Reviews for Hope?
GossamerSilverglow chapter 2 . 12/20/2013
Freebie (sorry about it being late) review:

Characters: Is the narrator male or female? I suppose it’s nothing major really, but sometimes it helps to know. I don’t know if I missed it or not.

Writing: When you’re talking about ‘dread’ towards the forth paragraph/line, instead of just stating that it is dread maybe you could include some physical reactions. If the word and actions match up it would seem more cohesive and make a bigger impact.

Plot: I’m curious as to where you’re taking the plot. The first two chapters don’t give much towards the plot in my opinion. I feel like it was more of a scene/character set-up. How does this character stay optimistic when so many bad things happen? Where’s his/her hope coming from? That’s mainly what I’m curious about.

Dialogue: Your lack of dialogue originally put me off, but then I read the summary again. I don’t know if you plan on keeping the story mostly dialogue free, but I think it helps portray your narrator. It’s almost like a characterization technique or something. It seems like the character is depressed, with anti-social tendencies possibly stemming from his mother and his depression? Am I wrong?
Lord D'arcy Picklesouse chapter 9 . 12/17/2013
Of the four chapters that I've skimmed through, I've deduced that it is a microcosmos dystopia at the background and a fight for disillusionment...The lead character is slowly shaping as a new part of him is being etched in every chapter and yet that new part is more or less an extension to the body. It is dark and well paced.
CL chapter 1 . 11/10/2013
Engaging and deep. Curious to see where it heads to from this first chapter, and it somehow seems to reflect off some of my own past experiences, or maybe that's just some form of teenage angst. A really great piece of writing, really gets the gears in your mind turning
alltheeagles chapter 4 . 11/8/2013
Things finally start to pick up here. You did drop hints that all is not well in the beginning chapters, but I feel they could have been stronger, because frankly, it takes perseverance to get past all the angst to get this far. Not that I'm saying that the angst is badly done (and I can identify with many of the things that you talk about, since I share your background) but there's generally a limit to how much negativity a reader can take in one long stretch. I think your story would benefit from a hook of some kind in the first chapter - if you want to attract more readers, that is.

'the white that brought about the dark' - I like that phrase.
CountryGal12 chapter 1 . 11/8/2013
][Review for the Review Game forum.][

I liked the message of this chapter. I could totally relate to what you were trying to say here.

I disliked how short it was. I think you would have been able to make it longer.

Overall: Did I enjoy this? Yes.

Would I read this again in the near future?: Yes.
Mwomnom chapter 1 . 10/21/2013
First of all, I really liked the philosophical musing that took place in the first half of this prologue. It really has some weight to it and issues problems that we are all familiar with. This helps a reader understand your character and his motives much, much better. What I am not content with is the length of this first installement. This is absolutely insufficient, even for a prologue. You definitely show skill in these mere few lines, but they are simply not enough to tell us anything for this story. Anything at all. You could have just merged this with the first chapter - both the length and the amount of information revealed would have been far, far more satisfying.

That being said, I really did enjoy this beginning. Well done.
The Autumn Queen chapter 1 . 10/20/2013
Interesting beginning. I love the questions you start out with; they really do have this sort of over-arching effect in trying to address some of the fallacies of humankind, and in a rather interesting way. Particularly your third question; it's not often I see someone describing humanity as unchanging, and I'm curious to know how you plan to work with that.

"Back in the days of my past, I once..." - the "Back" and the mention of the past negates the need for that "once", so it winds up being a filler. I would suggest deleting "once". The sentence that follows is a little long as well - there were places you could have broken it up. Particularly since it sounds like the narrator is speaking out to the audience at this point. The long sentence doesn't quite fit the tone in that aspect. Could you read that without a fullstop pause without your tone changing somewhere?

I like the defeatist tone of this; in so few words you've managed to capture it beautifully. "ugh" does break up the eloquence a little, but that last line was a gorgeous finish to the prologue.
Deedee Elle chapter 6 . 10/8/2013
Hi from The Review Game. I haven't read the rest of this but you asked for a review of chapter 6 so this is based entirely on first reading from here.

I like the start with the apology- I'm assuming it is an overall narrator/overlooker who is talking as Jonathan the narrator is mentioned later on. The choice of 'exceptionally rude' gives a good impression of someone being very fastidious and correct so I'm guessing an older person.
A person should be 'whom' not a 'which' as that relates to objects. 'Jonathan, the person with whom we are concerned' would be more grammatically correct. I got a bit confused in that sentence with the list as I wasn't sure if Daniel is his former friend or archenemy (or both). Is Dia his archenemy or his mother? A few colons or semi-colons would make it easier to work out (though of course if I'd read the other chapters I guess I would know).
I like your cyclical sentence with the repetition of boundless. It has a good rhythmic feel to it (I read somewhere that things in threes work well in narrative and this is a good example).
lookingwest chapter 5 . 9/30/2013
I remember reading the beginning chapter or so of this story, and I'm glad to see here that there's a lot more concrete things going on besides just inward reflection. I liked the inclusion of the school scene and other characters, and I think it fleshes the chapter out rather nicely. I noticed in your profile you say that you're at a school that you really dislike right now - so I can't help but wonder if some of that was channeled into this scene at the poetry class. I definitely got an almost dystopian sense from the restriction of language thing that seems to be hinted at here, and I liked that because it made me wonder more about the world that Jonathan is living in.

Since I can't comment a lot on plot or characters that I don't know at this point, I just want to say that I think the first portion of the reflection on the studies and the poetry worked really well and felt strong. It really characterizes Jonathan to see what he thinks about his surroundings, even if there isn't a whole lot going on action-wise or externally. It becomes a very character driven chapter. I liked the inclusion of the sample poem because I thought it showed what he was talking about really well, and I think one of my favorite lines is when he mentions living fro the Devil. That line just came about very smoothly from your other paragraphs. Overall well done!
Rogan-ofthe-Light chapter 4 . 9/25/2013
Okay, now I am totally drawn in. You definitely have my attention and my curiosity. Can't wait to read the next chapter and find out more about this intriguing world you've created.
Rogan-ofthe-Light chapter 3 . 9/25/2013
Again I have to praise your choice of words, especially your adjectives. You really paint a picture with them. I'm really enjoying your story so far, and can relate to the view of the main character, Jonathon, I presume?
Rogan-ofthe-Light chapter 2 . 9/25/2013
This chapter is much darker than the prologue, but it intrigues me very much. I feel drawn in, and find myself wanting to know more about this character. I'm struggling to decipher if you're using metaphors or if he really can fly or use magic. At any rate, I am beginning to like this mysterious character.
Rogan-ofthe-Light chapter 1 . 9/25/2013
I already love it. It's such a sad view, but unfortunately a very accurate one. I still love the words that you use and the way that they flow. I can very much relate to being on those cliffs.
Abbytjie chapter 2 . 9/22/2013
Your prologue was terrific. Revealing not too much, not too little, it just leaves you wanting more (which is what prologues should do.)
"haters of the light" is really unnecessary, "no wonder they hate light" may not sound as fancy, but sounds much less forced. Same with "her room of hers" instead of "her room"
Your character is quite obviously depressed, but stereotypically so. You use amazing writing conventions, but to describe a very common stereotype of emo/goth that we all know. For example, why can't he dress in all white everyday, as if feebly trying to bring some light back into his/her world? That's of course just an example. Your narration flows beautifully and you describe things amazingly well, I can feel myself being lulled into the lifeless, sad world he/she lives in, while still being interested... if that makes any sense.
lookingwest chapter 2 . 9/20/2013
Well, I read the prologue before I read this and I honestly feel like the prologue could just be part of chapter one followed by a scene break because they seem to deal with the same thing and there's really a huge passage of time here. Things seem very bleak in this world, indeed. There are a few things I feel unclear about for the start of a novel - is our narrator a man or a woman? I'm assuming they're young because they mention going to school and they still seem to live with their parents - or parent, as it seems their father is dead.

I was a little confused at first when they referred to visiting the graveyard as "my graveyard" - does that mean they're dead and a ghost? I didn't get that since in the third section, but then also the gates of Hell are mentioned. There are a lot of points here where I'm not sure if the narrator is speaking figuratively or if they're being literal, and I'm not sure I liked that vagueness.

Also, with your style, it seems especially in this first chapter that you really love colons - and I love colons too, but I found that when you started using them once in almost every sentence, sometimes twice, it started to get a little distracting and repetitive. Good things though, I do kind of like the mysteries that do surround our narrator. They have a very very bleak and depressed outlook on life, but I think this shows a window into the world of depression and apathy and how dangerous that can be, which I liked because of your use of bringing up challenge topics. The theme of light and darkness also played in very well. It's short - sensory detail could maybe fill it out (what did the graveyard smell like, etc.) but overall I think you've got a good grasp on narrative voice :)