|Reviews for Free-Lancer|
| Rosezelene Ersa chapter 6 . 11/21
Oh wow, it has been a long time! I’ll check it out, very glad you picked it back up! I can’t wait to see how your writing style has changed. Hope you’re doing well :D (I was too lazy to log in, don’t mind me)
| Rosezelene Ersa chapter 5 . 1/24/2014
Wow. When I started reading this I found myself forgetting it was on fictionpress; it flows so incredibly smoothly that at times It seemed an actual book. Your writing style reminds me of the blac mage trilogy; that sort of dark fantasy whith just enough discription to make it spiced up. Looking forward to you're next chapter!
As I am and always shall be,
| TheRealEvanSG chapter 3 . 10/31/2013
A great start to this story! I'm intrigued to find out what happens next. I can easily see this being an anime or something. The characters seem funny and there's definitely room for them to get deeper and deeper. Keep it up! oFTo
| Unxious Custard chapter 2 . 9/26/2013
An interesting way to start this chapter with the laws of magic. I am not sure you need the explanations at the end of the chapter though. Let the reader discover the meaning of these naturally within the flow of the story, if they don't know these worlds already. Yum yum, another good character to sink my teeth into in the shape of Yukimi. That said, I am not sure now is the time to move into a third person's point of view and by that I mean
Ishikawa's. I would have prefered it if the meeting of Ishikawa could have been told from Yukimi's point of view. It takes a bit of time for a reader to get to know and love characters, so it's good to stay with only one or two points of view at the beginning of stories. That also meant it was a surprise when a small figure crashed straight into him. You see how this statement and others in this section are written from his point of view? I would stick with her point of view. I enjoyed the chapter though especially the battle action scene. It was very well written. Clearly you know your stuff.
I do hope you will return the review with one of my story, Psychics v Terrorists, which is a modern fantasy that takes place in England. Good luck with the writing.
| Unxious Custard chapter 1 . 9/26/2013
Hi, I really liked the blurb you wrote on your story, and it encouraged me to read it. You immediately make Izumi's emotional state very clear. Perhaps all this explosion of emotion could be dispersed with some of the other things in the chapter, which would have made the flow more natural. It feels a bit as though you've devoted a few lines to describing his wealth, then a few lines to his emotional status. If you mix them up, have him looking around and seeing his wealth, experiencing it, feeling the cold of the water in his pool, spotting the gleam of his car well below him, all the while feeling sadness that he had no-one to share this with, it would give the chapter more a show rather than tell feel. It's a story with a strong plot, and I like your character Izumi very much. I also enjoyed the ending of this chapter.