I really love the random but relevant thoughts that pop into your characters' heads. It's so incredibly creative and unique, and that makes your characters all the more interesting and alive.

For instance, one of the lines that really captured my attention was, "what his dick must do when he plays the violin real fast" –I mean, who thinks of that but Molly? It's just so engaging and fantastic and refreshing.

I also adore the poetic description of Col's kiss. It was just beautiful. *sigh*

I find it interesting that Molly, as all your main characters, to some extent, have this sense of wonder and optimism about them as they talk about love/relationships. Like, for all of Molly's sarcasm and what not, he recognizes or at least believes that something in the kiss he shared with Col was special and real. And I think that's really beautiful that they are able to hold on to that part of themselves.

Interesting, Col's gone with Vari? Molly and Walker are believing that she took him, and I can see that, but I also wouldn't put it past Col to be the one to kidnap Vari or something. For an old sick guy (by Soma standards), he's got a lot of tricks up his sleeve.

"Its grease rises to the surface" I love this, and what follows. It makes Soma seem really alive (and kinda sorta icky, which I think is what you're going for).

I found it interesting that the nature documentary was showing animals killing other animals. I wonder if that’s supposed to be a subtle indication of the Soma’s government’s propaganda. Like—look at how savage and dangerous all these now extinct animals were, a life without them is the life you want.

Aw, after Col, Vari’s kisses just aren’t the same anymore, eh?

Okey, doke, a lot happens in this chapter, and I was with you until Molly meets the little girl. I feel like there were a lot of cool images and things to learn, but it all just got a tad difficult to follow.

The little girl was great! I like how Molly was kind to her even though he thought she was kind of bratty—I like the reveal about his past.

Also, the view into the Quarry was really chilling. I loved the juxtaposition with the girl reading and all the violence. It really brought out how terrible the “norm” is.

But then, I wondered, how did the mere description of “tall man” inform Molly that it was Col Nola was talking about?

[The glass cracks through clouded again] Maybe I’m just slow, but I read this sentence several times and I feel like it’s missing something? Or is “cracks through” supposed to be one thing? The image is super cool, but I’m also not sure what’s going on?

I think, first of all, that Molly is not a nice boy, but his perspective certainly pulled me along. Talking of android waiters, do you think Gir would do better than the human waiters, if he had to serve waffles or something?

In all seriousness, I get that this is a fantasy context and a really rough setting too. The grim brutality of the world and that horrible twat who has castration fantasies is lightened by Molly's unstoppable, deadpan humour and detached outlook.

I enjoy the worldbuilding the way it's presented to us from Molly's perspective, in a convincing way. It's natural that the boundary should get his attention when it goes transparent. Interesting, this moment of compassion of his with Dead Boy, but I suspected an ulterior motive and I was right. Lucky Dead Boy, what a privilege!

I always marvel at how different the tone of voice is during flashback segments of Col's chapters. I mean, there was always at least a hint of darkness in him, but usually it was packaged in dryness and small doses - blink and you miss 'em. In these flashbacks, though, we finally get the whole, concentrated form. The mines, the gangs, the spider traps, he describes them all with a cavalier tone like either he's not affected or trying to convince himself he's not affected, but when he talks about Sire is when it really hits the heart. He wants so badly to connect, it's crushing to see him give up before his mind can even process his *intent*. It's always seemed, from all previous Col chapters, that Sire was out of his reach, but this segment drives home the fact that maybe that's how it's always been.

Lots of quotables in this first part, too - 'stone should not hurt', 'no-one is from here, people get put here', and the whole opening about wishing headaches were like one night stands (haha as someone who suffers from some rather nasty migraines, I can totally relate!)

Haha Col trying to teach Nola how to fight, and failing at it spectacularly. (Why is he so cute when he fails? *squeezes*) Oh Col. And T1bbles! The part where Col says he recognizes the Morse code and the 'slight consonant change' made me laugh.

('"Dead Body," she coos, walking her fingers walk up [...]' Slight hiccup here? Maybe Walker was on your mind, heh :D)

That train suicide... o_o. I have to say, though, it was a very well-executed (pun?...no) sequence. I flinched and felt a bit queasy when it happened, and then a bit more when no-one else on that train *cared*, and Vari just explained it all away with clinical nonchalance. That's cold. Wow.

I fangirl expert coder Col so hard. Like you won't even believe. I don't even love the fact that he's good at it half as much as how he *knows* he's good at it, and it's this assurance if nothing else that grants him a backbone with Vari. I love how he recognizes that, of all the things that trip him up about Soma, it's not the tech. Augh that part where he goes codes don't hate and codes don't love and he can *deal* with that - all the feels, you guys. All the feels.

I think the talk with Vari's father broke my brain a bit. The Plague's 'not real'? WHAT. The talk with Vari and Col that followed calmed me back down, though, so it's all good.

And then that final scene broke my brain anew.

To get the bit of CC out of the way: this last scene seemed a teeny bit less polished than usual? Like there were multiple instances of its/it's confusion and some phrasings like '[...] won't squirt sap at you when go you for [...]' I do hesitate to mention it because I'm not 100% sure it's not a deliberate device given Col's... state of mind. And what a state of mind it is. Funnily enough, I was actually drinking tea when I started reading this last scene, and it started off so calm and innocent like you have to choose the right leaves and suddenly what. Huh. Oh. Oh. 'Branches'. 'Water temperature.' 'Yikes.' (Yeah this was how eloquent my inner brain dialogue was while reading). This really puts a lot of his earlier, throwaway quotes in a completely different light ('I'm Sire's tea boy / I fetch her tea') and raises so, so, so many questions about Col's headspace, but right now I'm just grinning here and looking forward to the next installment because things are really, really picking up and I imagine it's going to be quite the ride!

In summary: I LOVE. PLEASE UPDATE SOON. *poke, poke*

I like this chapter. It’s got an eerie and surreal feeling.
It’s so exciting to meet Sire! I didn’t expect her to be so weird. (Even though none of the characters in this story are normal haha) And I love the shoe polishing details!
Even when Sire is being “nice,” she gives me the creeps O.o

Ick Vari is so gross. I really don’t like her.
Though the non profit prostitution line was hilarious :D

I love this: “jobs in soma must be like Gangs in Quarry.” That seems strangely applicable to our world today.

CC
About the first line to the chapter – I didn’t expect that would be Col. It sounded like more something Molly would say. Though maybe Col was different when he was younger.
And the part where Vari is looking compassionate – I know all your characters have more to them than meets the eye, but that part felt a little forced to me.

Molly finding out he's a Three has definitely upped the intrigue factor. As for the rest of the opening, Slippy is creepy and repulsive but a really solid character, all fleshed-out and grimy and sleazy. Molly has quite a number of great lines in this segment too - that bit about 'serving cocktails, serving cock' and his blatant 'No I'm not. Why even say that?' when Corey says he's a good person. Also, I love that he used * * as his excuse for skipping work. Heheh. Technically only 90%-lying, then? Ahahaha.

Whatever went down at Vince's in the past doesn't sound good. We know that it left Molly with a plate and some screws, and that he spent some time in hospital, and we know that Slippy knows but... somehow I get this feeling those hints are quite happily living at the tip of an iceberg.

The part where Molly comforts Walker in the elevator, and then again about Iggy is really sweet. If anything, it drives home how privileged Walker is more than Molly's comments about his interior decorating, and we get the sense that he's just really, really in way over his head. Like he not only didn't see it coming, he didn't think that he and encounters like these were even on the same plane of existence, but he's so torn up and freaking out about it that you can't help but feel sorry for the poor man.

So in light of all that, I'm not at all surprised that he agreed to the Virtual trip. And that Virtual trip. Mmmm. I don't actually want to give some giggly 'That was hot' comment (well, it *was* of course, but that's a given :D) What I mean is that it could have easily been handled in a way that was just smut for smut's sake but it really...wasn't? The way it was presented with the Virtual trip and the frantic, broken, almost stream-of-consciousness narration made it really vivid and beautiful and artistic. And there were little tidbits dropped throughout that scene that briefly, just briefly, pulled us away from the act and shoved us close enough to get an intimate, almost intrusive look into their minds. High!Walker convincing himself that he didn't need Iggy, or trying to. Molly reminding himself that Walker didn't need *him*, and how much relief that brought him. Molly thinking momentarily that he was being screwed by Soma, and that could have meant like three different things and it was just so perfectly-timed and raw that I fear I will probably gush about the execution of this scene forever. It definitely warrants a re-read, or four.

That ending, though. With Sire and the knife in Molly's shoulder and where is she taking Walker and oh oh oh she has the Plague? Yikes! I absolutely adore that last line though. Especially when compared to Walker, Molly just seems to shrug off all of these things that happen to him (and/or because of him, or because of Vari) but this shows that all of the madness has really started getting through to him :( Gah...

Oh my, Molly might be one of the most interesting characters I've ever read. Every paragraph something new and strange about him unfolds and I'm left just soaking it in. Wondering what is going on in that brain of his - blood soup with a femur ladle? I have to wonder if it's all for show - cause the alternative is pretty scary (good scary).
This chapter was fluid, your scenes transition so well, even when you skip portions (like the climbing into Molly's lair). I'm pleased that Col and Molly's narrative voices are pretty unique from one another. Col is so unsure and overwhelmed with all of his 'ums', while Molly's voice is, as Col says, super confident and energetic.
I'm still enjoying all of the subtle hints at the futuristic technologies, rather than forcing us into it with long explanations of things that might not have anything to do with the plot, at that moment at least. Like the inner GPS(like implants?) and the transporters.
I feel like I'm starting to kind of understand the white plague. Kills you young, maybe ages you rapidly? Or ages your insides rapidly. I love Col's POV because Soma is so alien to him, since it's alien to me also I feel like a tourist right along with him.
That last scene is so smooth, just like Molly with that needle. I'm positive Molly is a sociopath of some kind, how could he not be?

Aw man, I love love love Molly's voice. Like, I cannot express that enough. It's incredibly witty and viciously entertaining, what a great character. I love the pacing of this chapter, there's so much to see! The conflict between Molly and the old shit really pulled me into this piece, and then we just sort of drift into the future with the help of lines like 'android waiters' and the wall, and the white plague (awesome name) - like we've been there all along. And then we're introduced to - what I'm guessing - is the bigger plot with Soma and the Quarry and the dead boy over the wall. Well done. The chapter is long but it reads fast and I am ready for more.
I have so many favorites in this, like the diabetic eating chocolate - brilliant.
I really enjoyed this, it's a fantastic first chapter, doing all the things it should like hooking the reader and keeping them there, at the level they started.

Okay… that dream as sure as hell ka-reepy. But it was really, really well done. Perfectly described and everything. I love how it seems real until the skin peeling happens and you know something’s up. Also, I thought it makes for an interesting plot progression and character contrast. Molly seems to be pretty smitten with Col, but Walker senses something wrong with him. And remembering the ending of the last chapter, something definitely seems to be.

Oh, okay. Molly just put Walker to bed. *snickers* My mind was being dirty and I thought they’d had sex or something.

[Molly’s friend’s are fucking something] No apostrophe?

[he used to be pretty heavy into drugs] Are you talking about Iggy or Vari here? I know Vari’s a girl, but the previous sentence is talking about Vari so the subject confused me just a little.

Oh geez that’s creepy. I’m imagining Walker checking the computers, and then all of a sudden Col appears by his side in lightning speed like a phantom or something. It’s pretty impressive that Walker’s keeping his cool though. Then again, it is his house.

I really like the line about how giving orders takes energy. It makes me think about how in even in our sorta tech advanced world, we have all these gadgets supposedly to make our lives easier, but then we have to organize and order everything anyway.

So the ending was really great. I love that we learn more about Soma and the Quarry. I also like how we’re getting to know the world little by little. Because characters like Walker and Vari obviously lived there their whole lives and wouldn’t go into the trouble of explaining to readers, “This is Soma. It’s like this.” The way you’re presenting it feels very organic.

My one teensy issue with this chapter was that the transition between Walker’s meeting with Col to his discussion with Molly felt a little abrupt. I mean, Col was being suuuper suspicious and even though he managed to distract Walker with a tidbit of info that was also rather suspicious and caught Walker’s attention, it seems like Walker forgot all about his meeting with Col in the last section. Unless the line about chasing a ghost has to do with Col? Hmm. I think, I’d like it if it was just a bit more connection between the two sections, but that’s just me.

Really solid chapter. I love how, as the action slows down a bit, your characters are really developing opinions and insights about each other. And it seems like they’re all a tad unreliable as narrators? That triples the fun!

I have mixed feelings abou this chapter. On one hand it's nice that the plot is moving along, as we learn more. About Soma, and the dialogue keeps me interested. But that's the thing: the narrative and writing here feels unbalanced. Starting off, the chapter uses a mix of dialogue and narrative, but in the middle of the chapter it suddenly uses only dialogue said by the characters and rarely narrative unless needed. Maybe it's just me, but it feels out of place.

Still, keep up the nice work! :)

I think it's funny how hypocritical Walker is. He's so upset about Iggy booking gigs and not telling him but he did the same thing. I like how the hypocrisy is written in first person so it sounds like the gravest injustice in the world. That's amusing.
Iggy's line about how they would have gotten along all right without him is cutting though. I felt a little sorry for him then.
I like that Walker's drawn to his sister's sometime boyfriend without knowing that's who it was and even more interested when he does know. It's a fun take on sibling rivalry and I'm eager to read how much trouble he's looking to cause.
It's curious about the blood on stage. First, I wonder if Walker's the only one who noticed or the only one who was upset by it. Then, whose is it would be nice to know.
My guess is it isn't Molly's but he has something to do with it because of his macabre habits.
And Walker's drawnto Col too? That was a little surprising because in his introductory chapter he'd talked about having three simultaneous girlfriends and there was no mention of his liking boys. This chapter makes clear that he does.
As previously stated, something about him just seems fun.

Of course it would be *Walker* who can wax poetic about doing absolutely nothing, and sound at once sarcastic and completely sincere about it. And then he thinks about Col and I remember the creepy dream he had, and given what we've learned since the last Walker chapter,

Bit of a typo here: 'His skin his hard' :)

Heh, we finally get to meet (one of) Walker's girlfriends. And she makes her think of Walker's relationship with his father... which I guess, shows how he doesn't really value her (and by extension, possibly, *them*) very much at all.

Okay wow I might be mentally late to the party (this won't be the first time) but it only just dawned on me now how serious the whole Iggy-is-missing business actually is. The scene at the station was super eerie and had a kind of Twilight-Zone like feel, even with Walker being all mentally snarky and vulgar. And it got to the point where he actually enlisted in Vari's help. At the very beginning of this story, I had this picture in my head of Soma being practically like utopia, but the more we go on, the murkier this picture becomes. I really like the gradual erosion of this illusion, and I'm excited as always to find out more about what really lies beneath!

I found a lot of snippets from Col's narration in the opening that I really liked. It wasn't even necessarily the left-field metaphors (his balls are made of bubble film, though *those* are always a lot of fun too!) but little things peppered here and there. 'They move like black holes, and they suck like them, too' and 'This man is too solid. He doesn't occupy space; he colonizes it' and 'I am ... background noise ... so it's unsettling to realize there are people who actually tun in to my frequency' (*love* this one in particular!) Now that he's been outed as a bit of a science/tech geek these little things start to stand out more to me, and I like seeing them pop up.

Anyway I love the internal judgey-judgment he makes of the dancers (Veni, Vidi and Vici haha nice) quickly followed by the internal judgey-judgment of himself, and how he's never going to be assertive enough to actually judgily-judge anyone or anything. The whole sequence where he tries to procure rope and other items, and then proceeds to crash and burn, is also hilarious. Poor guy. Had to be rescued by a five-year-old girl. Manly badass hero right there.

So Sire sent the message. Interesting, that. And Col doesn't (yet) know what it means because of course he doesn't. Hahaha. I lurve him.

Awwww Col's reaction when he saw T1bbles :( :( :(. I'm a little irked at Vari for doing what she did to him, but maybe it's because I anthropomorphize (shrib is telling me I misspelled this word. did I? apologizing anyway!) everything and T1bbles is adorable and CAN'T SHE SEE THAT T1BBLES IS LIKE COL'S ONLY REAL FRIEND? /end yelling. Although, her cut-off line about 'that robot' before Molly dragged her away sounded like it could've been ominious. So there's that.

Loved the flashback. The parts that stood out to me were Col thinking he was too busy trying to survive to grieve his dead girlfriend, and 'Soma built the wall because Soma got tired of waking up every morning and seeing its ugly step sister.' Also, now we know Col's real name, yay! ...I probably should have realized it last chapter, but I am a derp. But now Vari's found him out and is trying to cut a deal but Col won't abort the mission and that can't possibly end well. Ruh-roh.

Final thought: 'Codes are just strings you can cut.' I see what you did there! :D

I like the short glimpse of Molly that we see in the opening of this. I wouldn't say it's tender, just more... self-aware? In a kind of sad, vaguely cynical way, when he was thinking about how Col had kissed him like the world was ending, and he couldn't 'hack that responsibility'. He can't have people needing him, etc. Later on in the chapter, he thinks about how he's the perfect candidate to 'disappear' and the mood from the opening returns again. It's refreshing to read him like this, especially since there's this near-certainty that the mood will evaporate in the next paragraph (i.e. whoop, suddenly he's creeping on Walker, mmmm...)

Love how he can't get Col out of his head :P. He's got it baaaad.

Awww Vari hurt T1bbles. :( Not cool. Although I had to giggle when she claimed all she wanted to do was 'open him up and copy his code' (um, pretty sure he wouldn't have appreciated that) and Molly goes 'She's sitting next to a hammer and a Taser gun. I don't dispute her story.' Heh.

Vari wants to spread the Plague into Soma then? Was that her master plan all along? Interesting how Molly doesn't exactly seem enthusiastic about it. Though, I wonder if it's because he just misses his Col, or if maybe...

'...the Orange District's about as welcoming as a whore with Vagina dentata.' Wow. These figures of speech, just wow XD.

I like how concerned (almost but not really paternal) he got with Nola. Though, that symbol appearing and some of the things she was saying at the end seemed to hint at something not-quite-pleasant. Can't wait to see what that's all about (and also, to bring us back to Col again!) :3

In the 8th paragraph, there is a little typo - "ask I they're still alive" instead of "ask if they're still alive" - I only mention because your work is normally so clean.

So, as I always, I enjoyed the chapter. I like that it has Walker taking a little more of an assertive role. And I feel like the action is starting to feel like it's really starting to build up. I'm really curious what will happen next!

That being said, it's a little weird that he's afraid of these people finding out where he lives. The cops already have his face and know what band he is a part of. In the future (even kind of know) that is probably enough to figure out who he is and where he lives - especially if they can delete pictures off of his personal devices. But I guess he doesn't know who is following him - it might be someone else entirely like someone from Quary. Plus, I guess he's new to thinking about the world around him him.

Anyways, thank you for another great update!

You do a really good job with writing in this chapter. Using simple words, you manage to get across the emotions and depth in the setting and the characters. For example, I like the phrases "The notes soar…" and "…let my gaze wander…" It's very decent and yet it matches the tone of the story perfectly. One nitpick I have with this chapter is that the character says 'fuck' one too many times. And yeah, I know that it's part of his personality, but I kinda expect a few things deeper than just swearing like a sailor. But like I said, it's just nitpicking; I'm only looking for flaws.

And for what you've got, I enjoyed this :)