The strange dialogue at the beginning was a nice touch - it was mysterious and a bit creepy, but I think it should be.

"The scattered pieces of jello darkness were brought back together all by themselves, but this time a silver scar engirdled the place where the silver flash had slashed itself into."
The repetition of the word "silver" doesn't sound very good here.

"He smiled down at her, his handsome features mimikcing the actual expression, but the warmth never reaching his eyes."
You have a typo in "mimicking".

Okay, now to the merit. First, your writing style. It's pretty sophisticated - the sentences structures are complicated at times and your vocabulary surely is extensive. It can be both a good and bad thing. Bad, because when the descriptions are so flowery they dim the actual content and the reader focuses on the words instead of plot or characters. Good, because it creates mood. Oveall your descriptions are very detailed and simply beautiful, but be careful if the plot is more important than the form.
However, I quite liked your writing style - it reminded me of a fairy tale with Grimm Brothers atmosphere. It wasn't dynamic, but enticed me. I'm curious in which direction the story will head.

The plot. It's hard to tell something about the plot at this point. To be honest, I was confused, but liked the feeling of mystery.

The chapter was strange, but had a nice, dark touch to it.

My eyes totally glazed at the end of this chapter. When Aurellia said, that she "really loved Noa as he was her own brother", I was like "what the bloody Hell" ? xD Oh, and the last sentence is really ... well, what can I say ... it implies something quite attractive, if I can formulate my words this way. At the beginning of the story, I thought what it was going to be the same old stereotypical plot a lot of people use for these type of fantastical stories, but in fact, girl, you just blew me away. This "story" is so bizarre, so grotesque, so ... freakish. Marvelous, just marvelous. Oh, and how I love the descriptions, so hypnotizing. When the chapter ended, I barely remember where I was and what was I doing, before I started reading. You have so much talent, I can't even convince myself to believe that you're a girl my age, and ... and I spend so much time with you, it's really weird. Last year I thought that you were good at ... well, German and drawing and perhaps English ( I wasn't really sure about that) , but it seems you may have a lot of other talents, that lay covert somewhere deep inside you. I just hope that you'll keep sharing them with me (: And who knows, one day we could find out that you're good at something like ... water skiing :D ( have you ever tried, by the way? :D ) so ... time to stop writing, or my comment we'll become bigger than the chapter ... noo, we both know that can not happen.. just look at this chapter : 10,000 words or what ?! :D

P.S.: Keep up the good ... oh, who am I kidding .. keep up the Awesome work, mate ! (:

You really do have a talent for dialogue. It flows very easily and naturally. You have such a way with your characters as well and every time I think about Aurellia, I can't help but think, "She just wants to have a friend. She's going about it in a terrible way, but that's all she wants." I may be way off base, but that's kind of the vibe I get.

There are two things I noticed with this chapter. One was the mention of Pandora's Box. I saw that and it felt kind of out of place. In such a setting as yours, is Pandora's Box a fitting reference? Is our own world part of the Net and has that tale spread its way through? Just something to consider. Secondly, you say genre instead of gender at one point, so just a quick fix there.

Also, I love the mandra. Its world turning into a black hole was a really great image. I absolutely loved that. What I loved even more was the quip about having children, to which Nay says, 'For breakfast?' Nice touch. You've got a good way with humor as well.

I appreciate your irony in this chapter. The world that is the source of all life, the waters of life, and yet nothing lives there. Wonderfully stark contrast and, at the same time, a frightening bit of foreshadowing for what is to come.

Again, you have beautiful imagery, but I also certainly appreciate your work with tone here. The song she hums really sets the mood for uneasiness and it made me smile because I like creepy things anyway. Just, I just really liked that part.

I only have one thing as a suggestion for you, because this chapter was really strongly spot on. The part where she goes into the water, the way it's described it a little strange. Even after reading it several times, I struggled to figure out how exactly she was oriented in the water.

Though, after reading this and learning more about what exactly Aurellia is, I was reminded of something. I don't know if you watch Anime, but if you do, I think you might enjoy taking a look at Soul Eater. It sort of runs along the same thread as Aurellia, so you know, just throwing that out there.

For the thrill of the hunt! Lol. That's what I felt throughout this entire chapter.

There is something so innocent yet downright wrong with how much Aurellia enjoys danger. I find myself wanting to grab her and say,"Why, can't you just sit down and relax." When she acts like that, I resonate strongly with Nay's contempt for her. However, I understand that her dark curiosity is what envelopes and shapes the story, hence making it an adventure.

Oh, Nay. My hopelessly tortured, Nay. His sorrow and anguish was most palpable when he thought about his longing for the sky. You did a fantastic job at showing what happens when you sever a bond between a person and their 'home'. "Home is where the heart is." So to speak. If it were up to me I would free him from Aurellia's tiny clutches just to see him reunite with his long lost love—the sky.

Great description on both the cave and the Mandra. I know how troubling it can be to describe something which is fictional and try to make it realistic.

The conversation at the end between Nay and Aurellia was so intimate I felt as though I was invading someone's bedroom. It was truly an enlightening moment on both characters.

Two words: Eerily Delightful.

This chapter was all kinds of creepy with fun-filled banter at every step.

I loved how you explained Aurellia's unfortunate state of being. A spirit brought back to life, perpetually stifled at the age of their resurrection only able to feed on other souls. The suspense is gradually building with each chapter.

The relationship between Nay and Aurellia is so dysfunctional I don't know whether they're going to hug it out or kill each other, from one moment to the next.

Wonderland is quite the character within itself. A beautiful yet haunting place with an ancient secret awaiting the unaware duo.

The more I read the more I like this story. Nay and Aurellia are nicely balanced characters and you see that a lot through this chapter. Aurellia getting a pet was very cute. I wish I had my own oversized puma with spikes. Dragons are also awesome looking forward to seeing how they will deal with this!

notifying het that it was time to catch up.- her
"Whaf is the meaning of this?" - what

"A Pegasus, huh?" she wondered aloud. "I'm really curious what its soul would taste like..."
Nice job on the shock/horror element here, did not see that coming and really reminds us that Aurellia is pretty twisted.

Nay couldn't help but take issue with the strange way she made up her mind about the Mandra's genre- gender

The information in this chapter really fueled my desire to read more. I never would've thought that Aurellia would have such power. I took her as a simple mortal child but now...I fear she is something far more sinister.

I died laughing when Aurellia said,"If we die, I'll kill you." I couldn't help but think of Ike Turner and wondered if Aurellia was his child. Lol.

Now that they're in this new land I wonder what they're journey will become.

Another fabulous chapter. Each time I begin to read its like having a conversation with a zany bestfriend.

I loved how the Guardian Angel took advantage of the moment to torture the little girl. It had just the right amount of humor to make the teasing seem playful.

Then the plot thickened!

The Guardian Angel's name is Nay, who was the son of an Arch Angel, with a twin brother.

There's a love interest, then a war and finally a loss.

I felt sad and didn't chuckle.

Finally we find out the person who killed his brother was Aurellia—the little girl!

I clutched my imaginary pearls!

First let me say, job well done!

Now—let's get into some FUN stuff!

Often times, in my experience, when writers tend to force the comical aspect in their story it comes off unnatural and cheesy. However, I must say I laughed the entire length of your chapter. Albeit, I'm slightly delusional from lack of sleep but NEVERTHELESS I laughed!

From the description of the rather 'filthy' little girl to the guardian angel asking,"Why should I?" I erupted in painful laughter.

Comedy is clearly your niche and I am merely at the mercy of your comedic genius.

Cannot wait to see what happens in chapter two!

And thus, countless of legions were sent to protect the Net. - PROTECT THE NET, OR YOU SHALL PAY ! xDD
Soo.. I really like the story. The plot is so familiar ad yet the story is so amazing in it's own way. But you can not expect any different from it's phenomenal author. x3

Again, this is a really great chapter. The big with the raven went a little strangely and I had to reread it a couple times because the flow was quite abrupt there. Also, the bit where you mentioned the virgin earth and childhood crush, I loved that imagery and personification, though the use of crush seems a bit out of place. Perhaps another word? Over all, I really loved this though. Your bit about passionate desolation, that should be the definition of oxymoron.

You really solidified the boundaries of their relationship, really have it definition and depth. I think you've got a really remarkable way with imagery, though some paragraphs could be combined to make it less conjoined.

I can't wait for the next chapter! It might be tomorrow night before I read the other two, but they're coming.

Oh. My. God. Holy mother of pearl. I'd left one review earlier, and I have to say, this chapter is quite different than the last. This was absolutely wonderful and great to read. I regret that it took me this long! I had a couple places where I absolutely adored your phrases. "Neat little creature" was a really quaint way to say that, and I absolutely loved it. I also enjoyed the tidbit about the warship fire. I definitely love Aurellia. She's got some spunk. But I like Nay just as much.

The only critique I have here is the instance where you wrote "numerous of enemies". I think it's my personal taste, but the of felt awkward there. Again, it might be my personal taste.

But overall, this chapter was so engaging. I don't mean to say I didn't like the first chapter, but this chapter was really phenomenal.

You start this chapter from an external perspective, and only move into Nay's point of view from paragraph 4 onwards. Whilst this technique can work, I feel it might have been better to have Aurelia tell of Nay's strength, and to get her opinion on it too. Some brilliant imagery with the raven. I love the relationship between these two, apparently so destructive, yet so needy. You are a craftsman of note when it comes to characterisation. And all that at only fifteen. Wow! I'm in awe. An interesting end to the chapter, which of course you spoiled with your earlier pre-chapter comments. Take them out, so fresh readers can revel in the joy of learning that this story will take them places they have never been.

I do hope you will return my review, as I enjoy getting reviews from people I regard as good writers, which you undoubtedly are. I will be reading further in due course, as I found this story captured my attention in ways that many fantasies don't.

I didn't think your first chapter was a little pell-mell. Personally I felt that the action and character driven nature of it was just right. I don't go for long explanations. Just thrust me straight into the story and I'm happy. There is quite an invation of the past in the second half of this chapter. I feel it might be slightly better if you could break this up with the paragraphs contained in the first part of the chapter, so that one shifts seemlessly from the past to the present and back to the past again. It's just that in telling of the past, it tends to be more tell than show, and needs a little balance. There is plenty of show in the first half of the chapter, which is again beautifully written. A great plot though, and I love the complexity of Aurellia. This chapter does not seem verbose at all, as though you have found your stride in the writing. A trully good read.