Reviews for Trapped in a Fairy Tale World (cancelled)
Phantasy's Apprentice chapter 9 . 5/19/2014
Well, I had a feeling that the Queen was involved with what Snow White told us of how much of a b(bleep)h she was. Well, seeing Charming alive and King Raisan has shown himself, I can tell that this is going to be good. I'll admit I was amused when King Raisan said, "For the record, I don't like Human women! They never last long!". Well, Let's see the next chapter has to tell us. Ciao.
Mokii chapter 10 . 5/18/2014
If you get it published, I hope to see it on the shelves soon! :) But that's awesome though how you're publishing.

This chapter was really anime-ish compared to the other chapters, which I like! Oh, those two jealous women And that doctor, she's so strict! I wonder if that's the last of her we'll see or not...

So it seems like whatever Akira wishes for, his arm kind of transforms into that. That's a cool power given to him.

Update soon!
Vamp712 chapter 10 . 5/16/2014
Great chapter, very nice grammar and spelling. I like your cliffhanger-like ending to it. Keeps the reader interested and suspenseful for the next chapter. Its a good chapter, you have done an entire day with flow in small time skips. Its not choppy. The food war is a fun scene to read, how they both want his approval. It seems that he might be leaning towards and conisdering bringing Snow with them on the quest. I hope this does become a published, that would be amazing:) I know lots of people who would love to read it!
Mokii chapter 9 . 5/9/2014
Finally I caught up! Had a feeling the Queen was involved in all of this _
Also, is Red...jealous of how close Snow White is with Akira? But I do ship Akira and Red the most, I think they're cute together The Demon King made me laugh in this chapter, his anger is making me laugh.

Really loving this story so far! One mistake that I caught was at the end. I think you meant for Snow White to say that she hopes that Akira ISN'T coming down with something. When I read it, I first thought she wanted him to get sick xD

Update soon
Vamp712 chapter 9 . 5/7/2014
When describing the demon king, you say hear instead of head. Other than that, I think you are good. This chapter has a lot of information and seems a turning point in the story, but you handle it very well, the story flows along. No gaps or parts that are choppy. I can't wait to read more:)
Vamp712 chapter 8 . 5/7/2014
No grammar issues in this chapter, awesome descriptions of the fight was very intense and able to be visualized. The Prince Charming character was very interesting in this chapter, how he always referred to them as peasant or plebeian, shows his rudeness and how he thinks of himself as better than everyone else.
It is interesting that it will take five weeks, this makes you wonder if he will stay in bed that long. It seems like a sort of 'test' to see how bad he wants to go home.
Vamp712 chapter 7 . 5/6/2014
Only grammar error I have found is when you say die in the paragraph of Red's explaination, I think you mean died.
Very interesting chapter, I laughed very hard when Akira realized he was only in his undergarments.
I wonder what it was at Charming got out of the deal if he had suceeded. That part seemed attention grabbing to myself.
Your description at the end of the chapter is fantastic. I can perfectly visualize it as I am reading. Bravo!
I also like your variety of ideas for coming chapters, you never have a dull moment in your story, its suspensful, adventurous, romantic, there is so many words to describe your writing style, the best word to sum it it up is: awesome.
Vamp712 chapter 6 . 5/5/2014
I like the twist at the end of the chapter. Makes it very attention grabbing and suspensful for the next chapter. Your spelling and grammar has improved greatly. Personally, I like how this story uses well known characters but in your own way with new personalities and values.
Dark-Fire chapter 9 . 5/4/2014
You have finally updated! Wow! This is awesome! We now find out that Queen Grimhilde is, in fact, allied with the Demon King Raishin, and that the arrogant, narcissistic Prince Charming survived his fall! (Damn it!) We get to have a glimpse of the Demon King Raishin in his True Form! I laughed when Queen Grimhilde said: "Mirror, Mirror, on the wall, give me a personal call." I was rolling on the floor laughing at the Mirror's response. Also, I laughed even harder when you were talking about the mucus from Akira's nose for 3-4 paragraphs. Someone has a Mucus Fetish... (Just Kidding. Though, I wouldn't discriminate against you if you do.)

Well, I have to reset my Skype account because something called the Weather decided to strike. Now, somehow, my account has been completely deleted. I will tell you the account stuff as soon as I get it fixed.


Ideas/Suggestions -

1 Akira discovers a new power out of nowhere in the middle of his stay at the kingdom - the ability to turn his gauntlet into a long, double-edged sword.

My gauntlet was glowing very fiercely, the area around me shaking as dust and rubble was floating off of the ground. I screamed loudly, as out of nowhere, a large, double-edged sword replaced the gauntlet that I had gotten fairly used to summoning. I stared at the sword, feeling a new burst of power entering his body.

2 Akira discovers three houses made out of straw, wood and metal respectively of the age of the three anthropomorphic pigs live in each one, from youngest to oldest. He hears tales of strange lycans surrounding the area of the houses from the inhabitants of the village.

"So... This is pretty weird. Three were-pigs living in three little houses made out of different materials, surrounded by strange-looking lycans who seem to be pretty hungry? This isn't suspicious at all. Those lycans obviously want to eat the were-pigs," I stated, looking around at Red and Snow, "and I'm also pretty sure that were-pigs sounds like an impossibility, but compared to stuff I've seen? I wouldn't be surprised to find out I have to fight an ogre with man-PMS issues."

3 Akira, while passing a mirror somewhere in the Wild West England you were talking about in your preview section a few chapters ago, he sees a reflection of an old woman with fairy wings and promptly faints.

"Akira, what's wrong?!" Red and Snow were sounding increasingly worried about me every second. I don't know how I could hear them while having fainted, but it's probably got to do with some sort of magical stuff. At this point, that wouldn't be hard to believe.

Spelling/Grammar/Etc... -

Everything seems to perfect here. If I find any mistakes, I will send a review to you immediately after reading the chapter through 5 times.

End of Review Rant -

This chapter was pretty awesome. I'm hoping for more chapters as soon as you possibly can!

Farewell, now.
Vamp712 chapter 5 . 5/2/2014
Very interesting turn of events in this chapter, Akira seems to be adjusting to and liking his new life. No misspellings that I can spot. Grammar is good. It is quite surprising, not only the age of Prince Charming but that Snow White seemed depressed. I can't wait to read the next chapter and learn how she feelings about the marriage. I like your scene with the tailor, very funny. This chapter also makes you wonder about what the advisors problem is.
Phantasy's Apprentice chapter 8 . 5/2/2014
And Charming meets his end. Well, I have a good feeling that we're gonna hit another Fairy Tale right after this. Nice to see there are Elves here. Anyways, good chapter!

BTW, Devil maker has new cards!
devilmaker. wikia wiki / Category : Rank_7 (remove spaces) hope you turn to this site for inspiration of designs. I especially hope to see Izanagi, Lucifer, and Hercules in this story!
Vamp712 chapter 4 . 5/1/2014
This is a very busy chapter, covering multiple scenes and time period. You manage it very well, there aren't any gaps that don't make sense or don't flow. It is interesting to see how Red reacts to Akira being around the other girls. There are a few spots where red's name isn't capitalized. But other than that, nothing can find. This chapter does make you wonder how Red will respond to Snow White.

One thing I find very interesting is that after the fights with both the werewolf and the werebears, they are so apologetic. Thats a new spin on the story. Cool:)
Vamp712 chapter 3 . 4/30/2014
I think you meant train of thought, you say train of though, towards the beginning. Other than that, I think you are good on spelling and grammar. Very interesting chapter with the mood changes from Heinrich. The granny character is a good character too, my only suggestion is maybe add a touch more to her description. But thats my personal opinion, you don't have too cause it flows how it is. I am thinking more about visualizing the scene.
Vamp712 chapter 2 . 4/30/2014
The description in the chapter is very good. I like the new character Red. You keep it very interesting with the tattoo symbol changing. The only thing I have seen in this chapter that didn't flow to me, was that Red claims she got lost in the woods but when he agrees to help her, she only takes twenty minutes to get back.
Vamp712 chapter 1 . 4/29/2014
This is a very good start to the story. It does make you wonder what is going on in the new world and what the tattoo is and such. It also makes you wonder as a reader the what ifs. Like what if he had chosen to return to his world as a new person?

Very good grammar and description, nice wording of the cliffhanger type finish.
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