Nice story, it'll progress nicely. Yeah. Totally.

You know, the story is kinda hard to follow, I don't know who's talking and also your characters are pretty over the top, unless this is humor or something, since it's funny.

Hey, this is a great start! So yeah, maybe you should get some grammar corrections. It's great you gotta a review Karebear! ;)

There were some grammar mistakes and confusing/awkward sentences. Interesting story, but a little confusing in my opinion. Good plot, though, and nice lettering in some of the sentences.