|Reviews for The Iron Court|
| Bob Story Builder chapter 26 . 11/16/2015
That was twist I did not expect. I was suspicious but wasn't sure. I felt for Raoul. I wanted to hug him. You wrote a wonderful story with some complex characters and sure that they will get more interesting throughout the series. There was only one thing that got me but you know what that is! Looking forward to new stories from you! You have an original story that was set in an intriguing world that I hope you will share further with us eager readers. Don't stop writing.
| Bob Story Builder chapter 23 . 11/9/2015
I just have one criticism. I understand that Carolina wants to figure out who killed Scarlet, but joining the rebellion is a stretch for me. Plus the other 5 courtesans joining seem to be a sudden character shift. Maybe it has been a while since I read your story and there is development but bit of a jump in my mind. Prince Aldric helping with the rebellion really strains credulity. Great story though! Is there only going to be 26 chapters :(?
| Wendy Thompson135th chapter 1 . 11/8/2015
The dialogue tagged sentences need tweaking. This: "Night, Colton." She replied quietly... . should be "Night, Colton(COMMA)," (NO CAPITAL LETTER HERE.)she replied quietly -so on throughout the text. If you want the grammatical jargon: 'Say' and synonyms of 'say' are transitive verbs and require an object to complete their meaning. When you use a period before the who said it part, that leaves a sentence fragment '...she replied quietly...' to dangle alone. Join them together as in the example.
The paragraphing needs adjusting: A paragraph should hold one, and ONLY ONE, character's thoughts, speech and actions. This is fine: "I don't need Ora when I have the rest of the women in Tenney." Raoul boasted, getting up from the chair and retrieving a stack of letters from the shelf above Colton's desk he had received from women he had only met a few times. He waved them at Colton. They were all unopened, usually given to him before they left an area. There were at least fifteen, and they'd only been working together for six months.
But this bit: Colton raised his eyebrows slightly and turned away. Sometimes he found Raoul loathsome - his arrogance and impulsivity were at times worrying, though Colton believed in him more than a lot of his colleagues did after all the time they had spent working in close-quarters. -should be in a separate paragraph, since the readers' attentions are now on Colton, not Raoul.
(impulsivity is a real awkward non-word. Try to find a better work around: impulsive nature, perhaps. How is R.'s impulsive nature displayed? A short attentions span? never finishing a project? figuring that out first may help with better description.)
| Bob Story Builder chapter 20 . 9/14/2015
I loved Scarlet! Great twist I must admit. Brutal. Just when I learn a lot about Scarlet and wanted the best for her. Didn't see it coming. Great job!
| devyntheauthor chapter 1 . 9/13/2015
I like this a lot! The one issue I have is, towards the end, you have a paragraph telling us about the relationship between two characters. Sometimes we have to do that as writers, but you want to try and do as much showing as you can as far as how these characters get along. Maybe a scene where they are all together and we see how each responds to the other?
However, the ideas here are really neat and I like it so keep up the good work and I hope I was able to help without coming off like a jerk.
| Bob Story Builder chapter 19 . 9/5/2015
Royse knows about Ora...that is not good.
| Bob Story Builder chapter 18 . 8/23/2015
Raoul is starting to remind me of a Salamandastron hare. I don't know who I care for more: Ora or Carolina. Great development!
| Bob Story Builder chapter 17 . 7/21/2015
This was a revealing chapter. Well written.
| Bob Story Builder chapter 16 . 7/17/2015
Well, I love this story. When she refused Owin, that was powerful and effective. The relationships are well constructed and characters wonderfully written. Write on!
| Bob Story Builder chapter 9 . 7/17/2015
I did not expect that meeting with the 'dog wrangler.' Cute chapter.
| lilbabykiwi chapter 1 . 6/21/2014
Pleaseeeeee keep writing! I love it :0