Reviews for Trapped in a Fairy Tale World (cancelled)
Vamp712 chapter 20 . 8/16/2014
Faster paced chapter, you cover more scenes. A good amount of description to keep the flow but move it along. I like he added mystery of Jack, very fun and attention grabbing for the reader. Very nice description of the witch, readers are able to visualize it. Epic battle scene at the end and OMG about Jack, I never saw anything like that coming!
Vamp712 chapter 19 . 8/10/2014
It's a good flowing chapter but some of the fight scenes are a touch confusing
Vamp712 chapter 18 . 8/10/2014
He better hope that his stick method works or else that will be a long walk back. Well written chapter though, you've added your own touch to wizard of oz but kept some of the original for visual understanding of the reader
Vamp712 chapter 17 . 8/10/2014
You start off this chapter with very good description of the girl. And bringing the queen and charming back into the chapter flowed nicely. It seems Akira is making as many friend as enemies
Vamp712 chapter 16 . 8/10/2014
At the end of the chapter with Jack and Snow, you say cupping. I think you had an autocorrect there. Good chapter though, I think it would have been interesting for the princess to come with them
Vamp712 chapter 15 . 8/10/2014
Akira really must have some good looks lol, he attracts a lot of ladies, which is completely opposite of his old life. Even though it was a mistake of his, good job for lifting the curse too. He is such a hero!
Dark-Fire chapter 19 . 8/4/2014
Hello, K-sempai! This was an awesome chapter. Team Akira finally meet the Scarecrow and the Tin-Man in the Land of Oz! Meanwhile, the Wicked Witch of the West is brewing a plan in her cauldron to gain her sister's old shoes! What will happen next?

I don't have any ideas for now, but I will be able to provide something in my next review. Your spelling, grammar, etc. has improved greatly throughout the chapters, and you have expanded marvelously with the plot. So, 100% for everything! Good job!

Now, good luck with the next chapter. Farewell!


Dark-Fire chapter 18 . 7/26/2014
Awesome new chapter! I am interested by the character design of Dorothy Gale. Anyway, her accent isn't uncommon in Kansas; I know at least 50 people that live there that have that sort of accent. And Akira doesn't sound like a Gary-Stu for me; he isn't overpowered, and he is someone readers like me can understand him. He is very realistic to me.

Anyway, I thoroughly enjoyed this chapter. Please continue soon!

With Good Luck,

UPDATE chapter 17 . 7/24/2014
360pages chapter 2 . 7/16/2014
Your descriptions are great, though sometimes they can be a little dense, though it works for describing something like pain, I wouldn't mind a more spread apart description of an area rather than a huge block.

Sneaking context clues to where they are is better for me then giving the description all at once and never bringing it up again through the section. Or just sometimes separating them a little for more readability.
Dark-Fire chapter 17 . 7/13/2014
What an awesome new chapter! Tabitha, the Witch, is the one who had trapped the Borealis Kingdom in many years of sleep, but against her will. Prince Charming (Not) and Queen Grimhilde offer a contract with the group of 5 Assassins called "Dirty Deeds" to kill Akira, our awesome protagonist, and Red, along with capturing Princess Snow White in the process, with the chance of getting 2000 gilds. What will happen next? Will they succeed?

So, Akira's gauntlet is known as the Seigi Gauntlet/Justice Gauntlet, huh? Very befitting of a hero like Akira.

Now for ideas...


I - Akira is almost squashed by a house randomly falling from the sky.

Example Excerpt:

"Akira! Get out of the way!" Red shouted. I looked up at where she was looking, and I saw a house, to my horror, falling down towards me.

II - After Akira's Group meets up with Dorothy, a gigantic bubble floats down towards them, as the inhabitants of the village chant "The Lady of the Bubble is here!"

Example Excerpt:

"Just follow the yellow-brick road, and you will find the one thing you seek most!" The Lady of the Bubble said, giggling as she got into her bubble again and flew off in it.

III - Akira's Group meets up with an emotional scarecrow, a rusty tin-man, a talking tree, and a hybrid of a lion, bear, tiger and human.

Example Excerpt:

"I'll go with you!" the scarecrow said, leaving me looking dumbfounded at how a scarecrow can talk.


Well, that's it for now... Oh wait! Are you going to add theme songs for battles in your story? I'd just like to know... Anyway, goodbye K-sempai!
Mokii chapter 16 . 7/7/2014
For some reason, I didn't like Aurora. I don't know, I guess clingy people aren't really my cup of tea xD. Though, I'm glad she understood that Akira can't marry her. Phew

Wait, Charming's still there?! Thought he was dead or something...I wonder what him and the Queen have in store for Akira . And I immediately recognized the yellow brick road! Knew it was Wizard of Oz
Dark-Fire chapter 16 . 7/7/2014
Hello, K-sempai! Sorry that I didn't review last chapter, but I was hooked up on Death Note again. Anyway, cool chapter! WARNING TO QUEASY FEMALES: Fanservice! I especially loved the "Carnal Desires" scene with Akira and Aurora. *nosebleeds ferociously*

Anyway, I enjoyed this chapter thoroughly. Though, I was actually hoping for the Wicked Witch to show up, but oh well. I was also expecting for Aurora to go with Team Akira, but alas, that would be repetitive. Now, we are finished with the Sleeping Beauty Arc and going onto... *drumrolls*

DUN-DUN-DUN! The Oz Arc!

If my knowledge is correct, Wizard of Oz was (one of) the first movies to have color. This will indeed be interesting...

The Oz Arc Reviewer Summary: Team Akira travels on a yellow brick road to the magical Kingdom of Oz. They must reach the Wizard of Oz to send Dorothy back to her own world, all the while going with a rusty tin-man, a talking tree, an emotional scarecrow and a part-bear, part-tiger, part-humanoid beast. They must also keep the Wicked Witch of the West from stealing the red, shiny boots that Dorothy just happens to wear.



I - After the end of volume one, Team Akira travels to the Kingdom of Wonderland, ruled by the terrifying Red Queen with a morbid fascination of beheading people. They meet a girl named Alice who is dead-set on following a humanoid White Rabbit and getting back to her world. They meet Mad-Hatter and the Table of Tea-Loving Knights; the infamous Cheshire Cat, a talking cat that can disappear at will with a creepy grin; the Idiotic Twins and more.

Example Excerpt:

"Hello! My name is Alice," the girl in the dress said. "Welcome to 'Wonderland.'"

II - Akira, Alice and Jack are requested by the Red Queen to participate in the Red Tournament as a Team. If they win, they will be set free. I'd they lose, they will get beheaded by her Red Legionnaires.

Example Excerpt:

"Off with their heads, you fools!" The Red Queen shouted, pointing at me, Snow, Jack, Red and Alice.

III - Oz Arc: The Wicked Witch of the West sends her Army of Terrifying Flying Monkies to capture Dorothy and bring her to the Witch's Lair.

Example Excerpt:

"They are freaking flying monkeys!" I shouted loudly over the loud war-screeches the flying monkeys were emitting from above us. I saw they were making their way suspiciously towards Dorothy.

IV - Team Akira find Golden Tails being captured by Queen Grimhilde, who was disguised as an old lady.

Example Excerpt:

"Help me!" Golden Tails screamed. I then averted my gaze to this suspicious looking older woman, my Morphing Gauntlet appearing.

V - After the "Wonderland" Arc, Team Akira comes upon a kingdom where they meet a young girl named Cinderella.

Example Excerpt:

"I-I'm not a-aloud to t-talk w-with strangers," Cinderella stuttered timidly, right before going back to sweeping the backyard of the stone-and-brick manor. I was surprised - was she a slave or something?


There were no mistakes in any of the important fields in the last two chapters as far as I can see, so job well done; 100% in everything. Well, I thoroughly enjoyed this chapter. Good luck with the next few!
SharpRevan chapter 15 . 6/24/2014
Another one to Akira's harem! And Sleeping Beauty as well! Whose next?
Mokii chapter 15 . 6/24/2014
Akira's got a lot of ladies he now has to deal with...and Jack xD

I wonder what's going to happen in this mini-arc other than Red and Snow White killing Akira. It's probably going to be revealed in the next chapter, right? Also, I want to see Crimson Lily again! I hope she makes an appearance in future

Is it just me or is this chapter shorter than the other ones? o.o

Update soon
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