Reviews for Parallel Lines
Obsidionyx chapter 19 . 2/9/2015
This is a good story; I enjoyed it immensely. I was expecting Parmagritte to be pushing a baby carriage before it ended, but some things come in their own time or not at all. Thank you for this wonderful tale and keep up the good work. By the way, what does OTT mean?
Obsidionyx chapter 1 . 2/5/2015
An intriguing story so far. The sex scene was particularly tasteful: enough detail to know what was going on, yet restrained enough to leave it to the reader's imagination. One question: is this set on another planet? It seems like it, but I can't help thinking it might be a different version of Earth. Either way, I can't wait to see what happens next.
Ephira chapter 19 . 12/1/2014
Phew, that was quite the ride..!

Did I ever mention your world-building skills are outstanding?
Red Horses was quite amazing, but with this one, all the little colorful details - whoever simple they seem looking back, like a different skin color for the slaves (gray, not black), ribbons for each houses, and those flowers, the synesthesia that came with the use of the drug - make up this completely new, unique, world that feels somewhat very personal in a way.
You have your own style, and it's evolved and matured even more since this piece, if Returning the Favour is any indication, and that puts you on a whole different level than the majority of authors today.

Anyways, thanks for the read, it was very enjoyable ;)
Charmm chapter 19 . 11/8/2014
Great and the best original story I've read in a while. The scene where they finally got together was so satisfying after all the tension in the previous chapters. Just really well written. I'll be on the lookout for future projects. x
franny221 chapter 19 . 6/27/2014
I loved this story. I thought the setting and the characters were really unique and well done. My favorite characters were definitely Payneil and Mourous as they were adorable.

You asked for feedback so here's some constructive criticism:
I been reading this over some time when I've had the chance so I can't give specifics but I do remember some typos just so you know they're there if you care about that sort of thing. There's actually a typo in your last a/n (apriciate) too lol. This is a nitpick but I think you used "begged the question" in a middle chapter somewhere in the common but incorrect way of "raising the question"(begging the question has more to do with circular reasoning). This is obviously not a big deal but I like to try to swim against the current and slow down the inevitable change of meaning by obnoxiously mentioning it whenever I hear "begged the question" used incorrectly :D
The only plot related problem I had was with Parmagrite's article in ch. 18. I understand that it was the culmination of a lot building up to this big event of social change, but in the context of the plot the contents of the article seemed written kind of juvenile in a way that the rest of the story is not at all. It's hard to explain, but my feeling when reading this was that it would be better suited for a rousing speech to fuel an existing rebellion rather than being informative or persuading people who have no idea what's going on. It makes sense to and has more impact on the reader because he's gone through this whole story what's going on and already is socialized to agree with it's message, but if I were someone just reading that article I would have no idea what the vague accusations of poison and perverting the law meant. For example, with no prior knowledge I might think, "Poisoning? That can't be true. No one has died from going to a Peyton house," without realizing that it's talking about poisoning of the reproductive system. It has a lot of pretty words about equality, however for someone living in such a prejudiced society I don't think just those words have much of an effect without going into concrete details about the poison and political manipulations. After all, it took a lot more than that for even Parmagritte to get over her prejudices. I was also confused about the distribution of the article which I think if made clearer might help change my opinion on its contents. Was the copy in the cafe it, or was it distributed elsewhere? I think it makes more sense for inciting a revolt to reach as many people as possible and have multiple copies, however based on the current contents of the article I don't really see it as effective without there being someone there like Saffran or Parmagritte there to immediately explain it or give more concrete ideas of action. I don't think it's necessary to go through all the details of the insurgency, but I think a little more explanation would make it feel more realistic. It just feels to me like that little cheapens the whole experience to something really idealized and simple while all the big civil rights/social change movements I know have started out a lot messier than simply publishing a column saying, "we are all the same."

That turned out a lot longer and rambling than I thought it would, but I hope my feedback makes sense! Thanks so much for the great story-I really did like everything but that damn article lol :)
MizuAz chapter 1 . 5/24/2014
Just finished Parallel Lines. You do sci-fi so well. Love the little world you created, especially the plants - you described the gardens beautifully. What an interesting, intertwining tale of flora and fawna and a bit of slash, politics, change, fear of change, and the people needed to bring it about for the betterment of the fearful ones. I really enjoyed this, thank you for taking the time to finish it, even with real life interferences!
worthless chapter 19 . 4/26/2014
You're a very lovely writer :) This is one of the best stories on FP.
whatisit chapter 19 . 4/15/2014
sorry I didn't review sooner on the last chapter :)
I am still thinking if I liked the ending or if it just felt too rushed.
Once Leuan and Ihsan have sex, it seems like the story is already resolved and the rest is just tying up a couple of loose ends. But I thought this story was leading to being something more, and the way it ends it just makes it look like the whole of the conflict with the five houses etc is just made as background for the protagonists to reach a point where they somehow can be closer together. On the other hand maybe you didn't feel like you had much more to add. In a way, everything is already explained somewhere, but some of the explanations were basically speculations or one sentence comments that were supposed to explain a lot about what the truth was behind the whole mystery. I guess in a way the romance part is quite well resolved, but the mystery part seems a bit unfinished. This can also be a personal preference, I guess, I am not the subtlest of people.
Anyway, thanks a lot for putting all the effort into finishing this even though it seems it took a big effort on your part to just stick with it :) Thanks for sharing your words and imagination.
krlsen chapter 19 . 4/8/2014
:D !
krlsen chapter 17 . 4/5/2014
whatisit chapter 17 . 4/7/2014
I don't know about OTT (I had to look that up!), I think after so much buildup anything less would have been disappointing... It was really good, I think, and I am happy to see they finally got it over with. Just wondering what those couple last sentences are hinting at... More trouble on the horizon for these guys? Of course, it can never be easy :)
krlsen chapter 16 . 4/2/2014
krlsen chapter 15 . 3/31/2014
whatisit chapter 15 . 3/30/2014
Will their misfortune never end? Of course something like this had to happen when things seemed like they were starting to look up! And can they actually gas him as they did when he was a slave?
I was wondering if Eyven and Aedan speak usually the same language, because I remember reading something about first generation Eyven having an accent?
So many updates! yay! Have a nice sunday :)
whatisit chapter 14 . 3/27/2014
I am very curious to see what that last part means... And what's all of this business with investigating the aflura about. I have to say that Leuan felt a bit out of character in this character, he hasn't seemed this amiable or direct ever, not even with Parmagritte, and they are supposed to be equals or something. He never actually seemed to start a conversation with her, let alone volunteer personal information. I don't know if this is supposed to show how he somehow can let down all of his defenses with Ihsan, but it feels kind of weird. :/ I would also like to know what could have made Mystle interfere, she doesn't seem the meddling type like Parmagritte.
I still am happy they got to talk anyway.
I think there is a mystery about what happened to Hamnor house, or maybe I am very bad at picking up hints.
Looking forward to the next chapter...! And have a nice day :)
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