|Reviews for SINs|
| xXMsBloodyMoonsxX chapter 2 . 12/5/2014
Oooh, I think all the rooms are really cool! I was actually pretty surprised at first when I read that Beelzebub had a room full of food, lol. That would actually be pretty cool, in my opinion! :) I can't wait to read more and see what happens next. Great job! :)
| xXMsBloodyMoonsxX chapter 1 . 12/5/2014
In most of the books I've read, Lucifer has always been a guy, so it's really cool how you have this character as a girl instead. :) Also, I really like Beelzebub. I don't know why but, her character really intrigues me. Plus, the name is really cute, too. :)
Also, it's kinda funny, in my opinion, that when you mentioned the sin of Sloth I just imagined a bunch of tired teens trying to stay awake in school and walking really slow in the halls.
Like always, though, I love all your characters and I think this is a really interesting start to your story. I can't wait to read more! :)
| Ms. Hope chapter 7 . 5/8/2014
I have to admit.
For me, this is like the most heartwarming 7 deadly sin story I have read.
Mainly because of Sakuma's thoughtfulness.
| Abby chapter 2 . 3/13/2014
Haha I'm loving every second I'm reading this! I'm laughing so hard after reading the last little bit! Keep up the good work! I wish I had this kind of talent!
| Abby chapter 1 . 3/13/2014
Omg I loved it! I couldn't stop reading it! Haha I hope you know there are a few typos (I think)! I can't wait to read more! Keep up the awesome work!
| Chaos-Deadly Sin chapter 6 . 3/1/2014
What an exciting new plot twist! Sorry I couldn't comment for your last chapter, because a huge lightning storm knocked our electricity out for a while. Anyway, if I am correct, these are the new ideas you brought in to this increasingly great story:
There is an actual law-book of Hell that also describes what occurs in it; Sakuma can use several different "sights" while using the weapon forms of the Sins, which increases all his senses; he will become the King of Hell; and, well, the humorous electric anthropomorphic unicorn-demon with 29 legions of demons under it's control (exactly 2030 demons).
Though I may be slightly disappointed that you won't be excepting original characters for quite a while or never, I will still stand by this story and read it until it's bitter end. (I'm also hoping for sequels, which I will also follow until their ends.)
Oh, and you're humor reaches no bounds, I might add. All these perverted jokes makes my nose bleed too much, I had to put a blanket around my head to stop myself from losing all my blood. Still, great story.
Since I've heard you want some constructive criticism, I'll give you the greatest one I can:
Spelling - I have seen a few mistakes here and there. I'm too lazy to go back and triple-check, so you are going to have to look for it. Though, I'll give you 99.9% for effort. Error Status: 1%.
Grammar - You have made a few mistakes here and there, but I'm sure that with your great author abilities, you can easily scout out those mistakes and correct them. 99.9% for effort. Error Status: 1%.
Quality - Amazingly done. There's lots of action, short romances, surprising plot twists, and originality. You also have lots of interesting characters, and you're story is working a little slow at first, but that's because you aren't finished building up your characters yet. 99.9% for effort, yet again. Error Status: 1%.
Quantity - There is just enough words in every chapter. A perfect amount of setting. I'll give you 100% for this one; not just because I like your story mass, but because you put so much effort in completing your chapters. I am almost speechless by your amazing effort. Not just in this category, but I speak for all the others. Error Status: 0%.
Plot - A great story so far. You have shown your readers a lot of your plot, and I'm sure I speak for most of us readers when I say this is awesome. 99.9% again, but the marking may or shall increase as you lay out the plot even further. Error Status: 1%.
Punctuation - There may be a few over-uses and non-uses of punctuation here and there, but otherwise great. I'm sure you can correct it. 99.9% points. Error Status: 1%.
Now I know you may be surprised that I didn't even mention Italian Pizza until this sentence, but I just finished eating the aforementioned food. Hmm... Delicious... Anyway, please add in one of your chapters when you will be accepting original characters, if you ever do.
I absolutely love the fanservice in your story. I'm sure it's been attracting a lot of male members lately. More yuri references! Are you with me, guys?
Also, are you ever planning on adding a lemon scene in your story? If you do, I suggest you add a warning in the summary, because I am sure there are lots of under-aged children reading this story, too.
And please increase your Yuri levels.
"Vegeta, what does your scouter say about his Yuri Level?"
*takes off scouter* "IT'S OVER 9000!" *crushes scouter* "But this author needs to increase it to OVER 100,000,000!"
I. Want. Cute. Group. Picture. Of the Seven Sins! Immediately! Ask some DeviantArt loser - oops, I meant DeviantArt fanatic - to make an animated picture of the Seven Sins from this story. Then, when you get it, please make it the front cover of this story!
No pairings to cook! Damn it... You already took all the good ones! *sulks in a corner*
1 Sakuma is suddenly ambushed by a group of 6000 demons when out on a mission in London, England.
"What the hell?!" I screamed, jumping out of the way of the stampeding crowd of 6000 demons. "How does so many demons sneak into London at night without anyone noticing?! These people are probably heavy sleepers or something..."
(Sorry, it's the only idea I have for you right now... I'll probably come with more ideas next chapter.)
(Suggestions: I highly suggest you bring in a rival for Sakuma, who will battle him for the title of King of Hell. Also, I highly suggest that Sakuma will gain two large black wings when he finally becomes King of Hell. And I also highly suggest that you add my original characters from my first review to be added to your story as soon as you accept original characters.)
Now, update as soon as possible. Yes, I know that there's been lots of school and work going on lately, so I'll know why you take long to post another story. But, I'm just very eager to read the upcoming chapter.
| sensei chapter 1 . 2/26/2014
First of all, congrats for a very well structured story (at least as far as the 1st chapter goes) and (this is extremely important in storytelling) the first lines of the text are a well sewed net for the reader's attention. So as we follow the introduction to what seems to be the main character and narrator, my first note would be to say that regarding wrists cutting a Swiss army knife is not very handy and seems a bit atypical. If one has cut its wrists (what a messy way to die! are you sure a young boy would choose that sort of long, painful and unreliable exit door?), as I see it, either the suicide method would differ, or there would probably be no mention to what was used to cut the wrists, only the mention to the markings (which would be diagonal, by the way, since horizontal cuts don't do the trick, and before you panic, I should say this knowledge is not based on personal experience, I actually learnt that in a film). Also: is it that important to know how he is dressed? «My clothes? Well... » And he goes on telling about four pieces of clothes and it's colors. It's simply too much information and most of all, unnecessary information, read it but sort of skipped it.
Secondly, drove to the wall is a way of describing a state that has many many ways of being described, so why repeat the expression twice?
The Devil can't hear or read whatever a human writes or says? That's puzzling... How did she get interested in him, she saw into his soul and observed him without understanding the words, sounds and gestures used to communicate in human language? So so puzzling...
The deal with the Devil paragraph, not quite a typo but more of a weird sentence syntax, review that from «involves».
«6 more flames appeared», since the flames have different colors and are probably smaller than the first white one from which Lucifer appeared, I would cross the «more» (it makes the "minions" as important as the big boss Lucifer, as if on the same level).
One final suggestion: the boy just makes up a great name like that? Just like that? That was fast! One simply says «Hey, I'll change my name into (...) and that's that». It should be attributed to him by Lucifer, it would make much more sense: either he would remember everything from his past life except for his name or the name would be taken and changed, as a way to seal the deal (as in Chihiro) or as a way to say that he is no longer the same person as before dying, his objectives will be different and so will he, hence the name change.
| Sree Harsha chapter 1 . 2/18/2014
well, the story is quite interesting, but the theme isn't new...and everything is extremely detailed...thats kinda boring...but this is introduction, so its okey, haha..and nice one..keep up with it, stranger...and i'm the stranger from omegle.. :)
| That random dude chapter 4 . 2/16/2014
This is nice, I like how the story is developing so far, make more please!
| Chaos-Deadly Sin chapter 4 . 2/16/2014
Hello there. This is Chaos, the Deadly Sin. I'm currently not logged into my account because I'm to lazy to check for the password.
Now, I have five words for this story: To. Amazing. To. Be. True.
How the heck did you find the idea for this? It looks like you went to Hell and then came back to think of this story. Is this an illusion? It must be. It should be!
Anyway, I like your story. A lot.
Grammar: Awesome. (A few errors here and there, but otherwise perfectly done, like Italian Pizza.)
Plot: Incredible. (It isn't 100%, though it could be if you unravel the rest of the plot. Great effort.)
Punctuation: Unbelievable. (Awesome! So far, only a few mistakes. Good job, mate. (I'm from England, so I sort of tend to use the word 'mate' a lot when I refer to someone I respect or a friend, which I adopted from my grandfather.))
Crazy Fan-Boy Rants:
Holy Italian Pizza! (I LOVE Italian Pizza.) PrideXLust yuri FTW! Send me a photo, or I'll send my corrupted demon into your story! And that is no hollow threat. I've done it to someone before... If you can't take a picture, ask someone to make an animated photo for you. Oh, and when you suddenly decide to change the rating to M, make that the story's cover! I dare you!
Oh, and cute little sins they are. I bet Greed's room is filled with gold, jewelry, silver, and diamonds! I also bet her bed is made out of golden material that would make Lust look on in envy.
And then there's Sakuma. Seriously... Where did you get that name? Kakashi's father?! *shot for spoilers to the Naruto manga*
Ideas for Characters:
If you would like to, you can add in a Forgotten Sin called Chaos. This only means if you would like to use him. If you want to know what he looks like and what his personality is, read the stuff below:
Other Name: Apollyon. (The Greek name for Satan. You can let him be her brother, if you'd like.)
Appearance: Black hair, gray eyes, long black cloak, crow wings, sharpened black nails, and black sneakers.
Weapons: A chainsaw, a sword, bow and arrows, and a shield with an inverted pentagram on it.
Personality: Being the embodiment of chaos and destruction, Apollyon likes destroying things in a huge display of fire. He also rides on a black nightmare horse that has several spikes protruding from it's head. He also likes causing trouble between the Seven Sins, which is what caused him to be banned from ever seeing the other sins again. He then swore to cause chaos in every other part of Hell, and was actually the one who opened the gates of Hell in the first place, along with ruling over the demons that reside in Earth. He is annoyed about Sakuma sending his demon army members to Hell, and is thinking about a way to get rid of him for good.
(Now for Blasphemy!)
Other Name: Abaddon.
Appearance: Silver hair, gray eyes, pale skin, and wearing golden robes.
Weapons: A scythe, an axe, fire and smoke.
Personality: Being the embodiment of all the blasphemy, he likes to lie a lot, and usually says "Jesus Christ!" when he's angry at someone. He was also abandoned from the Seven Sins to the other corners of Hell, but didn't go to Earth like Apollyon. He is still lying to the other demons that still reside in Hell about there being in other entrance to Earth, or a way to kill the Seven Sins. He also tries to play pranks on the other Seven Sins on the sidelines, but they still manage to ignore them. He is curious about this Sakuma person, and is thinking of a way to trick him into stealing Satan's panties.
Other Name: Grim.
Appearance: Red hair, black eyes, pale skin, long black robes with tears in it, and black metal boots.
Weapons: A scythe, a sword, a gun and a bronze knife.
Personality: Since he is the embodiment of death, he looks like a dead person and loves to go on a killing spree on Earth with the other demons. He was also banned from the Seven Deadly Sins because he actually had devised a plan that could actually kill all the Sins, the Demons and humans on Earth. He already has a plan devised for killing Sakuma in the most gruesome way possible, slowly and painfully.
Since I don't have any story ideas I can give you now, this is the end of my review. Please update, and good luck!
This review will explode in 5... 4... 3... 2... 1...
| DemonSlayerGod chapter 1 . 1/28/2014
Ok, since you want me to put an actual review, I'll do so.
I think Satan and Sakuma are going to become a running gag, because that's where it's headed.
First battler scene, well executed, I expect great things from you
| DemonSlayerGod chapter 3 . 1/28/2014
A review is here...
| FireAce1507 chapter 1 . 1/23/2014
I love this kind of stories where you have supernatural beings ou powers like gods or the controling things with your mind.
I've been following BOG since his first fanfic so i can tell that in my opinion this is his best story.
I advice you check out his other stories if you are a pokemon or megaman fan. Even if you arent you should do it.
5 stars out of 5
| I am the ultimate hybrid chapter 1 . 1/19/2014
Good story cant wait for more.