Reviews for Trapped in a Fairy Tale World (cancelled)
Dark-Fire chapter 4 . 2/5/2014
Thank you for using my ideas for this chapter. Oh, and it is an honor to be recognized by an author such as you, K-Man. I truly hope that you will come far in writing this story. Now, since there have been a few incorrections in this chapter, I shall be glad to help you out with it. (Stop lying, spell-check! I know incorrections is a word! I have a dictionary, you know!)


Spelling - Congratulations! You have passed the spelling test with 99.9%! Though there are a few spelling mistakes here and there, they are all minor, so it really is up to you if you want to correct these minor mistakes. Error Status: Near Zero.

Grammar - Magnificent! You have passed your grammar test with 99.9%! There are a few grammatical errors here and there, but it could be easily edited. Error Status: Near Zero.

Plot - Amazing! You're plot has been picking up lately, which means you won the plot test with 98.9%! It is a little lower then you're other scores, but it is still better then 0%, do you agree? There are a few errors that can be easily taken out and replaced correctly, but that is up to you. You're plot is like this: Kita Akira has landed in another world called Hyperoth, which entails adventures of Fairy Tail characters such as Snow White, Goldilocks and Red Riding Hood (The last two having different names.) Now, Kita Akira has to find a powerful wizard to get back to his old world, while gaining new friends everyday! Error Status: Near Zero.

Punctuation - Simply incredible! There is almost no errors here, only the standard abuse of commas and a few mistakes. That is 99.9% for you! Error Status: Near Zero.

Now, let us continue on to my Fan-Boy Section:

Holy crap! This is one of the greatest stories I have ever read! Awesome!

Keep on updating, and please get through your Writer's Block alive!

Now for Ideas/Suggestions:

1 Queen Grimhilde, the second wife of Philip, is actually a sorceress, unknown to anyone except her two dimwitted henchmen - Bug and Bee. She demands them to capture Snow White and take her to the Forest of Darkness, as far as they might, at about midnight, when the whole kingdom is asleep.

"You impudent fools! Look what you've done!" Queen Grimhilde said, glaring viciously at her two henchmen. They had spilled her delicious tea all over her dress.

"We're sorry, Queen Grimhilde!" Bug and Bee said in unison, bowing quickly towards her.

"Now, as you're punishment, you two will capture the 'fairest girl of them all'; Princess Snow White! You will capture her at midnight, and you will take her towards the Forest of Darkness immediately after! Do not express any pity for her, or I will have you two beheaded! Oh, and don't you report me to the king; then you will experience a fate worse then death itself!" The Queen said in fury. The two minions quickly jumped up in fear.

"Yes, Queen Grimhilde!" They said, beginning to sneak towards Snow White's room. /\\\

2 Snow White is found by 7 little dwarves, each one named after a day of the week.

"Well, brothers, it seems we have found the perfect maid!" The older brother said, cackling with his other brothers.

That is all I can give you now. Bye!
Phantasy's Apprentice chapter 4 . 2/4/2014
And Snow White makes her debut. I bet they'll be surprised when they see her personality. I bet it's not going to be as pure as they think it'll be. And I can't wait to see their faces when they meet Prince Kevin. Anyways, can't wait for the next chapter! Sayonara!
Dark-Fire chapter 3 . 1/12/2014
Well done. With the first three chapters you have written, you have showed me a true writer's spirit. Though, you may have a few incorrections... That can be easily dealt with.


1 Spelling - Slight improvement is needed. Error Status: Rare.

2 Grammar - Slight improvement is also needed. Error Status: Rare.

3 Punctuation - Close to perfect, and only a few incorrections. Error Status: Extremely Rare.

Now, if the reason why you haven't been updating is because you ran out of ideas, then this is your lucky day!

Ideas/Suggestions (Sentences & Paragraphs Included):

1 After the third chapter, Red Blanchette and Kita Akira go to Red's village...

"You'll love it here, I promise!" Red Blanchette said to me, practically dragging me to that part.

2 Then, shortly after, Akira meets an old man at the side of the street. Red Blanchette recognizes him as the father of one of her friends.

"Hey, where's Golden Tails, Mr. Jack?" Red Blanchette asked with a curious expression to the old man.

"She-she's lost! She went into the-the Forest of Darkness! Please, little Red Blanchette, rescue her!" The man said with tears running down his face. He had a glazed over look in his eyes, like he had just went to search for his daughter and got at least half way through this forest they were talking about.

3 Skip: Akira and Red Blanchette end up nearby a small shack. Inside, they could hear a girl screaming.

"What the hell?" I said, quickly running inside with Red Blanchette following me. Inside, we saw a girl with golden hair in two twin-tails on her head, golden eyes, a tan skin, and a long blue dress that ended in a short skirt. She was tied to the roof with a rope, with a small amount of duct-tape taped around her mouth so that she wouldn't be able to breath. She was struggling the best she could to get off, with tears flowing down her face.

4 Skip: Akira awakens his latent power, and attacks the Papa Bear that was responsible for this.

"YAHHH!" I screamed, my gauntlet ready to slice this monster up for what he's doing. Then, I heard a small child screaming - it was the Child Bear.

"No, no, don't hurt daddy! We were only having a play! We didn't hurt her! We didn't hurt her!" The child bear screamed at me, hyperventilating. I decided to stop, retracting my gauntlet.

5 Skip: Akira has "saved" Golden Tails.

"Th-thank you for t-telling me about my father. Well, bye, friend!" Golden Tails said, blushing while waving at the three bears, who said "Bye!" back with smiles on their faces.

Then, Golden Tails and Red Blanchette hugged each other, hopping up and down in happiness.

'I hope this will last,' I thought. Little did I know...

Hope this sums it up. UPDATE!
ForestDweller1 chapter 3 . 1/3/2014
Hmm, so far it's been quite interesting. Continue.
Phantasy's Apprentice chapter 3 . 12/22/2013
Short yet interesting. Hope to see more outta this. This clearly has great potential in its own right. I'm hoping to see other fairy tail characters. BTW, if you want some inspirations for their designs, here's a good source. Just remove the spaces.

devilmaker . wikia wiki/ Category: Fairy _ Tale _ World

And before I go, I got to say this: poor Heinrich. That's all.
Phantasy's Apprentice chapter 2 . 12/10/2013
The prologue was short yet interesting, so I decided not to review on it. Anyways, I love the idea of a Fairy Tale based world. I truly hope to see your version of Kai, Gerda, and the Snow Queen from the "Snow Queen" fairy tale the most.
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