|Reviews for The Mourning Sword|
| Esther chapter 13 . 7/20/2014
I'm so glad you've added another chapter! You definitely shouldn't give up on this story; it's too good.
You introduced a lot in this last chapter: Thiago and Allary's romance and a hint of a sinister plot-probably regarding stealing/somehow damaging the sword.
I think you handled the transition from Thiago and Allary being enemies to something more than friends well; by this chapter I definitely could see the signs, but when they first met I didn't suspect much. I'm interested to see how it will play out-there will be reactions from the court, political complications, and physical distances to deal with.
I am not sure how you could express the languages better-it is a tricky situation. I have read books using footnotes and/or a glossary at the end of the book, and while it works, pausing to look up words interrupts the flow of the reading. Perhaps you can think of any books which have handled such situations before? They may be good models... Maybe it would be a little more clear if the translation followed the quotes and was in italics? That's just my opinion, though. I'd say that as often as possible, maybe try to weave the translation into the story without directly translating it. But that can't always be done. Good luck :)
Oh, one other thing: I had to reread several chapters before I remembered what had happened. I'm not sure if this is my fault for not remembering or a result of the writing-I like your names, but I think they're often hard to remember.
Still, though, I'm loving this story, so please don't stop writing it! :)
| Black Rose of Death123 chapter 13 . 7/21/2014
Oh my gosh I can't believe you left it there! Please, please, please update soon!
| Black Rose of Death123 chapter 12 . 7/12/2014
Excellent chapter, as always. Please update soon!
| Esther chapter 12 . 7/7/2014
I don't usually give praise without critique when I review, but I am hard-pressed to find much to complain about in your story. The idea of the plot is simple, but you handle it well. I love the world you have created: your elves are in line with many depictions of them, but you've added original details to make them your own. You are also consistent in your depiction of them. I love the Elven world you've created: it is beautiful and detailed down to the plants and animals who live there.
One thing that makes your story stand out is the Elven language. I am very curious about it: how much have you developed it? From what I can see, it seems to be a genuine and consistent language. How are you making it?
My only critique relates to the language, though. It is unclear to me whether the Elves are saying everything twice, translating what they say, or not. For example, when Nata says "His varellón, battle stag," is he speaking first in the Elven tongue and then the Human one?
Regardless, I am captivated by your story. I really hope you will post more soon, for I am dying to keep reading :) Your story is too well written to give up!
| Lord of the North Wind chapter 3 . 6/19/2014
I have just finished Chapter 2, The Emissary and I have a sneaking suspicion Allary's mother is/was an Elven Lady/Maiden
| Jean chapter 9 . 4/26/2014
Sorry to pester you! I was just curious, have you given up on this story? I check on it quite frequently to see if it's been updated, but now that it's been a few months, I'm thinking perhaps you ran out of steam and/or enjoyment for it?
| Jean chapter 9 . 2/9/2014
Enjoying this immensely, please continue!
| Steffel chapter 8 . 1/21/2014
I'm not exactly a fan of hunts but you managed to convey the scene and the excitement pretty well, so I could get into it. I also enjoyed Allary and Thiago's banter and I'm curious where this is going.
| Steffel chapter 7 . 1/20/2014
I don't know if I'm even supposed to like Thiago this much but I really enjoy his snarkiness. Orlón is nice and interesting but Thiago has me smiling way more.
I just wish we had a reminder from time to time that Allary is still learning Elvish. She seems so absolitely fluent now and never struggles to find the right word.
Other than I'm enjoying this story a lot and look forward to the next chapter.
| Steffel chapter 6 . 1/16/2014
Ack, I forgot to log in for my last review.
Anyway, I enjoyed this chapter, although I don't know what to think of the Elves yet. They sure are an interesting bunch. Not all that likeable apart from Orlón (and I'm not yet all sure it isn't an act even though Allary seems to trust him a lot) but still rather fascinating. I'm really curious where this is going.
| Guest chapter 5 . 1/12/2014
I finally got around to read on and I have to say I really like the descriptions in this chapter. The way you describe the landscape is great for setting the scene and creating a fitting mood. I look forward to the next chapter.
| straw chapter 1 . 1/13/2014
Also, I happened to read the other reviews, and my goodness... I'm not sure if you're the sensitive sort, but if you are, please don't take to heart those written by the reviewer who apparently insists on treating your story like they are a professor grading a paper in a fiction class. I think critique is extremely important, and by no means is your story perfect, but I think they are slightly overdoing it in taking it upon themselves to correct virtually every last sentence. Perhaps they are annoyed by all the wildly popular stories floating around the internet that are absolutely rife with errors and which epitomise terrible writing that does not deserve to be popular... (In which case, fair point.) But I just hope that receiving that person's numerous reviews picking out every last flaw or error does not discourage you from continuing your story. I think it has a lot of potential, errors and all, and I do hope perhaps that their reviews *somehow* encourage you to fine-tune your work and not to abandon or ignore it.
| straw chapter 7 . 1/13/2014
I'm enjoying this story so much; please keep up the good work, and update soon. :)
| Steffel chapter 4 . 1/6/2014
I know I sound repetitve but I really enjoyed this chapter.
It's nice how you give us more background info by using the dialogue between Allary and Orlón and it's more believeable that way. After all we don't know much about Elves either. I look forward to the Elven capital although I fear things might start going downhill again. Allary thinking the journey wouldn't be difficult after all just sounds so much like tempting fate.
| Steffel chapter 3 . 1/5/2014
Another fine chapter! I like Orlón a lot and look forward to finding out more about him. Allary is very likeable with her insecurities and friendly nature. You also do a great job with describing the scenery. Neither too detailed to make the reader bored and yet detailed enough to be able to picture it.