|Reviews for Shinning Hearts|
| YveBushido00 chapter 2 . 1/25
Hello! I just read these first two chapters and wanted to leave some thoughts. First of all, thank you for taking your time to write this story! Writing is harder than it looks and I always commend writers for creating worlds and putting their thoughts out there.
So...I just want to say that you have a knack for descriptive writing that will only get better. A large vocabulary, good placement, and consistency. In terms of prose, I could follow you cohesively and that's always a plus. There were some faults with grammar, but I'm not nitpicky in that regard. Just watch out for comma splices and how you use hyphens and all that stuff.
In terms of story, I like where you're going here. Kayla seems pretty likable so far with plenty of room for development. Introductory characters have a tendency to be plain or typical, but I always argue that's a chance for them to get better. The dying world, chosen warriors, the kingdom, the alternate worlds connected by a mysterious bridge, monsters...there's a lot going on in these two chapters which makes for a strong premise. I wonder how all these things will tie in together?...
Gotta knock ya on a few things: in terms of transitioning from setting to setting, I found myself lost a few times. At certain points, I couldn't tell if we were getting information about the lights or being introduced to another character. The way you switch between subjects and settings might be too abrupt...without a page break or separations, I find myself wondering if I got left behind or if the story's moving too fast.
Some of the phrases were a little oddly written, but not so much as to impede readability. Some phrases were repeated a few times over (I noticed "behold" a few times) - not that it's a bad thing, but variability helps to keep readers interested. Lastly, over describing: especially with the part where the warriors were linking their powers together for the blast, the light description was dragging a little long. Concision often times helps writers to get their ideas across simply while still maintaining beauty, as when describing an image or setting or action.
All in all, I likey-like! Keep writing because I will certainly keep reading!