Thought I'd review a couple chapters since you're so far ahead of me and I always feel bad because I'm lagging behind. xD

I can't remember if I've mentioned this before, but you do a really great job getting into a character's head when you're narrating from third-person. You have just the right amount of self-reflection, internal reflection, and action to where it serves as a nice balance to give you a really well-rounded narration. I particularly enjoyed how you had Alice chanting the "mocha light, mocha light" while driving. That was a nice little close in the narrative distance that said a lot about her present state of mind: that she was trying to forget something by focusing on something else. So while you don't come out and plainly state she was upset, I could tell from the way she's acting. So it's very show and not tell. I also think you transition from one chapter to the next really well, in that I was wondering what the hell Alice was doing driving by his house to the point where i was getting suspicious of her possibly stalking him, but it turns out that initial guess wasn't right at all - it just happened to be coincidence, and it makes sense that it would happen since they live so close to each other.

So after chapter 13, I no longer think Alice is possibly creepy or stalker-y. I also, I don't know, I really like her obsession with older men for some reason. Don't ask me why, lol. I guess because it's so different and I just don't expect it.

Now, as for Uncle Gerry...Alice comes out and says she doesn't get any "physical" love from Gerry, but they're still really close there at the end. I can be totally biased because I never had a close relationship with my uncle (or with my father, for that matter) but I can't help wonder if there hasn't been something...going on between them, or if Uncle Gerry is going to try and start something soon. I don't get "incest" vibes from them necessarily, but I did have a couple alarms go off and I started to fear for Alice. But I feel like once i see more of their interactions with each other I'll be able to understand and relate to them better. Out of curiosity, what type of reaction were you hoping to get from a reader? Do you want them to be suspicious of Gerry and think there might be something sexual going on between them, or were you hoping for their relationship to come across as purely platonic? Due to Luke's character, I think that idea of incest will be constantly hanging over a reader's head, so I'm just curious how YOU want us to read Gerry/Alice's relationship.

These comments are for chapter 14:

So, when you say the "family business," do you mean their part in the mob? (Or some type of similar organization?) I feel like the pig farm is just a cover up for something else - or that it *was* a cover-up for something else. Whether or not they're still involved in what they used to do, I don't know. Mr. Bardici says they aren't, but in a mystery novel I feel like you can't trust anyone, haha. The idea of a pig farm is pretty ominous, though. I'm guessing they slaughter the pigs, so anything messy like that could be to cover up for something else that's just as messy, and a lot more illegal. What exactly, though, I'm not sure. Mr. Bardici seemed a bit on edge at the end there, hmm. And a bit snippy.

Does it seem realistic? Sure. All sorts of shady people were allowed to sort of "disappear" rather than be punished, like mobsters, mafia, nazis...so I don't think it's unbelievable that the Bardici's, after all they might of done, aren't rotting in jail. I think it just begs to question how much money it took them to bribe their way out of going to prison. Plus it makes sense they'd hide in a small town like Edgeport. I can't think of a better place to get off the grid as much as possible without having to forsake society altogether.

Their dynamic interests me in that they're much different than all the other families in Edgeport. They also have a really shady past, and I'm looking forward to seeing if that gets more uncovered or if they become more involved in what's going on. I also really like Zef and his condition - my father is in pretty much the same boat though his condition is much worse, and I think you portray the Alzheimer's really accurately.

One last comment: Nick Tate is such a cool dude. I really like him. So suave. So caring. :3 I'm going to be moving to a small town in VA pretty soon, and I hope the sheriff there is going to be just as cool and charming. *Swoon* haha

I might re-review this anon, when I'm done being useless because I'm not honestly sure if I have anything intelligent to tell you right now. So now, this chapter was both deliciously dark and very fun in a macabre sort of way: I guess I just love the idea of everyone airing their dirty laundry.

I didn't have any particular favourite, really? All of those stories were pretty dark, and I like - in a way - how they're all interconnected - all of them deal with the cast feeling like failures, or not being appreciated enough by their parents. And they’re all pretty messed up, in a way. I could list how *messed* up they all are, but I shan't. In a way, I think Portia might just be the most normal of them? And even she's got Daddy issues, and a lot of anger boiling inside of her. I think you might refer to her issues earlier in the chapters, just to make it connect better with the reveal in this chapter, but I like the backstory itself :3

I'm not sure how to fix the emotion rollercoaster, really. I didn't mind it, honestly? I've seen this done before on Avatar, with a certain beach episode, so I don't mind at all. It's quite likely that some readers might, but I didn't, because I know this a trope commonly used on TV, and I don't see anything wrong with it. In fact, I liked how it brought the cast closer together, and it was fun to read about, as I previously said :)

I'd read the sequel if you started posting!

It took me a while to read this - sorry. I've just been overwhelmed by stuff this whole month.

Random, silly stuff first: I guess I’ll always feel weirded out by people addressing marriage and kids in fiction, especially when they're pretty much in my age group (or just a bit older). It's just that I'm so used to the people in my circle of friends being college grads or just recently starting to get employed, that it strikes me as odd to see people being ready for the whole 'adult thang'. Haha, this isn't a criticism; it's just a sentiment I can't really relate with, and a part of me felt like they were a *bit too young* for all of this, but that really stems from my own background, and - in reality - I think it's perfectly natural for people that age to want to settle down. And, for what it's worth, I thought the whole thing was cute, though it did get a bit too fluffy for my tastes XD (but not in a sickening way).

What I really enjoyed was reading about Nick and the kids hanging out, just because you write it in such a natural and unbridled way. I really get the notion that they're close to each other, and that Nick and Portia are great people to be around with; it just reminded me a bit of people sitting around a campfire and exchanging ghost stories :3

Alice's reveal wasn't expected, but I like how you handled it. More than anything, I look forward to how Nick will deal with this information. It scares me a bit that he's *frightened*.

Haha, crazy little chapter here. I loved the sort of carefree nature of it, despite the fact that Nick is clearly anything but. Love seeing more of Jillian – she’s a fun girl, plus I’m always envious of people with the guts (or decisiveness) to get a tattoo. Man, I’ve wanted one since forever, but can’t for the life of me decide on what to get. Ooh, one little bit of CC is that I wasn’t really sure when Portia was getting the tattoo, because there isn’t too much description of how it feels? So maybe a little more wincing? Haha, I have to admit, while I love Jillian, I would not want to be around her whilst drunk if she’s known to, um, tattoo girls names on the backs of her friends. Actually, that was pretty insensitive of her, mucking around with Nick, given what just happened to Saud. So I’d totally yell :p.

‘Every part of you that isn’t your dick. We stopped after second base last night’ – goooood (cos I’m a raging perv, who’d hate to miss out on reading that :p). Part of me I think would have preferred to see the last night’s events directly, rather than Portia figuring them out (because drunk characters can be hilarious) but I can see you’d’ve missed out on the element of surprise with the tattoos thing there, so I understand why you did it :).

These guys are cute! And nope, I didn’t mind the tangent :D. Nicky needs to find a way to deal with all these emotions, and Portia just wants to help him, the lovely :)

Okay, this is as far as I got on my epic trip of reading glory, but I'll catch some more soon :)

Aww, lil Edgington family picture :D. I like seeing them all together, see how they bounce off of eachother. And it’s interesting too, knowing that Uncle Gerry is secretly such a creep (eek, that last line!). I wonder if Alice’s parents have any inkling of what’s going on there – I mean, obviously, you’d assume not, but you never know!

Mmm, you gotta love a good cocktail, right?

Obviously interested to hear more about Nick’s past and that his brother died, bless him.

And I’m dead curious about what went down with Saud – was it a completely random act? A serial killer? Or wrong place/wrong time? I’m sure I’m missing so so many clues and looking like a right dumbarse. Must come and read this over again once I’ve read the end – see what little easter eggs you’ve scattered about :D

Bahaha, so obviously (nearly) naked Nick was a highlight, and I hearted him when he told Maggie to fuck off. MOODY NICK. But who can blame the pet? And who can blame him for being all pukey and stinky, the poor guy’s been through such an awful experience! I really liked all of the grossness about the s’mores and the puke, it was so vivid, and weirdly emotive!

I think in this chapter you get a sense of Nick sort of reverting to how he was we he was younger? Like the end scene seems to be mainly a rebellion against rules and expectations, in a way. Makes me really want to find out more about what Nick was like when he was young, how Saud had once known him.

Oh haha, I just saw your A/N. So breaking away from youth nick :D. And I think Lindsay seemed fine. Honestly, I’m surprised he even came into work, but obviously he just wants to solve the case for Saud. *hugs Nick*

So shiiiiit, girl! Chopped up in the pig slurry. What a charming image! Eeek, when Nick found the head, that must have been so awful for the poor guy!

I like how the beginning of this chapter seems so innocent(ish) – Lukey semi-fantasising about an Era/Becca threesome, and worrying that they might think he’s gay… Lukey crushing on Alice and hoping she comes to the party… And lots of friendzone-based worry. Very sympathetic, because I think just about everyone has been in a situation like that, or similar.

And then daaaamn. It was fun to see the way that Nick reacted. I thought he actually dealt with it really well – I’d’ve lost my shit. And oop I’ve read the next couple of chapters too, so I’ll go into that a little more in a bit.

I actually have enjoyed all the set-up so far, because I love your setting, and all these little dramas you’ve got going on. I’m such a character-over-plot person so it’s all gravy with me :). Perhaps big mystery/crime readers might think differently though. Also, maybe more Saud would be good (I liked him when we’ve seen him, but we haven’t seen enough of him, I think, so be upset that he’s dead – more we’re upset that Nick’s upset).

Hokay, next!

So I just read a few of these on the way home from work, and mannnn shit just went down! Lemme try to get my thoughts in some sort of order – and sorry if these are a little shorter than usual, I usually review as I go, but now I’m going on memory alone (eep!).

First, I’ll say that the crush on Lukey is very very cute. Because Luke is very very cute and he could do with some more girls crushing on him cos the boy deserves some happy (now he’s got his own little Era/Becca/Alice harem going on, well the more the merrier)! Also, I like how her fondness for him might sort of be interlinked with the incest that has happened in Luke’s family.

And omg GERRY. The whole time I was like wait. Waiiit. WAIT. And his preoccupation with the boys crushing on her. MOST EEK. I like the description of him at the end – his ‘form poured over her, his hands shaking in excitement’, especially given how passive she is in the situation. It’s a nice contrast with how she seems to enjoy this – ‘everything felt right’. Like you wonder if that’s what she *actually* thinks, or if she’s been somehow conditioned to think like that.

ANYHOO. Next one!

Hey there! Time to sink my teeth into some more Nick Tate, yum. :3

I don't know what it is about men all beat up and dirty, but I always find it oddly sexy, lol. Like, I know in person if Tate came walking up to me all beat to shit and dirty I'd be like "Gross, go take a bath you smell like shit." But seeing it is an entirely different experience, you know? Or imagining it in this case, I guess. But yeah, you get what I mean. I can see why Portia doesn't shove him out her door when he's all sweaty and beat-up - that can be sexy as hell. Also, I don't know if I mentioned this lately, but I really love your dialogue. It's always really fun and playful, and the characters are also witty. Like when Tate told Portia she could help him out by *not* getting arrested. That made me chuckle, lol. Your conversations are always clever and come across really organically, and I just genuinely appreciate how your characters know when to tease each other and when to take things more seriously. They always seem to click really well if they're of a similar personality.

I'll go ahead and answer your questions in your author's note and then cover anything else I wanted to talk about:

[What did you think of this chapter? ... does it work for a mystery?]

Honestly I'm not too familiar with general mystery so my opinion may be biased. I think the most mystery I've read was some of the Harry Potter books, but that was probably just as much plot twist as mystery. Anyways, I really liked this chapter regardless if it was "slow." I'm trying to think of something to compare it to, hmm...oh! Girl with the Dragon Tattoo. I never read the book but I saw the movie, and I'd say this chapter reminds me of a scene from that movie where the two MCs (I can't remember their names) are just getting to know each other better. Although there isn't exactly any "action" I'm still interested in learning more about Portia and Tate, plus I want to see where this relationship between them goes. I think this date is a great excuse to deliver some information through character interaction opposed to exposition or summary, which makes it more entertaining. So overall, I like this chapter, regardless if it's slow. Your pacing is always quick enough to where even your transition chapters, or "breather" chapters, don't feel slow.

I think you also build enough suspense near the end where it feels like this chapter was not only for character/relationship development but also plot development. I find it really shady how Alice was watching them - unless it turns out to be a coincidence. But i don't know. I know how she has a thing for Tate, so I'm a little suspect as to what the hell she was doing there at night, haha. Which also makes me wonder if she's going to do something to Portia. Alice doesn't come across as a psycho, buuuuut...people can do some crazy shit when they think the person they "love" is being wooed by someone else, you know? So Alice's presence is definitely an event that I'm going to have stored in the back of my mind to see if anything comes from it.

I also find it really cool how real Portia feels. Like, how she's all "I'll totally do him if he really, really wants it." xD Usually you always see the opposite, the woman trying to fend off the man, and I appreciate how it's not like that during their date. I think it gives Portia's character a sense of empowerment in that she's comfortable enough with her sexuality that she doesn't freak the fuck out when her "purity" is at stake. (I put purity in quotes because I think it's silly how female virginity is treated in society like its some type of sacred commodity.) But yeah, as for characters, I'm really warming up to Portia.

At first I thought she would be more rigid because she's a teacher figure and because she doesn't seem too outgoing at first, but I realize now I've only had a glimpse of her and she's really a cool person when she isn't surrounded by students. Which is understandable, because you need to maintain a certain persona when teaching. And I always hate it how when I see a teacher or a professor I immediately impose this type of "vision" on them of how they're supposed to act, all academic and formal and shit. Portia's character (and Ariadne from the Crowe series) both challenge that image, I think, and it makes them feel very real for doing so.

I really enjoy the details you give when they kiss, like how Tate's lips are so soft when Portia expected them to be rough. Comparing the kissing here to the Crowe series, I definitely see an improvement. That's not to say your previous scenes weren't as good, but I think with this story you focus on unique things and sensations when your characters are kissing that it just really pulls me into it. Like the scent of his cologne, too. Or how he put his forehead against hers afterward. Just some really cute, romantic images.

Let me know if you have any other questions! :)

Hehe, I love your opening – so out-of-the-blue and interesting – lovely hook :)

And yay, more Bardici action!

‘it occasionally made him envry the female population for being able to like any emoticon or cutesy thing without shame’ – aww, to be honest, I would be cutesied to the nines if I boy used the :3 emoticon, but yeah, the poor boy has it tough. I mean, until you remember things like childbirth :P

‘her received an awkward sideways hug that made his heart pound’ – typo with ‘her’?

Wee, though, Bardicis! It’s sad to see the impact of Alzheimers on Zef – that must be really rough :(. But he seems like a sweet man. I like all the mystery about their old profession, and the pig farm. It’s nice that they’re sort of quite a normal family, who obviously seem to care for each other, and for lil Lukey.

And hi Nicky! I love how you have all these really likable characters who are all really distinct from each other. I’m having trouble picking my favourite (I think Alice…but then Lukey! But then Nick! And he’s so cute with Portia!). Oh squee. I think the style you’re using (with the different POVs) works so nicely with your mysterious plot. All these little stories are happening at the same time, and I’m so looking forward to seeing which parts tie together. And geee, I have absolutely no idea which way this is going to go, which is most exciting :D

I really enjoyed this chapter. But then again, Nick is my favourite character so far so I'd probably like anything with him in it :)
Even though this wasn't a lengthy chapter, and regardless of the fact that it only revolved around one event, I found myself thoroughly enjoying it. I liked how the Edgington's communicated and the dynamic you created definitely played on the fact of their closeness and family status.

I'll admit, I did get confused at first with all of the names being thrown around. But once you settled on just the Edgington's and Nick, I was able to categorize who was who.

I loved the line where Nick says he would have liked to pull out his Glock and shoot Gerard in the through. The small bit of humour definitely lightened the mood and set up what appears will be a very annoyed Nick in the future.

Hi hi :)

Shorter chapter this time. I liked Alice’s reaction to Nick kissing Portia – as ever, she seems very mature and level-headed, rationalising the situation the way that she does.

I’m not sure what I think about Gerry just yet – and I think I’m going to have to go and reread some of the earlier chapters out of curiosity to get a better feel on him :). I liked the conversation with Alice – they seem to click quite well, and it’s good that she has someone to talk to about old films and stuff. I don’t know if I’m being paranoid, but he maybe seems to have some creepy secret edge going on (maybe that’s just because I watched Stoker recently though! OH CREEPY UNCLES). Like I found it a little odd that he was so interested in Portia and whether Alice could tell she was from the city based on her mannerisms – bit of an odd question to ask (as shown by the fact that Alice at first doesn’t understand what he means).

The pacing as ever was fine in this, but I think maybe this chapter could be lengthened and fleshed out a little, as there isn’t too much progression with plot. I don’t think that necessarily matters so much (given that the chapter is short and breezy), but it might help structure things better when the story’s looked at as a whole? I hope I make sense!

Although, of course, this chapter aches with mystery, so maybe uber important things have been said, and I there’ll be over my head until I get to the end of this and reread the whole thing (which I love doing with mystery stories / shows) :D

I kind of saw it coming, but it seems a little too obvious, especially with the way Alice found out. So I’m thinking it was intentionally obvious so as to through the reader off or that was the intent, but he really is the killer. Making the readers second guess is good. I liked this little twist. Thinking UG is the killer is one thing though, not really knowing is another. Curious to find out who the killer really is, more so than I was when Luke first saw the killer…good chapter!

God, The Birds! That movie is creepy as hell. I’m surprised with Alice’s outlook on her childhood. Given what’s happened to her I would’ve foreseen emotional trauma of some sort, but I suppose, in reference to my last comment, that everyone handles situations differently. Sounds like she had a decent childhood in her mind, though Jimmy Neutron is questionable. Alice seems like a very grounded mature person. I know some pretty mature teenagers, but it’s rare to have one recognize that what they needed was staring right in front of them. I think Alice said ‘why go after the fantasy...” or whatever. Poor Luke, about to get some action and Nick cock blocks him! I think given Alice’s experience and her opinion of sex (at least from what I’ve concluded) that the relationship isn’t moving too fast. Great chapter!

I think it was creative for Nick to use his mothers’ expertise for the evidence especially given his feelings towards his parents, which you showcased well. I think Nick is a little jaded towards them. I understand why they responded the way they did when Nick was almost dying as a little boy. I think as an adult he should be able to understand it too. I had some pretty traumatizing experiences as a child as well, and now as an adult I’m able to look at them from a different perspective. Maybe Nick hasn’t been able to reach that level yet. It feels like he’s still viewing the situation from the perspective of a hurt child. Hopefully, he’ll see reason. Anyhow, great chapter!