Reviews for School Causes Death
freddyburn chapter 1 . 8/31/2013
OK, as a fellow zombie story writer, let me just say: good start. I will be following this story.

Secondly, there is just something about the way the story is structured. There very little unwanted information, it's just the way its presented. You are getting into the flow of things, then you get a long list of names, or someone new pops up.

The best way I can put it is like this: can you answer yes to the following questions:
Was the facebook part relevant?
Will her American friends play a part in the story?
Was what your main character had for breakfast relevant?
You spent a sentence or two telling us about the maths teacher- will she play a part?

Another question that you will need a longer answer than yes: Why was there a month between the first outbreak and the one at the school?

Also, when you have someone talking, tab down to another line for it. It breaks up otherwise long paragraphs and makes the story easier to read.

Just out of curiosity: what happened to all the guys?