|Reviews for Beautiful With You|
| Harmony'sLoveHP chapter 1 . 4/9/2014
Beautifully written story. Although I am not familiar with the requirements of the forum you belong to, I found that this story worked very well with the prompt you were given. As thebothers pointed out, there were a few mistakes within it that was probably easily missed by your spell checker. When you made Nicholas quote the Beatles song "Blackbird", wich is a very good song, you needed to have put three quotation marks instead of two.
I liked the way that you made use of first-person as well as second-person point of view. It was clever to keep their names a secret for so long. I definitely believe that this was one of the bestvstory of yours that I've read, not that the other ones aren't great because they are.
Good story, I enjoyed it greatly.
| HighOnBrokenWings chapter 1 . 1/27/2014
I liked the concept, and your writing style, however the piece was a little rough at the edges. You had some missing words, a few blips in tense and narration style, as well as sentences that were structured oddly. I would definitely suggest editing it, maybe even get someone else to read through and pull out the little mistakes for you. FictionPress has made it incredibly hard for me to do so in a review, with their elimination of the ability to copy and paste.
Overall, it was a sweet piece :) I know that feeling of just clicking with someone even though you don't even know their name or their story. Sort of like love at first sight.
| augie.toaste chapter 1 . 1/22/2014
All hail the queen of teenage romance fiction. I bow down to the way you've captured the elements of this genre. Great stuff, Alyson. Jazzy already said that the bird stuff was clever, so I feel a bit redundant mentioning it again, but it makes the piece unique. I couldn't help feeling that the love interest was too good to be true. Is Nick a real person? Why is his only character dimension unconditional worship of Sawyer? As I read, I kept expecting Nick to actually be a tree... or a bird. ;)
-It is believed that the possess knowledge. - There’s a word missing there. ;)
| JustJazzyD chapter 1 . 1/21/2014
I love that Beatles song. I like how the birds are an integral part of your story, sort of an extension to Sawyer, giving her a mysterious otherwordly type of personality. I was pulled in from the very beginning. Of all the entries, this one elicits the most emotional response. There were several typos and some formatting issues. The spacing is off in certain sections. It helps me to read my entry out loud. You can catch mistakes easier that way. Another thing I did like was describing Nicholas to 1st person POV through Sawyer's eyes. Usually the POV would require he/he's... but using "you" when talking about Nicholas, it kind of gave this entry the feeling that she was sharing talking about it after it happened; kind of like sharing the story with him of their first/significant encounters. Does that make sense? I thought it was unique.
| MileyRowling chapter 1 . 1/21/2014
I really liked how you addressed the prompt. I really like the fact that it was a romance!