were probably carved during the youthful days of the waterfall,"

'Youthful' waterfall? Maybe 'probably carved when the waterfall was first formed' might work better. :)

This is good:

"The Creators of the Net are said to come from elsewhere. Somewhere outside the worlds we know."

"He knew this dance of words could end up being a waste of time for the prostrate one,"

Who is 'the prostrate one', or who is lying face down on the ground? I'm confused.

Very good:

"I am not an empty shell," she growled through gritted teeth.

This next part is great:

""Stop talking," she warned him, her voice low and dripping with bubbling rage."

But I would cut 'dripping'. Something can't bubble and drip really. The line is stronger without 'dripping' I feel.

"I have inherited the one you heard me utter from elsewhere."

I'm a little confused how it is possible for Aurellia to 'inherit' knowledge of an ancient magic language.

"You don't just have something like this handed over by charity people." 'charitable' not 'charity'.

Very good:

""What these brain lacking, oblivious creatures did not know was that scripts are the fuel of magic. ""

Like this part too:

"He felt the overwhelming power of her mind penetrating his senses, and his upper body moved on its own without permission, bending over so she could whisper in his ear."

"The bad thing about dragons was that they basically didn't die."

Yup!

Great, wonderful ending:

"Before him stood a woman."

I can't wait to find out what happens next! Please update soon.

Very best.

Claremomty

Another thrilling chapter! I like the way that Aurellia and Nay basically drop further into an uncharted dimension in search of some unknown monster. The tension and conflict between Nay and Aurellia is palpable in this chapter. Nay resents, fears and is disgusted by Aurellia in so many ways.

Here are some notes:

"Aurellia gagged, obviously having failed miserably in her stab at removing the dirt."

Maybe edit this a bit. Try, 'Aurellia gagged, having failed to cough up the dirt.'

I like the idea of a Pegasus skeleton and the way that Nay identifies it:

""It is a complex construction," Nay said, "I did not notice it at first, but look. There are nineteen ribs on the left side.""

Thought this was good too:

"She enjoyed the company of death and took pleasure in watching as life gradually left the eyes of a creature.

Necrophile."

I'd trim this:

"His wings carried them both up slowly, elevating them and bringing them closer and closer to the light blue sky that could be seen beyond the narrow crack of the canyon above them." Try, 'His wings carried them upwards slowly, bringing them closer and closer to the light blue space beyond the high walls of the canyon.'

"They were his mother and he was their son and they shared a bond deeper than anyone could even begin to imagine."

Who is this 'anyone' who cannot begin to imagine? Since we have yet to meet any persons in your world other than Aurellia and Nay, it's hard to imagine the common 'anyone' Nay is referring to.

"He mumbled something under his breath that could be defined as 'grouchy little headache factory', and then obeyed."

I wouldn't use a modern word like 'factory'. :)

"Two emerald pools widened as they drank in the sight of Aurellia knelt down next to a creature that was lying on the ground." should be, 'the sight of Aurellia kneeling down'.

""No," replied Nay sincerely. "And that is not how you decide on a creature's gendre, by the way.""This is just an sp thing, it's 'gender' not 'gendre'. Nay definitely has a point there.

This is really good:

"Nay looked at the scene dumbfounded, feeling like he didn't belong with those two beings that were now strangely attached to each other."

Best.

Claremonty

Well, these chapters are just getting better and more interesting as I read. Aurellia and Nay are quite fascinating characters, not what they appear to be at first at all. Their relationship is pretty fascinating too. I like how Aurellia eats souls! And I am enjoying the ways you illustrate her control over Nay, the doll references are great. This must be a world with dolls. I hope we get to meet some common folk and learn about how they live soon.

Here are a few notes:

"A world of mystery and magic, a sanctuary of untold secrets buried deep within the earth core."

'the Earth's core' would be correct. But, I don't know if this planet is our 'Earth'. Maybe if you said something like 'deep within the core of the world' it might work a little better.

This is good:

"Magia Inferna. The First World. The world where all life and magic had been born, the mother to the entire Nexus Net."

Really like the 'Water of Life' scene:

"This is Aquam Vitaé, isn't it?" she asked with a voice that was literally dripping with curiosity."

Might want to cut back 'literally dripping'. Since curiosity is not a substance and doesn't actually drip, her voice can't 'literally' drip. Try 'that was dripping with curiosity' maybe.

The sentence below threw me off a bit. I don't think you need it. This one might be for the cutting room floor:

"He looked at her weirdly and shrugged off the feeling that this girl was getting more and more wacky by the moment."

This could use a fix:

"She motioned her hand towards her face blindly, missing the black lock she wanted removed from her facial features twice before finally capturing it between her fingers victoriously." Try, 'She had trouble grasping the black lock she wanted out of her face."

"He knew that Aurellia had always longed to look at the mirror one day and be met by the look of her aged shape."

I think you mean something more like, 'He knew that Aurellia longed to look into the mirror one day and see a grown woman.'

"Destined for an eternal life of pain and hatred, they were all a bunch of foredoomed soulless spirits that were capable of things even the Devil would envy."

Like the concept in the sentence above but I think you could trim it a little. Maybe cut down to 'Destined for an eternal life of pain and hatred, they were soulless spirits, capable of things even the Devil would envy.'

This is great:

"If there was anyone in the World who deserved suffering, it was Aurellia."

Yikes. I believe it.

This is very good:

"Nay felt a rush of anger rise within him, his first assumption being that she was taking over his senses now and making him say the things she wanted or needed to hear."

I wouldn't switch to second person pov here:

"You kept on moving with hours and it always looked like you are at the exact same place. " Maybe try, 'One might move on hour after hour and then look around and see the exact same place.' or something kind of like that. :)

"And it stained his dignity to resort to such fruitless efforts." You mean 'strained' not 'stained" I think.

I like this:

"She was silent for a few seconds. "The tree... It has a heartbeat," she uttered quietly."

"And angels are smart. Every rule has its exceptions,"

Haha. Funny. :)

""Since I developed a habit of turning them into my main dish," she said, her eyes flickering pointedly."

Great!

"Her rash was obviously over." Think you mean 'Her rush was obviously over.'

"You ignorant little chore," Chore?

Great chapter. Looking forward to the next!

Claremonty

Wow. This is my favorite chapter so far. Lots of spectacular action and lush descriptions.

I am very intrigued by Aurellia's power. Her ability to control Nay 's soul as is it were her plaything, her doll, is quite powerful symbolically and metaphorically. Cool stuff. :)

This is out of sequence, but this is a line I liked in particular:

"The being that had longed to have a spirit of its own so much that it had resorted to stealing his."

Here are notes on some parts you might want to consider revising.

"Its spread-eagled wings brought along a tiny ray of golden hope and an unexplainable sense of security in their strained position against the raving winds."

'Spread-eagled' is usually used to describe a person with legs spread wide (like an eagle's wings). I wouldn't use it to describe actual wings – even if they are like an eagle's. I also would not use eagle wings here as a reference. We don't yet know if there are eagles in your world. I'd try a revision like, 'Spread wings brought rays of hope and security as they strained against the raving wind.'

This is good:

"Nay hissed as the wind switched from cold to hot and an invisible tongue of fire licked his cheek quickly, expertly and dangerously deeply. Almost perversely."

Thought this was great:

"Rushed towards a wild climax one final time before they all sunk into the depths of oblivion."

Also, I like the line below. It's not the most original, I have come across it a few times before ;), but it works very well in this chapter:

""If we die, I'll kill you," she breathed just as they reached the wide entrance."

Another good part:

"Those were her eyes."

The scene/vision of the raven is done very well!

Best.

Claremonty

I am really enjoying the developments in this chapter. You're starting to parcel out more and more information about Aurellia and Nay. I wonder how Aurellia was transformed from a weak human girl into a fiery, immortal angel slayer/enslaver. The plot you are beginning to reveal is pretty atypical, which I like. :)

Here are notes:

"She said no more and let him carry her into the depths of the sky."

The sky has 'heights' not 'depths'. If you are spinning a metaphor and you want us to think of the sky as the sea then using 'depths' might be appropriate. But I wouldn't use it here.

"The silver-haired man soared through the purple skies, wings swaying gracefully in the rhythm of the girl's heartbeat."

I really like the concept you are expressing above but I think if you reworked the sentence a little it would be more clear, easier to understand, try, 'The silver-haired man soared through the purple skies, his wings beating in time with the rhythm of the girl's heart.'

"He kept the smile to himself, trying not to arouse any sort of curiosity in his little extra baggage."

I'd cut 'extra' because Aurellia is anything but an extra aspect of Nay's existence. Maybe consider also using 'burden' or 'passenger' instead of a modern sounding word like 'baggage'.

"Another thing he didn't like the concept of was the fact"

You don't need 'concept' and 'fact' in the sentence above. Try 'he didn't like the fact'.

"This time, he decided, it was most probably a cocktail of both."

I'd use 'mix' instead of 'cocktail'. 'Cocktails' really didn't exist until the 20th century. The reference, I feel, is misplaced in this world.

"disability to protect herself." Try, 'inability to defend herself.'

I thought this part was really interesting and really good:

"The skies had opened to pour down rivers of blackness and shadows down the World, clouding the many suns and eating their way through the protective Rings that had served as defenders of every Nexus World for hundreds of centuries now."

Great, dramatic finish:

"As the screams of a dying world echoed in his ears, Nay reached out to save the person who killed one of the Archangel Twins and thеn enslaved the soul of the other for the rest of eternity."

Best.

Claremonty

Rymne:

I think this story is very unique. Your imagery is often counterintuitive, but I like it. Your descriptions are feverishly vivid, detailed and intense, which is great. I am very impressed by your ability to write in English since it is not your native language. But I do think your story will benefit from a little language focused critique.

I find your story quite enjoyable. Please keep that in mind as you read my notes below. My critique is intended to help you improve as a writer and encourage you to keep it up! :)

First thing, I don't think the extended Author's Note at the beginning is necessary, especially since the section that gives us a 'preview' of what's to come is also in your summary. You are presenting this story to readers, not submitting it to a publisher. And with submissions to publishers, an Author's Note or Synopsis is a separate document from the text of the story.

I really like the dialogue 'intro' section. It's a great way to pull in your readers and give us a glimpse of the relationship between your two main characters.

""So you meant it. Do you vow?""

I think you should stay consistent with present tense in this dialogue, try, 'So you mean it.'

Like this:

""I just vowed."

A childish giggle echoed all around."

I think you could improve this part:

"The sky sunk into the deepest shades of purple, the kind you only get to see at dawn or the on the verge of twilight. Given that it was neither, the colour couldn't help but arouse suspicion as to the composition of the surrounding air."

This is a fantasy world so we don't know what the skies are supposed to be like. Why should we be 'suspicious' of a purple sky in a world with guardian angels? If you trimmed this section you could start to build a solid foundation for your world in your readers' imaginations. Something a little like,

"The sky was a deep shade of purple, though it was neither dawn nor dusk."

This tells us that this is world where the sky is different from our world.

"A damp mist had wrapped itself around the uneven trees on each side of the raddle road."

There are a lot of unnecessary words in the sentence above. You could simplify it and make it a bit more elegant if you cut it down. For instance, 'damp mist' is redundant because we already understand that mist is damp. Try, 'Mist wrapped around the trees on either side of the road.' I don't think 'raddle' is a word btw. :)

"It was as if those said branches were hands, broken and shattered in the cruelest of ways; their pain was almost sensible."

Okay, this is a pet peeve of mine. There is really no reason to use the word 'said' as an adjective. Unless you are writing dialogue for a lawyer in a trail scene, I highly recommend you only use 'said' as the past tense of 'say'.
I think you might want to consider an edit a little like, 'The branches looked like hands, broken and shattered in the cruelest of ways.'

Just a suggestion. :)

"The unsure steps and the intermittent breathing belonged to a small girl."

This might work better with the girl as the subject instead of the 'steps' and the 'breathing'. Like, 'A small girl moved with uncertainty. Her breathing was irregular.'

"Numerous of raven dark locks that didn't seem to have met a comb in their entire life covered most of the filthy-looking face with expressionless, yet grim features craved on it."

Great descriptive ideas above but you could do some trimming I think. Try, 'Numerous raven locks, that didn't seem to have ever met a comb, framed a filthy expressionless face.'

"eventually crawling its way down to the lorn body in the middle of nowhere."

'Forlorn'?

I'm confused by this sentence:

"At least if the owner of those legs in question wanted to reach the desired destination in a remotely satisfying amount of time."

"It took on a rapid course towards the ground and in an instant, it let itself plunde into the dark arm, splitting it in half as well."

'Plunge' not 'plunde' I think.

This is really good:
"Drops of liquid blackness leaked from the dissected limb and showered the ground with their wet and sticky kisses."

"The scattered pieces of jello darkness were brought back together"

Jello is a brand name for a gelatin dessert that was invented in the 19th century. This modern reference kind of pulls me out of your world. Do they eat Jello? I think the word 'viscous' is what you want here.

"His hair imitated the lunar color of the thunder, shoulder-long locks falling down his strong back like a waterfall."

This is an example of your counterintuitive descriptions. Thunder is a sound and has no color. But, I have to say, I like the idea.

"his pure inwardness"

Try, 'his purity'. 'Inwardness' means 'shyness' and I doubt this angel guy is shy. ;)

Really like this part a lot:

"A few wordless moments passed. "Now hug me tighter," she demanded.

"Why should I?"

Her lips curved up in a barely visible smile."To make your affections look remotely real."

He hugged her with a quiet sigh. "One is not obligated to wear a mask to be part of a masquerade, huh?""

I hope you don't mind that I pointed out all this stuff. I think the story is really different from most fantasy tales out there and that you have a unique, creative imagination. I am looking forward to exploring the world of your story more.

Best.

Claremonty

Great chapter. Your descriptions continue to be amazingly descriptive and cool. Also loved the banter between Aurellia and Nay, although occasionally I got a little lost onto what they were talking about exactly. I felt this chapter stretched on quite a lot. You could maybe break it up a little

The ending was very nicely dramatic! Can't wait to find out what has happened.

Gee wiz, that was pretty awesome. I was actually wondering if Aurellia was going to be a child through the whole story. You categorize this as a fantasy/romance and I've been curious if she was going to magically grow up. But again, this is a very good chapter.

Only a couple things I'm wondering about. I was incredibly confused about the chamber/waterfall. I have no idea what happened. I know that they were outside, and then through some sort of strange maneuvering, they were in a cavern. And then a dragon is breaking in? At first I thought Nay swam underwater, kind of like Disney's Atlantis style. (It's only a grease trap, it's just like a sink. It's only a grease trap, it's just like a siiiiink!) But I still don't know what happened there. Did his wings get wet? If so, that would probably result in him spreading the wings to let them dry, I would assume.

Also, what's a domestic articles market? I've never heard of that.

I really wanted to end, though, saying how much I adored the quip about the low wage sailor. It made me smile.

Ok, did I say that I freakin' love you, girl? The last few paragraphs were EPIC! My God, such a mess! Poor Nay, didn't know who to kick first! And then Aurellia pulls a stunt like this?! Ok, ok, keep calm, keep breathing. Just know that if you don't update soon, I'll come and hunt you down at school (who cares if you're like 200 km away)!

I loved this chapter, as it's my first time reading this type of story. To be honest I'm not a huge fan of fantasy stories but this one has captured me into it's world.

The only grip I had with this chapter was that it was too short so off I go into the others. Keep writing, it's a very strong story.

NAH NAH NAH XDDD I'm Bobiiiiiii :D ( I hope nobody else will see this x.x if in someway it gets to the real Bobiii, my apologies : / :D )

Now that was long. But, it would be difficult to break this chapter in half without murdering the content.

"Aurellia just stared at him as if he had just told her Santa Claus wasn't real."
Reference to Santa Claus is quite modern and it doesn't really suit the fantasy atmosphere unless the characters are quite familiar with the modern culture. I imagine Aurelia would demand Nay get her a playstation...

I liked the CSI-Pegasus scene, especially Aurelia's behavior and her constantly mentioning the food (souls). Gosh, I even got hungry after reading that part.

At the beginning of the second part of the chapter a word "necrophile" appeared (Nay's POV) and I guessed that it was supposed to refer to Aurelia's attraction to death. It got me quite confused since necrophila is a sexual attraction to corpses - so is she interested in death in a sexual way?

"And that is not how you decide on a creature's gendre, by the way."
Typo in "gender".

The scene with the bear called Mandra was bizarre, but I really like how Aurelia can be at the same time an exceptionally evil, soul-devouring being and a somewhat innocent, clueless little girl. If I had to choose between her and Nay, I would definitely pick Aurelia - she's a way more interesting character.

The part when Aurelia told Nay she loved his brother, I began questioning her mental balance, just as Nay did before. If she loved Noa (that's his name?), why did he end up dead? Seriously, this kid is dangerous.

Now [insert drumroll here] the conclusion. Overall your story wasn't in my taste, but I liked it nonethess. I hope you didn't find my critique too harsh - I tried being helpful and constructive, not mean. Now strong and weak poits of your story:

Weak:
- the plot is developing slowly (but you make up for it with the story's mysterious and bizarre atmosphere)
- Nay seems like a grumpy office man who hates his boss. He constantly says he hates Aurelia and he has reasons for it, but he's being far too nice for her. I think that most people (or angels) in his situations would be more rebellious. It looks for me that he developed a Stockholm syndrome.

Strong:
- your writing style and descriptions - both are sophiscticated and create a dreamy yet dark tale. It's quite an unique trait and makes your story stand out.
- detailed fantasy world construction - it doesn't seem makeshift, you did good job here.
- the dynamisc between Nay and Aurelia
- Aurelia's character - she's great, I explained earlier why.

All in all, it's a nice piece of writing. Have good luck with writing future chapters.

Did I mention that the descriptions are beath-taking? It's really a pure pleasure to read it and your story truly makes me appreciate the beauty of English language (somehow German just doens't seem fit to describe fantasy world).

I like the idea of Aurelia not having a soul and not being ever able to grow up (I got reminded of "Interview with the Vapmire"). The whole explanation regarding what kind of creature she is was a bit bizarre, but fairly interesting. Aurelia is becoming an entertaining character with each chapter - I always liked the idea of an evil mastermind in a body of a child. I know that there is more to her than explained in this chapter and I'm willing to find out the rest of the secrets the malicious little girl holds.

Nay seems to be far too nice for Aurelia considering what she did to him, but the dynamics between those two were interesting to read.

I like the lenght of the chapters - they're just right to read them without the feeling of being overwhelmed by horribly huge blocks of text. In one word - neat.

I liked the sexual references art the beginning of the chapter - they were pretty creative (and indicated that the author might have been horny perhaps?).

This chapter had more of plot and character development and I really enjoyed reading about the dynamics between Nay and Aurelia. She seems now like a very good villain - the one with innocent looks, but powet to bend the wills of others. Depraving an angel of his soul seems like a very nasty thing to do, so I'm beginning to like her. I wonder if Nay will display more of his rebelious nature soon - I imagine that after a century of captivity he must be tired of being Aurelia's slave.

Another fine chapter. Thumbs up!

"The silver-haired man soared through the purple skies, wings swaying gracefully in the rhythm of the girl's heartbeat. She rested in his arms, head placed on his shoulder and eyes screwed shut."

I know I'm complaining, but there is no way the girl could place her head on a shoulder of a winged man who is carrying her in his arms. She must have been a koala to pull that stunt.

"When the Invasion of Tenebra began, he refused to join the lines of solders that were purposed to ride on the offensive."
You have a typo in "soldiers".

All right, back to the review. Now I see that Silver Tail is more about the beauty of a word than plot, so I think that the extensively rich descriptions and the slow pacing are perfectly in order. Now about the plot. Actually, I thought that Nay was going to forget about the girl and she'll meet her doom - it was because of how long he was reminiscing about the past of the fictional world. As for the fictional world itself, it looks like you thought it through quite thoroughly , even the details. Nay's explanation is a bit confusing, but I hope everything will become clear in the next chapters. What I liked the most, was the last sentence - apparently the "innocent" girl isn't that innocent after all. If I got it right, she killed Nay's brother and made Nay her slave. Yes, women are horrible creatures indeed, even if they are young (I suspect that her age might be tricky as well).

Overall I'm intrigued by your story. There isn't much going on, but it's written in an interesting way and the character of the girl seems worth examining.