|Reviews for Forbidden Book|
| Shang chapter 2 . 8/17
So Sato and Sakura are just okay interracting with each other despite being of a different race and just met? As far as manga goes that's fine, I suppose, but the feeling of randomness just doesn't go away here - we first get a "backstory" for Sakura (which is actually a high point of this tale thus far), but the pay-off is kinda weak.
It seemed like a pretty big issue for her and yet it's easily overcome.
It also appears you're going for a more dialogue-driven style; which I don't think is a particularly a good choice for either adventure or fantasy genre - see, the point of "fantasy" is to present something unique/magical and you can't do that properly without descriptions. Just imagine how uninspired it would be if a great, royal city gets all of one paragraph to paint the picture for the reader. In order to get your fans' imagination working, you do need to give them something to work with.
Similarly "adventure" stories are all about excitment and danger; again if you don't provide enough feeling into the tale, you won't be able to captivate readers that came here for that.
The fight with the other golem (aside from just happening, which isn't good) left me rather clueless; all I understood from it was that at one point Sakura was running, then apparently screaming and than she punched the golem for a one-shot KO. Not a spectacular battle and since I couldn't really follow it (partly because I still don't know how those golems look like), it meant nothing to me.
And a scream at the end just feels like a forced cliff-hanger; there was no lead-up or logic to it. Why does Sakura wish to check it out? Why is Sato compling with her wishes despite just a minute ago he was ready to just be on his merry way? It just feels like there's no "cause and effect" in your story and that rarely works.
| Shang chapter 1 . 8/15
So the summary gave an indication this is gonna be a simple "transported to another world" story, making me think of "Fushigi Yuugi" from the get go and, ironically, by first chapter it doesn't seem like I wa far off with only the role reversals (the guy being the protagonist).
Lets start off with the pacing, which seems to be the most glaring problem in this entry: considering the chapter is very short, there's a lot of things that actually happens; on one hand it's good that you don't drag the story, but rushing a tale is just as bad. We don't really get to familiarize ourselves with the situation before it gets resolved. Further still much of the events in this just seem random, like you were jumping from one idea to the next.
For example what is the point of the introduction scene with Kenji? Is he gonna play a part in the story later, because if not that is merely a waste of space and makes up for a rather borning start. Than we have Sato go into the library, where he picks up a mysterious book (honestly I'm not sure why he even did that - he got the book he needed and the description doesn't explain why the other one interested him... not to me anyway), gets sucked into another world were he is IMMEDIATELY attacked by some eagle.
He rather easily defeats the eagle with a lighter and rope (which, apparently, are things every high school student carries in their backpacks) and than is attack AGAIN by a different creature. Than he is saved by ANOTHER creature (considering she refers to herself as Bakemono). Why? Just what reason does Sakura have to save him, who isn't even of the same race as her? And a pink-haired girl named Sakura - I know it's kinda obvious, but because it is obvious it doesn't really make her an interesting character for the reader.
The lack of descriptions is also rather unwelcome; for example just writing that something in "half-goblin. half-golem" is not sufficient enough for the reader to properly imagine. Do know you that, despite being a popular species within fantasy genre, goblins have AT LEAST three, common iterations, each relatively different from another. Golems come in an even greater number of variations.
Add to all this that you have a relatively common problem with repetition (it's something I observe among many FictionPress writers, so you're not alone here) and you do have a lot of work ahead. By repetition I mean constantly using the same words rather than some substitues; for example you almost always reference Sato by that name rather than using "teen" or "boy". This kinda give the reader an impression you have a rather small vocabulary which, for a writer, is a pretty bad trait to have.
I apologize that this turned out so negative, but I am hoping that these pointers will help you improve. Considering this story has over 80 more chapters, all of this may have been remedied in later entries, but the initial impression this instalment leaves... well, it's not stellar, sorry.
| Datathee chapter 31 . 6/12
Poor Sato. His bravado got the best of him again. I liked that Natsuki wasn't going to give them any special favours. Lol they should work for it even if it means fishing. I wonder how many Ai could've gotten.
| Datathee chapter 30 . 4/15
I was hoping they'd get a chance to rest, but destiny calls! Plus Sakura and Arashi must be saved asap. I miss them.
Nice! Two for two. I like that Ai is getting more tools to help with the big fight to come.
These visions are worrying me. I hope Sato isn't destined to die. He's still a kid!
What is the trigger for these visions? Is it because Sato is now aware that is Susumu's reincarnation?
Is he destined to fight Katsuo's reincarnation?
Great chapter :D
| Datathee chapter 29 . 3/30
Sato is a reincarnation of a Demon Bakemono. Mind blown! I was not expecting this at all.
| Datathee chapter 28 . 3/30
Awesome! Ai got a sacred key too! I hope this will give her more of a fighting chance. I miss Sakura and Arashi. I hope they're reunited soon.
Hopefully, Sato gets answers!
| Datathee chapter 27 . 3/23
I'm glad Ai can finally learn how to fight. Good thing Sato came around to it. I was worried he would be asinine about her decision.
lol Bunka can only be relied for one thing-ditching.
So, Kaoru has a remorseful side. Interesting. Does each clone have a distinct personality?
What is Jiro after really?
| Datathee chapter 26 . 3/20
This was a fantastic chapter. Finally, Ai gets a chance to fight. It makes sense that this would be a turning point for her. Here's to hoping she'll become stronger.
It's great that the Spirit of the Wind was there to calm him. Now, there's a reason for him to keep that unknown power of his in check.
| Jae Hwa chapter 10 . 3/19
In the beginning: "A bit younger than I excepted—" Should be expected.
Finally, some action! So, we meet Hikaru, and Yoshi. I wish you'd flesh out the scenes more, and use line-breaks. Sometimes I only noticed the scene changing after one or two sentences in, which can be distracting.
| Datathee chapter 25 . 3/18
Sato, you better learn from this! Will this be Ai's moment to shine?
Kaoru, as a villain, feels different. There are people like him in this world, so the hatred towards his tyranny is relatable.
So, there is a plan to defeat Kaoru. Good!
| Datathee chapter 24 . 3/17
LOL I don't why but I find the last part hilarious. Sato goes in expecting one thing and then, bam! Evil corporation building.
It's good that Sato's flexing his muscles with the Giant Bakemono. I have a feeling Sato likes here more than home. This is where he can truly be himself. Also who wouldn't want to be super famous?
| Datathee chapter 23 . 3/17
Nice! Sato got his memory back :D Now, time to save the day again! Yuuki is adorable! I can picture him stomping away with ice hahaha. I'm excited about the spaceship. Are we going intergalactic?
Why were Sakura and Arashi taken? I hope they're okay!
| Datathee chapter 22 . 3/16
Awwwwww, Sato! He's grown so much. I hope the memory loss doesn't halt his progress. I hope he finds a way back to his friends.
I take it this is the end of this arc. The fighting sequence was good. I was surprised that Niji was taken down easily. Does that mean he's not the true antagonist?
| Datathee chapter 21 . 3/16
Sato has a choice to make. I can understand his reservation. Can he confront Niji without his powers?
Arashi really needs to learn from being rash. Going guns blazing isn't the best course of action. He could get himself or someone else killed!
Why does Niji want Ai?
| Datathee chapter 20 . 3/16
Sato, you had a good idea going. Freeing everyone from the book also meant freeing Niji too! Go deal with him!