|Reviews for The Seven Daggers of Legend: The Deep|
| FixedUrFic chapter 1 . 1/5
Your first sentence is kind of a mess, and I haven't really gotten past it. For one, you use "heals" when you should have "heels." For another, the length of her hair gets crammed into an already overstuffed sentence. Then you use passive voice to describe her swaying. All in all, you're trying to do too much at once. How about something more like this?
"Maxia's heels clicked on the pavement as she headed toward the train station, just barely contending with the wind that threatened to topple her. It kept whipping her long strawberry-blonde hair in her face, but when she tried to turn into it, she was hit with an envelope."