|Reviews for The Phantoms Redux|
| Sirenof7Seas chapter 2 . 3/4/2014
Men didn't curse around women back then and women didn't curse at all unless they were "bad" women.
| Sirenof7Seas chapter 1 . 3/4/2014
The West pretty much ends about a year later. Cars and planes start showing up in 1903.
I think they'd roll their own cigarettes instead of buying them in the store.
| adsiderum chapter 3 . 2/28/2014
This is another very, very good chapter. I'm really digging all of that symbolism that you included in this with biblical references (Cain, alpha and omega, cross...). It's very cool / professional.
| adsiderum chapter 2 . 2/9/2014
I am in love with Xavier's character development throughout this entire chapter. First of all with the dream scene, we got great insight as to how he regrets his kills (by the way, it was super creepy and very well done. I felt like it was right out of a scene from a horror movie). Next, we get some type of chemistry/tension happening between Xavier and Allison. Then, Xavier shows how his faith takes a part of his life. You might want to include those references to god in the first chapter, though, to keep it consistent throughout your story. I'm really starting to feel a whole lot more of sympathy towards Xavier and I feel like I can connect to him more.
Also, I really liked how you incorporated some more history into the plot. That scene with Atticus Smith's exclamations very cleverly helped me to establish the time frame of the story.
You started off your story with "Xavier was walking up a hill." To me, that sentence seems very simple and doesn't grab my attention as much as it would if you changed it up a bit. Even if you just slightly changed it to something like "Xavier trudged up a hill," it might be a better hook. The same thing goes for when you used "happy" to describe Xavier's emotion when he opened up Allison's gift for him. That's a very generic word and in this scene, you have the opportunity to show the nature of his friendship with her. Could he feel touched? Shocked? Did he expect the present? Did he not? Anything other than happy xD
Congrats on this FABULOUS chapter! Your writing keeps getting better and better and I am hooked.
| adsiderum chapter 1 . 1/26/2014
I absolutely love this so far. You've really slowed this story down compared to the one you had previously written and it makes your writing very engaging. Great job!
I noticed that when you were introducing Kelly's name in your prologue, you said "Her name, was Kelly." I don't believe that this is the best place to put a comma. You could remove the comma, but if you wanted to keep that pause and the short sentence, you could also write "Her name: Kelly."
I really like how you used types of words that would be expected of this time period. It's super!
In the first sentence of Chapter 1, you used the word "bar". I would recommend that you change it to "saloon."
That fight scene you wrote was beautifully done. I absolutely loved all of the detail you included. It made me feel as if I was there with them.
I absolutely loved this first part. Write more and put it up!