Reviews for The Horror In The Corridor
Command and Capture chapter 1 . 12/13/2013
Hi, you have tons of stories, but I'll just review this one :)
The descriptons, imagery, and stuff like that I'd call it average. It has an okay range of vocabulary, it's not bad lah. I say the best way to start a story like this is to show Steve and Bruce in the air vent or talking to each other, arming their rifles. The summary gives the whole story away though, you should say something like;

"A pair of thieves make a grave mistake, breaking the mirror of misfortune."

The title invlolves a bit of rhyming, so that's nice :D
Hope this helps :)

Can you check out my Submit Your Own Character game show in my story, Deuce Danger?