Walker's voice immediately struck me as the most different of the three. To put it simply, he sounds... like a rich boy! Which I'm guessing was the whole point to begin with. For someone born with a silver spoon in his mouth, he's pretty candid about acknowledging he's one of the lucky ones. Also, I like that he's well aware of his awful (lack of) money management skills, but doesn't really seem to be making any effort to improve in this regard. Maybe it's because he's rich in the first place, but I'm guessing it might have more to do with the devil-may-care vibe I've been getting from him. Or it might be because it's *his* money and so he feels he's entitled to do whatever he wants with it.

I particularly like the banter he has with Iggy. That part was amusing and reminds me of some of the conversations I would have with my sister at 2am on Fridays/Saturdays. Mm-hmmm.

But then there are some parts where you show a glimpse of naivete in him - both instances, Iggy calls him out on it, but just like that the moment is gone in a flash, and they've moved on to something else.

Some parts that I really liked and feel worth mentioning: you have some really lovely language right out of the gate with "Rhythm calls to me and so I foxtrot...", that whole sentence and how artistic it is, and then the way he promptly subverts it in the next. The way he describes Soma is vivid and really effective as well. And "I step out into the balcony as my pulse palpitates in my ears. The wall looks like a colourful misconception, like the city lights forgot where they were supposed to shine..." So, so pretty.

So, I'm going to start off this review with a confession: I don't usually go for first-person POV fics. Or... first-person POV *anything*, really. I don't know if it's because I've read way too many cringe-worthy first-person things in the past, things that were obvious self-insertion/wish-fulfillment vehicles, and other unpleasant... things (MARVEL at my eloquence).

But this... this is a breath of fresh air :D. Both of the characters you've introduced so far who narrate chapters to the reader are just really engaging. It helps that they're both hilarious, and that they've own got their little quirks (more on that later). They also don't come off as self-absorbed, which is wonderful too. And little things like this: "...I promise. I'm not a stalker. I mean, I could be, I suppose..." We're literally talking to (er, listening to) Col, and when he stutters, we read it; when he changes his mind, we get his whole thought process and not a sanitized, 'clean' version. I guess that might be why it feels so real. Anyway, I've raved about this for a good while now, but what I'm trying to say is you've managed to make me come out of my comfort zone of "FIRST-PERSON-POV-BAD!" and shown me that when it's good, it's *really* good. So. Yay you!

OKAY SO THIS CHAPTER. There were many instances in this chapter when I wanted to reach out and give Col a hug, but... I'm wary of catching whatever he has. But he's so self-deprecating, the poor dear, and he's clearly had it rough. Also he thinks 35-year-old people are Old-old. And he's such a fish out of water in this whole chapter. The references to Sire were intriguing (and she's a woman! There's another thing I totally didn't see coming) and with the tone of some of the stuff he says, I'm wondering if there's some juicy backstory there. But, I will wait patiently.

Because you give us sentences like this - "I don't want to talk about the rest of this. It's embarrassing. So I climbed a wall and got to the top and an ice age came and went. The end." - that make me go Pfffffft and start giggling to myself in an empty house, and that's great. Carry on, please.

Ohh I see you weren't kidding about Molly's... mental state. I also spent way too much time trying to figure out what hyperossification means - is it like that disease where something-something happens and then all of a sudden, muscles start turning to bone? Is this a thing? Is this indicative of the White Plague somehow (would make sense because bones and white)? All of these questions, see, I have them.

"I'm... Col. Like Coal." Dear God, I can just imagine him trying to be helpful, and thinking that second sentence would add more clarity in his head. Bless his soul. Also, ? Is that... is that part of the complicated Quarry Naming System (TM) that Molly mentions?

That part where he remembered the girl who got with him to die. Oie. Punch me in the gut :(.

BUT THEN he gets drugged (of course) and ends with "I am officially the worst kidnapper ev-" and I'm giggling again.

Ack, sorry if I wasn't so helpful in this review :3 To sum up: your wielding of first-person POV makes me a happy child, your writing is quirky and fun, I want to hug Col but I'm afraid of his cooties, and I still have All The Questions about Soma/Quarry and the Plague and everything. Fun stuff!

Yay! I have caught up but now there are no more updates :( but anyway! Ahh shit! Stuff went down in this chapter! We finally got a glimpse of sire! I thought she wanted Molly but she just took walker! I hope you guys update soon!

Ahh great chapter! I'm so intrigued about what happen to iggy and what it means that walker doesn't remember the cops and they are confused also. I wonder if it will somehow be connected to sire, maybe not but I want to know where iggy went and why! I like how the three main characters affect each other and seem to be making them look at things differently! Great job as always :)

That very first line amused me greatly. Blunt and funny and unapologetic, great way to start a story!

So I love Molly's voice. He's so witty and dry and profane. And hilarious. It's a lot of fun to read, especially as sometimes he'll just blurt out something completely out of left-field. It really gives this story (or this chapter, anyway; I cheated and took a peek at chapter 2, whoops!) more oomph, a certain something all its own.

I also love what you've given us of the setting so far. At the very beginning it was pretty vague, until Molly mentioned android waiters and that made me pause. Later on, we find out about the wall and the quarry, and it raises all sorts of burning questions - which is great for a first chapter, so yay that!

Speaking of burning questions - I have no idea why Molly kissed Dead Boy, what with nasty nasty plague and all. We get hints that he's not really all right upstairs, but I'm really curious as to where he plans to go with this. I'm sure I'll probably learn more as I read along, but I actually don't mind that you ended it where you did - abruptly, and just what I expected from a chapter narrated by Molly XD. All in all, fun stuff so far!

JM (Other Bug!)

So sorry for the delay! Your review caught me in the middle of exams week. But I’m back, except my brain has the consistency of apple sauce right now, so if I say something dumb/weird, feel free to virtually pinch me or whatever.

I love the smoke flask thing! I’ve no idea if it’s inspired by something in real life, but the idea of it is really cool.

Although I was really curious what exactly it was. Like some sort of wacky aphrodisiac? I’m a little surprised at how willing Col is to try it. Maybe it’s because I think anything involving use of a gas mask is kind of scary, and it’s not so much the case in Soma.

It’s nice that Molly and Walker both caught each other’s eyes. That’s gotta mean something, right? :D I like how Molly’s pretty blunt/straight to the point when asking about his sexual orientation.

Ope, okay, smoky flask *is* a drug.

The half crushed spider part was probably my favorite line.

With your characters and their narration, I really like how you take the ball and run with it. They’re kind of crazy, but it works really well. A couple places did confuse me, though. Like when Molly talked about “master of the race” with Vari, I wasn’t super sure what he was referring to? Or is this meant to be mysterious? (Or is it obvious and I’m just being an idiot? xP)

I’m not exactly keeping track, but the T1bbles porn is another one of my top favorite parts of the chapter.

Oh Molly. Out of your three narrators, I feel like he’s the one that wants a piece of everybody a little bit. In a relationship with Vari, kisses Col, has his eyes on Walker. He’s practically a social butterfly in this way, haha.

That Col and put a sleeper hold on Walker definitely raised my respect for him. In his narration and from the other characters’ perspective of him, I thought he was practically harmless, whereas Walker was so cocky sure of himself. But wow! Did not see that happening. And what’s with the raid? Are they really after Col? Hmm. The suspense.

Great chapter. :D

This was a really great chapter! I feel like I say that a lot haha well I am still have a horrible time deciding who is my favorite! I know I don't like Vari even though she is amusing. I was really sad when col was trying to fix t1bbles so that's pretty great that you could make me feel for the robot! The humor and personal characteristics where just as amazing as always! Col still seems set on kidnapping Molly even though he likes him so much!

I liked how you started out this chapter with Walker in a really delusional state, haha. You did a good job transitioning into this dream-world-nightmare situation into reality and him waking. The whole visual with Molly falling apart was super gross and horrific, but it gets the job done to really show that Walker is very wary of Molly in reality too. The whole Col interaction was great because we also got to see Col not acting like himself or at least - what we know to be himself. I loved the bit when he snipped back at Walker "I say fuck yourself" - I'm sure the censor just bleeped that out, lol! So yeah, overall, big fan of your opening because not only was it fun, but it also characterizes Walker and the way that he subconsciously might perceive the other characters around him.

I think one of my favorite bits besides the ending was when Walker starts getting suspicious of the real Col and prodding around about him being Sommite. I really liked the tension that you were building up through the dialogue, and I enjoyed how Col reacted because I thought it was quite fitting for his character - to suddenly fling "Oh Molly and Vari are having sex in your pool!" Ha! It made me smile for sure. So you did a great job with your dialogue play there in that scene. And the tension making me wonder what might happen if Walker learns the truth. I was wondering if we were going to see some crazy Vari/Molly action, but alas, when he got there, they were done, lol.

So the ending - I really love this idea about Soma actually being a place that "contains" - what an interesting twist to the city and everyone else's situation that isn't just Col. The layers continue to be shed. Walker shows some big progress in the way he's thinking at the end that I wasn't totally expecting after say, his first chapter told in his perspective. BUT. I think you've done enough characterization here where it does make sense, and the whole idea is very mind-blowing and would really change everything. Especially this feeling like Sommites are say, better than Col and those who they ostracize from their society. They themselves might be ostracized from an even bigger one. Overall, another fun chapter, I really like Walker! Looking forward to more! :)

I gotta say you do a pretty nice job portraying different POVs in this chapter. Each one is unique, you can tell who each is each, and it's pretty clear they have personalities. I've read stories where the writer writes in different POVs, but they all end up sounding the same. I see you as an exception, plus you have a fair grasp in pacing, writing, and syntax as well as diction. My only complaint is that your first few paragraphs could have introduced the character better than just an introduction like a diary entry (unless that's what you were going for). Still it seems out of place for me, but I'm only nitpicking for problems. Keep up the good work! :)

Hi, this is for review game in depth version.

I like the opening of this story because it clinches me to read on. It is original, as well as very amusing because the guy's name is a girl. Never thought of doing that.

Haha, I like the part of the sentence "...I want to gawk too, for educational reasons..." That made me laugh out loud , it was snarky and clever. The dialogue itself flowed and was quite clever and intelligent (bit too many bad words for me, but oh well.) I also like the balance between dialogue, inner thoughts from Molly, and action. That meshed well and made it a quick read, not bogged down with additional crap. It was a good balance of description without being flowery or anything.

I am intrigued about this place called Soma. Seems fantastical and otherworldly, like scifi. I like the description of it, and the moving, invisible wall/guard...that is interesting.

The pace was quick and enjoyable. It was, again, not bogged down by too many huge, fantastical words. It had the right amount of description, action, dialogue, and inner thought monologue from Molly.

I like Molly's personality and his dialogue between the grunts and Dead boy. His characterization is quite strong, I know how he acts in certain situations by the precedent you have set for him in this chapter. His personality I think is quite strong, he is quick, clever, humorous, and kind of takes things as they come, at face value. He is just trying to deal with life, and that in and of itself is an interesting read.

Hiii! I know it's been a while but I'm so glad to be back to this story! More stuff is advancing this chapter! Com is still being mysterious, Vari is still be weird and majority scary, and walker still vaguely indiffernt. To me, it seems molly is changing the most well not changing but he's different as he wonders and worries about Col and then makes up excuses to himself and out loud about why he is worried! Always intrigued to see where this is going! Great job! Molly always makes me laugh

This is such a great chapter. Riveting. I think it is so interesting that Col is kind of indestructible (though he needs his meds) but yet he's internally so fearful. His sense of duty and loyalty seems to always trump his fears so he just does these amazingly brash things even though he's feeling really scared the whole time. It really heightens the drama of every scene he's in and I think it's a very effective technique. I love this internal line of Col's: "I'm sorry that my face broke your hand…"

I have to say I do find it curious that Col goes to a brothel to acquire rope and a gag to kidnap Molly. I suppose brothels are like convenience stores or something in Quarry (a hilarious yet very believable idea). In the early days of the 'Wild West' saloons were often the only suppliers of anything. I can easily imagine brothel/dance halls as being the only businesses/establishments of any kind in Quarry, so where else would you go?

I think the dialogue between Vince and Nola is so sweet and sad and says a lot about Soma. I also love the scene where Vari chases Nola in order to snip T1bbles' last circuit. Also like the later part when Col cradles Nola and T1bbles as he works to fix "his best friend". I'm not sure why Nola immediately tries to save T1bbles. Col just met Nola, right? I guess Nola instantly feels protective towards the "puppy robot" T1bbles and wants to save him. This totally makes sense but you might want to consider making this a little clearer.

Col/Benjamin's background story is wonderful. It's gripping even though I already know that Col survives. I wonder if the blond woman is Sire. Bet she is. ;)

Vari is truly scary. I like how she is a super programmer on par with Col. I wonder if Sire might actually think Vari's plan to infect the blood supply of Soma (or schoolchildren's vaccines) is brilliant…

Okay, now for some notes:

Wow!:
"Judging takes balls of steel or a titanium vagina and I'm painfully short of either." Titanium vagina. Might be a little uncomfortable, but so would balls of steel I imagine.

Ha ha:
"They may look like stars, but they move like black holes. And they suck like them, too."

love how it's morphine, not gold:
"In Quarry, a dancer is worth his or her weight in morphine."

like:
"This man is too solid. He doesn't occupy space; he colonizes it."

Like this med talk:
"I know who it is, but I still have a vasoactive event when he turns around."

why the repeat?:
"Why would he do that? I don't understand.

I don't understand."

I like learning more about Col's physiology:
"I, naturally, take as long as it takes to digest plastic. It has been two days without my injections. The synovium in my joints has turned to tar."

Why 'something like'?:
"Something like despair rips through my carotid."

I really like how Nola saves T1bbles but (as I said above) maybe you could make it a little clearer that she instantly cares for the robot puppy:
""Can you fix him? Can you fix the robot puppy? The bad girl took his body and legs, but I saved his head."" Really not a bog deal though. ;)

Very cool!:
"For Vibrio Cholerae. Because he scares people so badly they shit themselves to death."

love this conversation:
""Molly's my everything," Vari replies, unphased. "But some things are more important.""

Great stuff. :)

vb,

mbw/c

I am really enjoying how Molly is finding it difficult to maintain his cool ambivalence. I think Col's influence is seriously starting to affect Molly. Col's qualities like having a sense of selflessness and loyalty are even perhaps rubbing off on Molly, causing him to think very strange things like he's not "nice enough for" Col. Very interesting.

There are so many delightful phrases and images (mini narrative tableaux) popping up everywhere in this chapter like "Apocalyptic kisses" and Vari dying of plague while Col disolves in HF. ;)

Molly is the first character we meet in Soma and I feel like his state of being reflects the health of Soma society as a whole more than the other Somites (love 'Somites' btw). So, by the end of this chapter, though I am hopeful, I'm nonetheless rather concerned for the well being of the social organism that is Soma…

Okay I have some notes:

This is the only confusing line:
"Col's greedy bones can race his pending asphyxiation, and I'll place a bet on what'll get him." Not sure what Molly means here.

love this entire paragraph!:
"Which is handy, see, because Walker has nice underwear. Like really nice underwear. Like the sort I'd never wear for fear of slipping out." Waxing on about silk boxers… Nice. ;)

This is so cute:
"Mice must feel like this when they're sleeping. I'd feel lost if it didn't smell like him – musky cologne, mixed with a charming hint of garbage chute."

love this part too:
"How people will kiss as the world burns and their lips peel off." Gorgeous.

I really like how Molly describes Walker's movements as he reads the music score:
"He thumbs through a book of sheet music like he's reading words, his arms moving in long arcs, making moons." I get the feeling Walker is really just performing for Molly here.

Wonderful image sequence:
"Will I have to nurse Vari on her deathbed, and baste Col in hydrogen fluoride?"

great description here too:
"It's wet outside, and Soma doesn't suit the rain. Its grease rises to the surface, its concrete swells and its buildings sweat."

like this:
"His lights glow red, all at once, so I zap him in the...err...face-like area. Three times, all pow-pow-pow." Poor T1bbles! He's like Col's best friend! Col will feel so hurt.

Wow! Vari is amazing. She never fails to shock:
""I'm going to get his blood, and spike the donor banks with it. And then people will get sick, and people will panic, and it will be so beautiful I bet I'll die of it. Only I won't, because I refuse to die young.""

like this as well:
"she's sobbing, and then she's wailing so hard I can see her uvula" You have so many wonderfully clinical descriptions! They really reinforce the bizarre sci-fi medical/epidemiological/pharma/robotic vibe you've been developing throughout the story.

The way that Quarry is momentarily revealed and the horror going on over there is super scary and amazing:
""Look," says Nola, tugging at my arm. She points at a red smear on the Quarry side of the wall."

It's particularly affecting because now we are seeing it through Nola's eyes.

Very exciting stuff!

vb,

mbw/c

.Unfortunately I'm stuck on my phone atm, so the review will be a bit shorter than I'd like. Feel free to PM me if you have any questions.

[Writing] This chapter the writing was much closer to Molly's voice than the previous Molly chapter. I thought the sensory detail could have used some work in the later half of the chapter. We got a clear idea of Molly and Walker's state of mind, but not a lot of what they feel. Obviously getting certain details would be difficult due to lack of experience, so the best bet would be to ask questions or even look around for others who have asked and been answered on forums or such. (Actually, if you have any questions about the sensory stuff, feel free to pm me, as I might be able to help a bit).

[Scene] I thought the drug/sex scenes would have stood better as it's own chapter. The overall tone is much different from the first half of the chapter, but it also presents it's own bit of information in terms of character and world development.

[Ending] Great spot to end the chapter on! It's definitely twisty, but not completely surprising. I was kind of shocked that Sire didn't take Molly, but perhaps he's some sort of test for Col? I'm especially anxious to know why she wants Walker. One thought that crossed my mind was perhaps she's his estranged mother, and another was perhaps personal biz with Walker's dad (I was under the impression he had sone sort of standing within Soma, even if it was just through wealth). The end basically begs questions that I want the answers to, and I would definitely be continuing if the next chapter was up.

[Pacing] The pacing for the most part flowed quite nicely. I especially loved the pace of the meeting in Corey's office. I actually got pretty tensed up during this scene because the pace was slow enough for bittersweet anxiousness, but not so slow that it felt like it was dragging.

Brilliant chapter! Like the rest of the story, this chapter is amazing because there are so many lines that are both hilarious and profound. I like how Walker has a personal philosophy/modus operandi which appears to consist of 'enjoy my privileged life and don't bother about things that are unpleasant and troublesome'. Though he certainly hasn't abandoned it yet, we see him questioning it a lot by the end of the chapter.

The dream (which is super spooky, creepy and wonderful!) is the first indication Walk's world has been flipped. The second is that he can't connect to Iggy and it seems like his number has been erased. The conversations he has with Col and Molly appear to be convincing Walker that unpleasant things might be worth bothering about. I have the sense that Walk is on his way to "lie rainbows" out his ass to the authorities in an attempt to free Iggy. I am very curious to see Walk perform for the 'authorities'. I am also very curious about the 'authorities' in general. Looks like some crazy scary stuff is on the horizon…

Here are notes:

like this:
""Hi!" I say. Since he's so chipper, I should match it. That's how it works, right? How it works?" I love how Walk is *not* working right.

This is great:
"Molly looks astounded. "You're so deep, Walka!"" Deep indeed. ;)

like this, it's like he thinks he's watching a movie:
"I'm watching something not so real and I should grab a snack."

Whoa… this is so bizarre, creepy good!:
"I'm suddenly a little jealous. I would like to wear Molly at some point. I bet he's warm."

The scene between Col and Walk is terrific. Great dialogue, inner thoughts, etc.:
"Still, I thought he was clueless when I first met him, but he's not. At all."

This line is great too:
"Well, now I have to make my robots clean the pool, and giving the order takes energy. This is upsetting." It says so much about Walker.

Walker's developing sexual attraction to Molly and to Col is interesting:
"He's got his trunks on, which makes me hate that misleading towel he had draped over himself."

love this line:
"Imagining is something I don't do often. It's stupid and useless, but right now it feels good." Profound. :)

So entertaining and thought provoking. It's like delicious evil candy that's secretly nutritious and actually good for you! ;)

Very ready to read more!

vb,

mbw/c