|Reviews for Darkened Skies|
| Veronica Fay chapter 1 . 6/26/2014
I like the start of this! It introduces the type of works your creating and we get a feel for the characters! A couple missing commas but not a biggie! Good job!
| MethodlessMadness chapter 1 . 6/1/2014
Whew. That was...interesting, to say the least.
Those are some pretty long blessings, if you ask me. Sound kind of like they're from a strict religious district where you're jailed if you don't say the right things. Which, to me, contrasts somewhat with our characters and their situation...
Let me explain. In most religious cultures such as the one to which you have hinted, premarital sex is frowned upon. So unless this is a looser religion in which basic morals and marriage are, shall we say, different than the norm, the reception of Theodora's pregnancy sounds a bit off. Just want to point that out.
Your characters themselves seem rather aloof and distant of one another...maybe try working on the dialogue? Try explaining their thoughts and emotions, maybe that'll help. In addition, their relationships to one another and interactions are rather confusing — from what little description you've given and the way they speak, I can't even figure out what the basic setting is. I understand that they are among throngs of people (not thongs, surely — I read the first phrase and had a very strange image of Katina wading through a bathing suit store and didn't really like it) but why? What's happening? Why hasn't Katina seen her sister for so long? There's so much we don't know about these characters still.
Few spelling errors, but nothing really too glaring. Most of the grammatical things are wrong verb usage and sentence structure — what caught my attention first was again the first sentence. What's winding, Katina's way or Katina herself? Sounds a bit strange to make that big long sentence when we're not even sure what the first part is.
Well, I've got to go. I guess that's really all I can say now, other than keep writing...just keep practicing, you'll get better as you go. Good luck!
From Reviews to Go Round Forum
| Lolitroy chapter 2 . 5/22/2014
A couple pet peeves:
Many paragraphs begin with "the" or a character's name. ayeb you could give a little more variety, change the sentence structure. Also, typos. Annoying, I know, but typos can be a real distraction when you're inmersed into a story.
Also, isn't Katina like five? Why's she cursing so young oh gawd O.O
Anyway, still liking the premise. So far, it's interesting. The vagueness of not explaining the whole thing at a time also helps a lot, it creates questions in the reader. Overall, good job! My only "big" problem is the prose, but meh, that comes with time. Just keep improving every day ;)
By the way, the stories I'd want you to read in return (since we're still in the Roadhouse thingy) are posted on the Reviews thread.
| Lolitroy chapter 1 . 5/22/2014
Hello from Roadhouse!
Catchy opening, straight to the point. I love these kinds of starts.
You have several typos, so try revising. Also, I think you shhould get a bit more of the comma factor in your prose. The whole thing seems a bit rushed in my opinion. Also, it made the read a bit confusing. The writing itself is a bit too rushed, so there was little time to get a good grasp of everything. i had to read it several times. On the other hand, I have the attentin span of a goldfish, so don't worry too much.
On the good side, I like the premise, judging from the summary. I also like the way emotions are portrayed not by showing their expressions but by their words and actions. That's a very hard thing to do, so congrats ;)
| MyHeart's4Above chapter 1 . 5/19/2014
Very well written. The beginning sentence was a clincher, good job with that. I wonder about the backstory of the three, but I bet you will go into that later. Nice small chapter, but a good start to the rest of the story. Is Katina head of the family?
| ManonVarendaz chapter 6 . 2/8/2014
I don't think you need to do everything, maybe their first flight and the trouble with her new duties since that is a lot of characterdevelopment. However, I really hopr you will continue this story. Thank you for sharing it.
| Amelia chapter 4 . 1/24/2014
Hello! I really like this story so far! I think it has great potential and can't wait to see how it ends. Hope to see it update soon!
| Wendy Thompson135th chapter 1 . 1/9/2014
Lots of minor goofs that should have been caught before posting. Is English your birth tongue?
The POV is erratic, shifting between third and first person. Who is the 'me' here: '... stayed beside me...'?