|Reviews for The things we do|
| Uncivilized chapter 1 . 7/31/2014
Angst is a category though, it's between parody and supernatural; I don't agree that this would fall under the category of angst, just yet anyway. It's labeled perfectly in my opinion.
I, too, tend to start my stories with little to no context and rush off into the the think of things, I can appropriate what you've got here. Truly an interesting place to start as the starting usually will define the tone for the rest of the story to come (or at least a good portion of it).
I want to share the ideas of what I believe to be happening at the moment (even if I have no solid evidence of this). This character we see is the wife of the man, she is angry with the way he has been treating her and she is probably being physically abused by the man, which seems a little generic. I was expecting a unique aspect, though, to the story because she felt it necessary to murder the man at that particular point in time regardless of the risks that the child(ren) would see. So perhaps there is an element of urgency with her actions and not just that she furious with him beyond repair.
I'm terrible at noticing grammar mistakes but as far as I can tell the story is clean of them.
Something to look into would be the perspective of the story; it's written in the third perspective, told by a narrator, but you present the thoughts of the main character without an introduction. I don't really know how to example what I mean so I'll give an example. "Why does it have to hurt" is because this isn't in quotations and there is no introduction, like, "she found herself thinking" or "she thought to herself" ect, it's a shift to the first person perspective and for a brief moment the narrator isn't telling the story anymore, she is. I hope that makes sense.
Some people like to use paragraphs like you did above because it's easier to read and at times it may help emphasis certain things. I personally like to use paragraphs like actual paragraphs, although I'm not sure if that really matters. just wanted to point it out.
One last thing, why is the story copied here twice. I mean that it's the same section of the story but repeated one after the other.
Anyways, nice job on this, fantastic start and I'm sure you'll think of something great to add to it later on. Cheers!