Reviews for Hunger
missmentle chapter 1 . 3/26/2015
I thought that this was gong to be a cliche story, with the wold being a werewolf, but you totally took me by surprise. OMG YOU HAVE A WAY WITH WORDS! This story is amazing and is totally believable.
TanteLiz chapter 1 . 12/20/2013
Well done! I enjoyed the unexpected take - both in writing from the wolf's point of view and in deliberately NOT anthropomorphizing the wolf. To tell the truth, I was reminded of the doggie treat commercial where the camera moves from the dog's POV searching for the treat and you hear the voice saying 'bacon, bacon, bacon...'
You accomplished your intent of keeping your reader sympathetic to the wolf without hiding the fact that this is a predator. In nature, there are neither villains nor heroes, and you remain true to that fact - bravo. You have not made the woodsman despicable at all - although it took me a re-reading to realize he was weighting the wolf's carcass before dumping it in the river so that he could retrieve the pelt. Yeah, he just gutted and weighted and tossed a still-living animal into the river - unpleasant, sure. Crossing the line? No.
That being said, I was itching to edit this - your readers need a little more 'air around the words', as they say, to adjust to the wolf's vantage point. This could be accomplished in part by shortening the sentences, dropping some of the descriptives, primitivizing (is that a word?) the thought process. Let the wolf think in concepts, rather than statements. Your last sentence, already so effective, could become positively chilling.
AlysonSerenaStone chapter 1 . 12/19/2013
You did a really good job writing from the wolf's POV and explaining why he is the way he is. When I was reading this, I actually felt like I was the wolf and I could picture the wolf doing all of the things you described. I also liked the use of present tense-it's not a very common thing on fictionpress. I really enjoyed the last line. It was very entertaining. I didn't see any tpyos or anything that needs to be improved. Over all, a very well written story and I wish you the best of luck in the contest.
augie.toaste chapter 1 . 12/19/2013
, are you sure you're not an animal? You write rather well from a first-animal point of view (APOV?). I love this. I love how you get right into the mind of a wolf. Your use of words like 'runt' to describe who I guess is Little Red Riding Hood, and blood-coloured (rather than red. Nice touch, I see you've done your research into what wolves can and can not see), really make the story work.

You have a great way of capturing what it might be like to be a hungry wolf. The character really shines though. The line 'is that wolf' written in italics is surprisingly expressive. My favourite line has to be the last. The drive of the story has been the wolf trying to satiate its hunger, so I think that line is really poignant. It is hard not to sympathize with the wolf and find the 'runt' just the tad bit annoying; a tad bit disappointed that she didn't get eaten.

Erm... nothing in the way of critique. I suppose if I had to say something, it would be that this isn't so much of a back story as a retelling from the wolf's perspective. I'm really not complaining.

If you keep writing at this level, you're going to be one of my favourite authors. So, definitely no hate coming from my corner, however, reading this story did make me hungry and I hold you entirely responsible for that. ;)

Augie