|Reviews for Promise of Stars|
| leaht chapter 2 . 11/13/2013
Hmmmmmmmmmmmmm, things are developing! :)
I like how you're keeping things moving forward, and I love your metaphors. Your style of writing is very smooth and poetic. I envy that!
I only have one question. I get the sense that Alevia and her parents are very important people, like royalty. So how can it be that she's never worn anything as nice as a dress or gown? I could be totally wrong, but that's what I get from Anna's description. Especially since Alevia owns such nice jewelry. Common children don't usually have diamond rings and crystal necklaces unless their family is influential.
I'm very curious about what Alevia could be. Personifying fallen stars is something very new to me, and I can't wait to find out more!
| Damion George chapter 1 . 11/9/2013
Interesting great concept, is the story almost finished, when do we get the whole story.
| leaht chapter 1 . 11/10/2013
I really enjoyed this. You're a good writer. I can see you're strategic in placing your elements (the glowy markings on her neck, her drawing, her dreams, her abilities, Kendrick, Anna, the news report). Your description doesn't weigh down on me or make me sigh as I read. Seeing correctly written dialogue makes me really happy!
I'm guessing Kendrick is the same person as the boy from the prologue, so I really love that you brought him into each scene the same way, out from behind a tree. It kind of shows where Kendrick comes from, like an otherworldly place. We *know* he's not normal based on that alone. So, well done (that is, if I'm right about Kendrick being the boy from the prologue lol).
Point of view is difficult to accomplish. I don't personally work with first person or present tense, but I believe you work well with this pov. To me, first person is difficult and so, so easy to mess up, but you keep your pace, and you make it believable. Nice job!
You succeeded in making me seriously dislike Ms. McAllister. At first I was a little confused as to why McAllister hated Alevia so much, but the more she spoke the more I understood. Maybe incorporate more of their relationship in Alevia's musings other than her apprehension to avoid that confusion with other readers. Just a thought.
Anna is obviously something *other* like Kendrick and Alevia herself, but she's hiding, isn't she? To keep an eye on Alevia. She can't afford to be discovered, so I feel like her triggering the sprinkler system and fire alarm is a little too blatant, especially in that scene. Maybe have her do it after one of the security guards replies to her question about what to do about their situation. You can make it punny. XD Again, just a suggestion.
You mentioned Kendrick's eyes at the end of chapter one. Alevia found them familiar. If Kendrick is indeed the same boy from the prologue, maybe incorporate his eye color in his description there. I know it's supposed to be vague, but I feel that that little bit of description would help link Kendrick to the mysterious boy (IF that is him). Also, in the prologue maybe add some sparse description of the boy's movements or clothing because I kind of felt like she was talking to a ghost with mostly his dialogue lines.
I like how you foreshadowed the future conflict (or at least part of it) with the news report at the end of chapter two. Very good. Very iiiinteresting. I wonder how it connects to Alevia.
Lastly, I'm a little confused as to the setting. Where is Alevia exactly? She's in the US, yes, but where? I know Endelor is supposed to be a mystery right now, but I felt a little lost without knowing where Alevia was. I wondered if she was in a world that you created yourself or in an alternate universe of our world.
Okay, I know this is getting long. I'm assuming you're a writer who wants to improve your craft, so I didn't want to just leave a short review without anything that could possibly help you. All of the things that I have suggested are just that: suggestions. You don't have to listen to me or even agree. If I'm wrong, and you're just doing this for fun, then just know that I enjoyed it, and I can't wait for you to update! :)
| YAFanatic chapter 1 . 11/9/2013
Who is this Aubrey Pratt...This story just grabbed me!
When does this book come out? I've been waiting for a story like this for a while. I need more promise of stars.