|Reviews for Creature|
| Unxious Custard chapter 1 . 10/30/2013
Hi, I like your story. Nice ending. Your character is also written in such a way that every action of hers has an immediacy that draws the reader. However, there are a few grammatical errors. Sorry to be picky - but I always like to have mine pointed out so I can fix them. The only thing that would be better is if she were at home in bed. Change of tense here. Would is past tense like most of the rest of the story, but is is present tense. Should be written as The only thing that would be better was if she were at home in bed. Most sober people wondering about at this time in Fairbanks, Alaska would likely freeze but her body had felt so numb she hardly noticed the chill. This sentence doesn't make sense as it stands. Do you mean Like most sober people... ? I liked the way she fumbled her phone - it makes her seem very human. I also like the way Jeff developed as a character in this short tale. You have already given them both quite strong personalities.
I do hope you will return the review with a review on my story, Psychics v Terrorists, which is a modern fantasy set in England. Good luck with the writing. I hope you achieve your publishing goal.