|Reviews for An Unexpected Prophecy|
| Wendy Thompson135th chapter 1 . 1/2/2014
Some grammar/logic/editing problems:
"preposterous ideal with problems abound" -as written, this needs tweaking. Try: 'preposterous ideal WHERE problems abound'. Or possibly: 'preposterous ideal with ABUNDANT problems'. Either keep 'abound', which is a verb, and create a clause which modifies 'ideal' or change to an adjective which modifies 'problems'. As written, the sentence is ungrammatical.
I vaguely remember this army/gun bit. I believe it was inspired by Switzerland, where every male is part of the army reserve and must keep a gun and ammunition in his home. Check Wikipedia: Gun Politics in Switzerland. However, the next section (This training appears to start in schools where children are running about with weapons, learning how to properly shoot animals for food. When they graduate, they probably receive a diploma along with a full set of hunting knives, a handmade hickory longbow with a draw weight of 250lbs, and an official license to kill. It is not a huge leap to transfer this knowledge of hunting over to using the same weapons to harm your fellow human when arguments ensue over petty issues...) is surmise on the author's part: APPEARS, PROBABLY, HUGE LEAP, etc. I hope you are not suggesting that skilled slaughter of food animals is not desirable. If we eat meat, and we do, it is part of our responsibility as humans to make their deaths as painless as we can.
unpersonal, fulfil -impersonal, fulfill.
"Because of the fast and reliable trains, people are also moving back out to the farms and choosing the country life over the bustle of the city. This plan is an elegant proposed solution to our problem of overcrowding. We inhabit a huge country and a large percentage is the wide open country. If people spread out into the surrounding areas and were connected by rail to the city, we wouldn't have such an issue." -do not mistake local density with overpopulation. Just because people are spread out does not mean E. was not overpopulated or that we are not now. I vaguely remember(it's been a long time since I read the book) that the government/whatever of E. was in fact reducing the population, by limiting immigration, encouraging emigration, and by natural attrition, because the founding population was too large to be sustained within a closed ecological system, which was the main goal. Just dispersing a population solves nothing: too many people still means too much development/exploitation. In any case, the wide open country is not empty, except of humans.