|Reviews for Screaming From The Sky|
| Mislav chapter 1 . 8/12
Such a disturbing and thought-provoking story. It really captured the horrors of war (well, more of its afrermath) and PTSD, as well as dementia. I especially liked the attention to details, all the little details you included into the story: Ray's cold hands, his wrinkled ear, his train of thought (he thinks about roasted meat one moment, then about sex, etc.) I didn't expect the reveal halfway through the story, that Ray was hallucinating about the phone conversation. I thought he was talking to one of his equally delusional old army buddies. As soon as I read the part about the shiv, I knew Ray was going to attack someone. But the finale was still pretty gruesome. It was quite fitting that Ray died immediately afterwards, while trying to save his fellow soldiers... just in a delusional state of mind and only killing an innocent man in the process. The last line was chilling. Keep up the great work. I always like reading your stories.
| alltheeagles chapter 1 . 6/22/2015
I like how you show the contrast between reality and what’s in his head – without clear delineations or formatting changes. I think it makes the difference all the more stark and really drives home the point about how he is living in his fantasies. In the end, we also wonder if he really did stab the nurse or if that was also a figment of his imagination. The last line was left open as well, as to whether there really was a voice telling him to do it. I also like your surprise ending because it DID surprise me and the surprise made sense given the buildup you had going. The way you’d been telling it with that relatively slow pace and lack of tension, I thought this would be one of those ‘sad reflection on Vietnam War PTSD’ pieces. The violence shocked me out of my placidness, but it wasn’t totally illogical, and it was in itself a strong statement against the war.
| cybersheep chapter 1 . 10/29/2013
The Nursing home setting is something I haven’t really seen before, so it’s fun to see something new. I think the second para could maybe read better if you rearranged it a little (bring ‘from his third story room…Nursing home’ to the beginning?) – otherwise the staring and the garden he’s staring at seem quite disconnected.
I loved the ‘it may have been ‘hello’’ line – such a cool way of showing how numb he sort of is.
‘Not that he had ever had many visitors…’ – this sentence could maybe do with being broken up a little, as it was a little hard to read with no punctuation.
‘”It’s secure.” Ray said’- typo – should be apostrophe not full stop here. Also after ‘just a moment.” Said the voice’.
I like the way this plays with memory – how Ray can’t remember his kid’s name, but find the passcode somewhere, and has this lovely flashback scene when he’s listening to the music.
‘Some yellow Goddess[’]s thighs’ – apostrophe edit.
Maybe put in a break after ‘much time passed’ to acknowledge the perspective shift?
‘He most likely feel during the night’ – should that be ‘fell’?
Bahaha, loved the dark ending, because I am a somewhat violent soul. This was a really interesting read, so different to anything I’ve really seen before.
| Shampoo Suicide chapter 1 . 10/20/2013
Your description is really a strong point in this piece. It really makes the drifting into dementia real for the reader, and I appreciated that. I also liked that you seemed to seamlessly weave in his delusions with the actual setting of the hospital.
I really enjoyed the ending quite a bit. It was indeed tragic, but I found the last line to be beautiful.
| deadaccount2019 chapter 1 . 10/8/2013
Probably the only negative I could find was in the dialogue. There were three lines where it would have flown better if single sentences had been divided into two.
["Haha you always were a needy SOB, just a moment."]
[I'm going to check your vitals, you'll be a good boy now won't you?"]
[Blood pressure steady rising, just what's got you so agitated hmm?"]
It feels so natural how Tully slips in, and then not quite out of his memories. There's never really a sudden moment; it just happens as easily as breathing. Imo, this was a very accurate portrayal a spell of dementia, and reading it through the patient's eyes made it that much more unnerving.
I also really appreciate the peek into the darker side of nursing homes. I like that it wasn't over-the-top about demonizing nurses. The nurse says enough to remind the reader that the job is highly stressful and can sometimes be unpleasant, but at the same time doesn't go so far as to attempt to justify geriatric abuse.
Overall the piece is disturbing, mainly due to how realistic it is as a portrayal of mental illness in patients, particularly the elderly. The entire time I was reading it, I couldn't help thinking of various conversations and incidents with loved ones who went through some form of dementia or another. As disturbing as it is, though, the realism is really what drew me in and makes me love it. Amazing work!