this is getting kind of ridiculous author D:

i love your cover

I like this story a lot, it's a very cute and enjoyable read, but I do have some 'criticisms'. Mostly, they're related to my personal taste, as your writing in itself is excellent, and you have a very engaging way of storytelling. But as you've asked for constructiveness and I've gotten very engaged in these characters, I wanter to list things.

- right from the beginning, I hated the way Annie/Antonio acted. He's too pushy, too naughty, too touchy-feely. Everything about him is hateful, which makes me not care for him as a character, only wish he'd get beat. Which doesn't happen. I got frustrated.
- Mercy is getting manhandled all the time, but for some reason never resists? This PISSES ME OFF. Hardly ever does he push Antonio away, he's getting touched all over, pushed against walls. He's only used his ability once for combat purposes. It makes him look like an idiot without any self respect. If someone touched me in that fashion, I would've bashed their face in a long time ago. And I'm not even a violent person. If I could sprout ice from my hands I would act like the boss.
- honestly, I understand it's shocking that Bentley is the victim, but he's far too innocent and uninvolved to be the one getting abducted and tortured. I get that he's Mercy's best friend, but it was just not fun to read. And I can't help but hate Eric Holloway for making Bentley spy on a possibly dangerous criminal without keeping an extra eye out himself. He's head of what's supposedly the Super FBI, right? Place some special agents around the freaking building, dangit!

BUT I like the turn this has taken, though I'm disappointed Mercy isn't a dangerous criminal mastermind after all. He's just one of the good guys now. I was liking the ice and fire thing, but I suppose it still counts. I like how you have Antonio's creepiness make sense regarding his desire to meet Cerberus, and how the father is an absolute villain. I also like the 'mind controller', 'memory stealer', 'shape shifter' combo. Good choice.

I love BENTLEY! He's a sweetheart! So kind, with the butterflies. Spencer is a jerk, I'm hoping Bentley won't keep on accepting his abusive behaviour. It's disgusting, even if he's just jealous or whatever.

Uh, why in the WORLD does he give in to Annie? That doesn't make sense, at all. Rather he should beat her, hard. I don't like how he's acting like a wimp, he's got superpowers for goodness' sake. Pacifism should only be used in a cool way x)

Other than that, brilliant chapter. Love the action. I wasn't liking David because he was being too exaggeratedly 'good', but now that he's lost it I'm all excitement. Love you for writing this.

ooooooooooooooh shit. It's getting serious. I never would have guessed that Mercy wasn't really born into the family. I assumed maybe Richard killed his wife but that was it. I wonder if Mercy will tell David of what will happen or if there is a way to resist of not doing something because your will power on certain subjects is too strong. This is getting really good and I'm glad I decided to read it

Poor Mercy. I hope Annie gets her ass kicked. I woulda let her burn but that's just me

This is really good so far. I don't really read on fictionpress but I'm glad I have blackstorm on DA watch because this is an interesting story. I like Mercy's name.

I. AM. GOING. TO. KILL. THINGS. Lots of things to comment on now that the truth is beginning to unfold.

I can't imagine that being easy to write because gdi I wouldn't want to. I will say that Cerberus has managed to become my favorite character, while only actually appearing in one chapter. Which, I think is the coolest thing, and possibly why he is my favorite at the same time. For all the bad press Cerberus has, he actually seems like a true badass. It makes me wonder what was going on behind Cecilia's death.

Of course, I greatly dislike Richard. We see in this chapter why everyone despises this family so much, and why Mercy always feels disowned for not wanting to follow in the family business. I couldn't believe he would completely turn on Mercy simply because "Oh look new maniacal son yay." That's also something I would be careful of when writing those characters. Antonio is a very Joker-y villain, in a way. A lot of his mannerisms make more sense now that I know his back-story (why he has no boundaries and uses his body to his advantage), but at the same time he is the cackling evil villain that I can't really connect with, which is why I'm having a hard time really feeling for him, when all his motives make a ton of sense. True, motives aren't always supposed to be excuses, just reasons, but still. He chuckles darkly and smirks a lot. Not one vulnerable moment for me to pursue my usual villainy love. Granted, following Richard like a lost puppy is both a good flaw, and an understandable action. I want to slap him because he wants daddy's love and power so much, he hasn't even thought to take revenge on Richard for being a right dick (Or maybe that's coming in a later chapter once Antonio is cemented into Richard's good graces, I just didn't get that feel from this chapter.) This is a man Antonio could team up with Mercy on to take the fuck down, but both he and Mercy would end up getting in their own way of forming an unexpected alliance. Antonio isn't stupid, but he's letting this need blind him from the fact that he could probably do better without Richard, whether he can snap his fingers for what he wants or not. That's not a writing issue either, just me raving at Antonio to OPEN HIS DAMN EYES UGH.

I think I like Cerberus so much just because of my personality preference, too. He's detached, bold. "Go on. Slit my throat." He was gonna /call/ a bitch's bluff. I figured he had to get it from somewhere, and Richard might be somewhat like that, but he seems to be leaning toward cackle-y as well. There's nothing even wrong with this, and it's only my opinion, just something to consider depending on how you want Antonio to be perceived. Will all we know him as is this laughing exterior, or will we see a bit more of that tender humanity (besides the daddy-issues I mentioned above)? Same goes for Richard, and how close his character will be to Antonio's. It's only chapter 12, and their personalities will inevitably evolve as the story goes on, just sharing my thoughts now! :)

UGH BENTLEY. NO. BABY GET OUTTA THERE. DAMMIT RICHARD.

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NOT ERIC JFC DAVID WOULD NEVER FORGIVE HIM NOT AFTER CECILIA AND NOT AFTER MERCY HAS BEEN SO DAMN CAGEY. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU DON'T OPEN UP TO PEOPLE, MERCY. THEN NO ONE KNOWS WHAT THE F IS GOING ON. UGH WHY YOU SO STUPID SOMETIMES.

Also, speaking of Cerberus, where in the hell was he this chapter since he knew that Antonio was looking for him? Did he not think something was going to happen? UGH.

MY EMOTIONS ARE IN SHAMBLES AND YOU ARE TO BLAME. Great chapter, and can't wait to see where we pick up after this!

UGH MERCY YOUR MAN-PAIN IS MAKING ME WANT TO SLAP YOU. As soon as Antonio imitated Eric, it became David's business. Obviously he's going to ask questions because he cares about you, but this could potentially hurt him you dimwit. FOREVER SIGHING AT YOU. David isn't all innocent but dude you're not stupid LOOK AT THE BIGGER PICTURE. You agree to answer questions at dinner and then answer a whopping TWO QUESTIONS BEFORE YOU STOP. AREN'T YOU JUST A LITTLE TALKER.

Ahhh awkward first dates. Way to take your date to a place where the staff hates him, David. COULD YOU NOT HAVE DONE A LITTLE BETTER FOR YOUR BOYFRIEND?!

Antonio, just waiting to find your weakness dude. Your time to fry will come.

CERBERUS I AM IN LOOOOOOOOOOOVE. BADASS CALM DUDE WITH AFFECTION FOR HIS BROTHER THAT HE HAS TO ERASE I AM SWOONING. Really though, I could imagine the detachment, but soft tone to his voice. So casual, but so uncaring. It was a nice mix. And I thought I saw some foreshadowing in an earlier chapter or something, but CERBERUS IF YOU SACRIFICE YOURSELF FOR MERCY AT ANY POINT I MIGHT CRY. AND NOT TEARS OF JOY.

Antonio I will cut you. Basically, my mantra every chapter.

David and Mercy aeoigj;roigj. Mercy, just let David try and be there for you. STOP PUSHING HIM AWAY. It's infuriating and I will have to punch you.

Ooooh Eric's first appearance should be fun to read. It will be interesting to see the dynamics between the brothers, Eric and Mercy, and just how bad/good Eric actually is. Plus, what could he want with David?

On to the next! :)

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH CERBERUS HI HOW YOU DOIN' BROODY. BE STILL MY HEART.

Okay. I'm cool.

Dawh, David protecting Mercy from Annie. AND LEARN SOME DAMN BOUNDARIES GIRL, GEEZ. Ugh, poor Mercy having a panic attack. At least he had some strong arms to fall into, but aijg;owigj.

Loved everything about the scene at David and Spencer's house. A nice break from the angst. SPENCER YOU LIL ASSHOLE DON'T MAKE ME LIKE YOU AGAIN. DICKS WHO ARE THE COMIC RELIEF AND HAVE A SOFT SPOT SOMETIMES YOU HAVE FOUND /MY/ WEAK SPOT. Petting Bentley's hair, how dare.

I like the idea of the tattoos coming alive, too. I've always liked that concept, and I was surprised and excited to see you had done something of that sort.

AND THEY KISSED THEY KISSED THEY KISSED YIPEEEEE. What a couple of stupid cuties.

OKAY ON TO MEET CERBERUS YAY.

Geez Spencer, just take a picture of his mouth, you'll remember it better. DO YOU NOT NOTICE THE OTHER BODY IN THE ROOM LIKE ARE YOU INTO THREEWAYS.

Dominik, you cryptic idgit, what was with all the riddles? Are you playing matchmaker? HE COULD HAVE BEEN A LIE DETECTOR FOR THEM IT WAS SO CLOSE. His questions further solidified my thoughts that Cerberus isn't all bad. Some good thoughts could have very well been erased at the order of their "father." Dominik seemed keen on reminding Mercy that he couldn't use his powers on blood, SO WHY BRING IT UP, FOO, HUH?! Plus, Mr. Dominik, why in the hell do you know so much about this family? Did Cerberus erase a memory of Dominik from Mercy's memory or something? If he knows so much about the family, how much did he know about Mercy before the party, and why wouldn't they have met? Probably because Mercy stays away as much as possible, but still, at least in passing or something they might have seen each other. Curious, indeed.

I still liked David throughout the past few chapters, but he was like a big puppy before he went raging asshole, so I think his first impression kind of stuck with me. He's obviously trying, and Mercy keeps getting in his own way.

ANNIE GDI GO AWAY. That is all.

I WAS WONDERING IF DAVID WOULD EVER NOTICE THE BURN MARK. It was so cute when he put his hand on Mercy's shoulder. The feels for this couple are strong. I just want them both to stop being stubborn asses and GET BACK TO WHERE WE STARTED GAH.

Bentley, baby, Spencer is a dick who needs to be put in his place. Set your bugs on him! Wasps and bees everywhere! Lol.

noooo ... :)