|Reviews for Waking Nightmares|
| Niek chapter 1 . 9/11/2013
Hello there! Nice entry for you! I loved the incubus you've created. You have a way with dialogue and it really shines out in the thing's conversation.
Speaking of "the thing", I feel like it could use a bit more description. From tan fingers and human head, is it just a yellow eyed humanoid or is there something else about it that makes it different? Though, the drunken description was great and I thought that was a nice touch.
As far as Mathias goes, I like the name. Coincidences are funny things because I also use the name in my keeper Chronicles story. Good strong name. :P Anyway, I love that he's afraid of anything and everything. I get the impression that the incubus will literally take his fears away, but he's too scared to let it help him.
As far as edits and critiques go, I noticed a couple comma errors and capitalization issues. Nothing big there. But your description in the beginning, even with the added dividers, feels like a distraction. Italicize or bold it, just to set it apart. If not that, move the entire thing to the bottom because it feels big and out of place right now.
Other than all that, that's all I got. Good entry. :)
| AlysonSerenaStone chapter 1 . 9/10/2013
This kind of reminds me a little of Beautiful Creatures. I don't know why. I really love the use of present tense and how much you have packed into this. Great work!
| daughter of Athena and Apollo chapter 1 . 9/9/2013
I thought this was pretty good. The line where you said a hanger looks like a woman's collar bone was original. Good job.
| Aureus Lux chapter 1 . 9/9/2013
I love the strange twist! Good luck on the contest!
| Mwomnom chapter 1 . 9/9/2013
This was really intriguing. I really enjoyed some phrases you used.
Your narration is on a really impressive level and I love the way you structured the whole thing. I really liked the way you combine both descriptions and inner thoughts, it succeessfully adds feelings and warmth to your narration. I also liked the way you inserted some short sentences between the longer ones, achieveing the dark atmosphere intended. Never underestimate a simple sentence, huh?
Another thing you did a good job on were the longer descriptive sentences. They were with just the right length - long enough to be sufficiently beautiful yet not too lingering to make a reader loose interest in what's coming up next.
The whole idea is very interesting and I would actually love to see it continued.
Keep up the lovely work.
| TanteLiz chapter 1 . 9/8/2013
I'd like to see this expanded - I think the flow suffers from the brevity. Love the concept!
| Lolitroy chapter 1 . 9/8/2013
You guys and your crazy writing *sweatdrop*
Anyway, liked the idea you had at the beginning, but it would've been better if you had separated somehow from the rest of the story. It looks kind of messy.
Aside from that, it was a heck of a read :D impressive to see how such drama can come out just from a kid who's afraid of the dark...
Loved the eerie narration. Great atmosphere.
| Helen Cole chapter 1 . 9/6/2013
Wow - By the second line, you drew me in: "The dark is a heavy blanket over Matthias' bedroom." The imagery is incredible. Sometimes people are trying to be descriptive and they stop to provide the details and move on. (I'm guilty) - but you move the story along as you provide the detail, which is explained beautifully, I never like when people use Christ's name in vain but I'm loving the rest of it. Just be careful where you put commas. The beginning half of the story is very polished - the end could use a little more editing. The flow of the story is perfect. You know a story is intense and captivating when you start reading faster to follow its pace - which I did. Never stop writing! (I would love it if you wouldn't mind reading and reviewing my story: "On the Other End of the Phone". It's about a girl named Jessie that has to fight to keep her loved ones safe and I'm hoping to have it published when I finish it. Please R&R! :) )
| augie.toaste chapter 1 . 9/6/2013
How random is it to browse the Just In section and find another entry for the Labryinth contest. It was literally the first one on the list of new stories. Fate, I tell you.
Very interesting interpretation of the prompt. I'm not sure you needed to have the explanation of what an incubus is at the beginning. I would like to see it actually weaved into the story if you're to have it at all.
My favourite part is when Matthias is fumbling for the light, and gets grabbed. I was not expecting that twist - I thought it was going to be a completely psychological affair.