Reviews for The Occupation
Sparrow9642 chapter 1 . 8/15/2014
Interesting. Great plot and story so far. Keep up the good work!
poopllama chapter 1 . 8/6/2014
This story was good, but needs an overhaul.
How you wrote the story in present tense bugged me. It just made the story hard to read. Also you tense-confused by mixing in a bit of past tense. A lot of the exposition seems very forced like your description of Shards. You sound like you were just listing facts, like in the occasion which you described the Union of Reform. Also you wrote "... a credit card, which are called Shards..." Are is reserved for plural nouns and pronouns, but in this case, you are referring to the credit card, not shards, so you should change "are" to is and change "Shards" to "a Shard". Also your dialogue and story in general lacked sufficient punctuation, which should have been in place. The dialogue sounds quite forced and unrealistic at some points also.

-Poopllama
Sha'Neekwa of the Sevateem chapter 1 . 8/1/2014
i like your characters
Chris S17A chapter 43 . 6/16/2014
Eh... Report shows that James and Caroline died? Two chapters ago... that was already given and we have no frigging idea what happened in James and Caroline's POV? Well... heck maybe they did die in an explosion or faked their deaths.

Anyways... Russian Resistance are kicking a lot of asses even though the Reformers are sending tech...

Good Chapter BTW
Wimpikid333 chapter 1 . 4/14/2014
It is my personal opinion that the first sentence/paragraph of a story should reveal the most about said story so as to set the scene. Let me review this:"It's no use!" She thought to herself, "They're going to catch us anytime now". Does this reveal the beginning of the story? Does this reveal a hidden agenda within the characters? I DON'T THINK SO! Please think on this...
Chris S17A chapter 38 . 3/30/2014
So... what happens to Penny, Nora, and the other two girls if they saw the Resistance withe Alicia? PS. Good work!
ShadowDrakgon chapter 38 . 3/30/2014
This part ruled!
Chris S17A chapter 34 . 3/23/2014
Eventually the guilt catches up...
Good Job BTW
Chris S17A chapter 31 . 3/17/2014
Meh... problems with trust. Well... trust is hard to earn but easy to break... and survival instinct just takes over rather than common sense/ thinking.
P.S. Good job!
Chris S17A chapter 26 . 3/1/2014
There is no way that the resistance know who really killed Ashley, anyway... I'll be looking up for the next chapter.
Chris S17A chapter 25 . 2/22/2014
Okay... now what do we have here... UOR has a small splinter group, The Resistance wants to kill James (Poor Penny), and a ruthless soldier that started all of this.
I can't wait for the next chapter.
spark n' Jetz chapter 23 . 2/9/2014
Wow. You update fast.
Chris S17A chapter 23 . 2/8/2014
Something bad going on with UoR? Men... this is gonna be bad...
James and Caroline will be the starting point of the separation of UoR.

Well... lets hear some stuff in the resistance side.
Chris S17A chapter 22 . 2/5/2014
Okay... Someone in the Reformer's side doesn't want all of this...
Penny's existence to the Reformers... is sort of... getting noticed.

Can't wait for more...
Chris S17A chapter 21 . 2/1/2014
Oo... Interogations and traitors... what more would happen?
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