|Reviews for Styran Steeler|
| Daniel Kozaki chapter 4 . 1/12/2016
Bracing myself for a good dose of Parcellity…
‘…releasing a trojan virus into the system.’ – a trojan is not exactly a virus, to be techie-nitpicky, eh, nvm. Carry on.
Colorful Mr Smiles is colorful.
Card battle… oqo
‘It instead rammed itself halfway through a wooden table…’ – OP card is OP
Interesting MC weapon. He got the balls for it *shot*
‘Behind him, was a third figure creeping towards the scene.’ – no comma needed
'Wow, uh... yeah.' ‘'So much for smooth one-liners, dumbass.' – the Kaz is stronk in this one
WAHA – best acronym ever
I like your balance of dialogue and description, and the execution of each one of them (at least your writing doesn’t go bipolar like mine). Just sometimes the description got a tiny bit long amidst rapid battles, but that’s just me nitpicking.
Anyway, it has the feeling of a level 1 boss, good fun, but no over-the-top action yet. Is this story still going, Kaz-kun? *w*
| Daniel Kozaki chapter 3 . 1/12/2016
Picturesque setting. Naisu. Thundere town?
Oh. I thought Styran Steeler is the name of a character. Lol
I can practically ‘see’ the yellow guy. Uh.. nice description.
‘its their fault…’ – it’s
Using  for skills looks kinda unorthodox imo. And just writing thoughts in italic without the quotation marks might make it look less awkward, seeing that you’re using it quite often. Again, a matter of opinion, hai. -v-
Fire and fire. Hi Rosa.
| Fox Trot 9 chapter 4 . 12/11/2015
I had to reread the first 3 parts to get up to speed on this story... I loved the action scenes in this chapter, and it looks like you did a good amount of world building here... And the part where James came up with that one-liner, I can just imagine what went through his head when he said that... Hehehehehe... ( *w* ) Anyway, this is very interesting and I'm looking forward to further updates...
| Y. S. Wrong chapter 4 . 7/17/2015
I didn't realize I'd already read and reviewed this chapter, but it's been so long that it felt practically new anyway when I read it. So, here's another review. (*w*)
Mr. Smiles is so colorful. (*w*) Sasuga someone with such a happy personality.
Damn, for some reason I have this image of Mr. Smiles erotically pumping his USB drive into the computer while Computer-chan screams "Ahn" and then everything becomes corrupted with Mr. Smiles' material.
James' bouncing balls OP.
James, son, if you got a lighter, it's FLAMING BOUNCY BALL TAIMU.
WAHA sounds like one of Boomer's laughs.
Parcell bling blings again, outshining even James' incestuous tendencies. (*w*)
| Daniel Kozaki chapter 2 . 3/3/2015
Loved the sound of the chapter title.
Jack? Oho. (just noticed)
Sunglasses. Of course.
Desktop computer. Of course.
'"... I only kiss the tower, I swear."' - Of course.
Why would someone teleport an apple tree to a neighbor's porch?
I actually googled that.
Oh yay, Parcell! And (what did Wong call her?) oh, Assa.
Onowatchamacallit is fun. PC's prolly the highlight of the chapter for me.
Some issues with the dash and apostrophe, but overall, enjoyable and atmospheric. Them thriller tropes and elements.
Review quote of the day: 'Better update soon or I'll go vroom vroom to your house, pew pew your house down and give it a bigasss kaboom.'
| Daniel Kozaki chapter 1 . 2/26/2015
Hm, with 28 reviews just this chapter, I don't think I can say anything anyone else hasn't.
Action setting, thriller atmosphere, atop a tower, Italian names, cool lines, gunpoint scene, fireworks, and mana? What else can an action junkey ask for?
'"A top the infamous Herntech clock tower..."' - [Atop]
Well, will come back for more after this appetizer.
| Sentimental RainCloud chapter 4 . 10/26/2014
That embarrassing feeling when you thought you read and reviewed something, but it turned out you didn't. uwu Either way, it's your lucky day. U I'm reviewing (not like you update regularly /slappedandkicked/ w I hope you know I'm kidding.)
Wow, Mr. Smiles be making a fab fashion statement. u I like this guy already. I must say, I liked how fast paced the action was. u The name is...What's James last name? ._. Let's go with Bond /slapped./ (Oh, I see it's Liber. . I was typing this review while reading.)
"he had no balls in his satchel bag" - I have no idea why that made me lmao. uwu
"My name is Parcell Chimes. I work for the National Ethereal Security Association, and right now we should be whoosh whooshing out of here." - I LOL'd sooo hard.
In the end this was a really fantastic chapter. Please update soon. You're depriving us of your talent. ;-; Papa, why?
| sugar honey iced tea chapter 2 . 8/10/2014
It makes sense that you followed up Jack's death to our main protagonist's first appearance. Naisu.
I'd say that pacing overall was pretty good, but for me, I felt as though the first section of the chapter was a bit sudden in change of mood. It's somewhat distressing with the death of James' uncle, and suddenly we've got 'his favourite pair of shades'. I mean - the transition itself from a negative to a positive atmosphere is a good, since it's a sense of progression. But maybe don't start this positive atmosphere off too light-heartedly, if you know what I mean...
Characters seem pretty interesting so far. James will hopefully turn out to be an insightful character, since he's already thinking systematically how to deal with the situation.
Nice stuff :)
| Thundy chapter 4 . 8/10/2014
The action scene was alright.
I still think James should be named Jack :D
Not a big fan of James yet though u
Seems sort of boring right now
All bout dat Parcell doe. Eyyyyyy!
Decent chapter u
| Y. S. Wong chapter 4 . 8/10/2014
Red pistol, lol. Fancy.
Mr. Smiles sure isn't a smiley sort of fellow. ;(tilde);
James uses balls. Fufu.
So Parcell and James meet. Parcell is as fun as I remember her. (*w*)
The action bits felt a little bit muddled and confusing, but otherwise, the writing is stellar as usual.
| sugar honey iced tea chapter 1 . 8/10/2014
What way to start off the story. Short and sweet. Already my thoughts for this are that it may seem more entertainment-based instead of something which may have a deeper meaning to it. 'Action' is the genre, after all.
This was really easy to read off of, and already you're making us think about this strange, malevolent person that is, Montegrue. Quoted, 'The Devil'. I guess as introductions go, an important character dying at the hands of a mastermind criminal-like opponent doesn't seem that original. A lot of films in recent years as I recall have started off in a similar way. Titles that unfortunately, I can't remember, so I can't use them as examples here.
But nevertheless, the pacing was great, and despite what I stated as 'not original, it really hooks the reader in and acts nicely as a cliffhanger.
Can't wait to read more of this.
| Sage Young chapter 4 . 8/10/2014
Huh, the action was fine and all. But how should I say this... there seems to be a lack in challenge or danger towards James even as he ducked the attacks or retaliated.
Also, sometimes there's a lot of focus around three or more areas within a single paragraph that I find myself slowing or worse, getting confused due to the need to squint and read the chunk of text. Wished they were separated into smaller paragraphs.
For the most part it feels close to first person, with the omniscient eye closely following James with the exception of the introduction of 'Mr. Smiles'(First 'Pinstripes', now 'Mr. Smiles'? Are you purposely trying to make it feel cheesy/lighthearted?)
James felt like a prodigal genius for being able to think so much while being chased, which may have been the point. However, it diminished the threat of the thugs as well as reduced their presence to that of clowns or mooks that were there just so James could have a reason to show us his power.
From the chapter before i thought the gangs would have been much more dangerous, I suppose. Maybe that was just a wrong assumption on my part. The number of pursuers shrunk over the paragraphs, though.
Also, did James really used [Projectile] magic? It felt as though he just threw a ball at the guy. Too fast or too sparse in description for a more solid mental image.
Well, at least it was nice knowing Parcell can hold her own in a tussle. Guess they'll be facing this 'Mr. Smiles' in the next chapter. Maybe Rosa's fighting him right now, considering how she doesn't really make an appearance in this chapter(Was kinda looking forward to the damage she'd done to the streets.)
Overall a decent read for me. Wished there was stronger focus on the ethereal abilities. Some of the phrasing of descriptions(eg. sweet, sweet darkness) felt out of place, making me wonder who was interpreting or presenting the narration(It couldn't have been the thug, yeah?). Those felt more in place in first-person narratives and thus felt out of place in this chapter.
| cmaej chapter 4 . 8/10/2014
You are pretty good with action scenes, though I'm disappointed we didn't get to see Rosa's crazy antics. I'm also suspicious of Parcel's power. So far, she only displayed fighting skills, which was impressive in its own right. But this is the first time I actually viewed Parcel as eye candy. lol I wished I used her in the tourney. Toru would of had good time. /shot
Poor James can't catch a break. lol
| Psykofreac chapter 2 . 8/10/2014
While the last chapter lacked description, I must say this one is actually really impressive with it, Both internal and external. So far though, I'd say what stood out the most to me in this story is the humor. There's quite a whimsical atmosphere I think more stories should have along with some nice quirks for characters to be memorable.
| DevilPogoStick chapter 4 . 8/10/2014
Wow, I forgot that James is a badass here.
Taking out a guy with a super ball...is balls to the walls badass. I do enjoy the scenario as James is quick to analyze and does his best to handle the deadly situation placed against him.
And huzzah, Parcell shows herself in this story! This glorious story! And...Poor James needs a change in pants! XD
Keep it up!