|Reviews for The Story of Rain|
| TheChoirQueer chapter 2 . 12/31/2013
First of all, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! I was almost a New Year's baby (01/05)
Anyway, this chapter was excellent. I'm typically not a bug fan of POV switching, but I think you pulled it off rather well.
I like this guy. This Nicholas guy. He cracks me up. He's a badass. I like it.
Secondly, the punctuation still needs a bit of work.
One thing that would improve your writing is working of when to start a new paragraph. It makes it difficult to read the dialogue when it's clumped up together.
One more thing is try expanding your vocabulary. Learning a few new words each day can really enhance your compositions.
Other than that, I thought it was very good. Update soon.
If you ever want any tips/ideas/help, feel free to PM me!
And, once more, HAPPY BIRTHDAY! :D
| TheChoirQueer chapter 1 . 12/31/2013
I really like this story so far, but you have a few punctuation/grammar errors.
For instance, every time the dialogue switches to a new person, it is grammatically correct to start a new paragraph once they start speaking.
Red nudges me and winks, "Looks like somebody's got an admirer already..."
I just roll my eyes at her comment because Red has been trying to get me to date since like 8th grade. "Red, he could be an Enemy for all we know and he probably is."
"So, I think he's cute, and you two would look good together."
"Sometimes I wonder if your power is actually being psycho instead of fire..."
Red chuckles at this comment and replies, "I wish I could control weather like you, Rain."
Also, sometimes you speak too informally for a story setting. Sometimes it's fine, but occasionally it can go overboard with the hypen-use and one thing that stuck out was "...because Red has been trying to get me to date since like 8th grade."
"since like" seems too Valley Girl-like. Especially for writing. Avoid using "since like" if possible.
Also, when you have a number less than 100, it is proper to spell out the number in fiction works. Instead of "8th" try "eighth". It seems more professional.
Other than those few things, this chapter was really good. Very creative. Keep up the good work! I will follow this story! I'll be looking forward to more! :)
| lord syyn chapter 1 . 12/28/2013
So far so good. I dont often read sci-fi, so take it with a pinch of salt.
I would like to know more about the past of Rain and Red, and the new guy too. Keen to see how you change the characters and what they do.