|Reviews for Spectrum Knight|
| TheManicWolf chapter 3 . 3/28
So, here I am for another review ;D
You start the chapter quite nicely, with Hasegawa's perspective. And then straight away, we're put into the fight scene against 'Malus - Canarius the Tenebrous'.
For the chapter as a whole...I can't really say a huge amount involving plot, due to the entirety of it being a boss battle. I will say that your writing 'flows' nicely, and it's easy to read off. Obviously, due to this chapter mainly being based around action, we don't get a lot of characterisation, since all we're getting is the scenario and what's happening. However, I will say that the element of description helps the pacing of the fight scene.
Normally, I'm not really a person who tends to write action - but instead - tends to watch it, in the form of a TV series, anime, movie, etc. I was afraid that this was going to drag on, as I don't associate fight scenes/boss battles with fiction. However, I would say that this chapter doesn't really drag on that much. At some points, it does feel like it's stagnating somewhat, but overall, it does end up being nice to read.
As a matter of the characters so far - I don't really get that much of a feel for them. They seem very promising, and currently, I'd say my favourite characters are Akasuki and Hasegawa. I think when it comes to giving characters personalities, you should make them distinct so that they can be more likeable or easier to relate to. People like Euno and Moriko have the potential to be more than just side-characters who aid our main protagonist in dangerous battles. For that reason, please try to add more characterisation for that aspect! I'm not saying you should rush the addition of this. So far, I think this is a pretty good story, that really could become a great one.
Other than the aforementioned critique, there's nothing much else to say in terms of queries. There are a few grammatical errors here and there, but they can easily be dealt with.
So to end my review, I'll say you left us with a good hook to want more. There is still this mystery which shrouds the so-called Spectrum Knight. I'm looking forward on what happens next.
Good stuff, King :)
| Lily Miichelle123 chapter 3 . 3/24
Totally awesome chapter! I loved it! :) Please write more! By the way, I think Akasuki is my fav character now lol XD
| TheManicWolf chapter 2 . 3/7
I liked how you started your chapter with the description of the coffee-making process. However, it can be argued that you 'overloaded' this simple action, with too much description. The reason being: it seems somewhat unrealistic to portray this procedure with so many steps. The actual making and observations of brewing coffee aren't normally picked up on, once you've gotten up from bed. Normally, you feel quite hazy and half-awake.
The description itself is done very well, though. It's just that it seems a bit overdone, but that's merely my opinion.
Michishige is definitely not your typical nerd :3
It's obvious he's not generic by the way he always addresses himself: "I, Michishige". This already gives a unique and likeable trait about him. The reason he's quite confident, also makes him different to typical nerds in a way. Normally, you'd expect the so-called smart-ass nerd to be shy (especially around girls, like Akasuki). Hasegawa may seemingly shape up to be an interesting character. Though it's hard to say how she'll turn out, since she's not been mentioned that much.
The syntax is mostly correct, though there are some grammatical errors here and there.
- "It didn't long for the scenery to change." Minor slip up here, forgetting to put 'take' between 'didn't' and' long'.
- "She told me to tell you two hello and how you're during."
You could say, "She told me to say hello to you two, and how you're both doing." Not too sure about this sentence though -w-
You've ended this chapter well, leaving it on a cliffhanger of the first boss fight.
There's definitely some solid writing in this
I look forward to reading the next chapter, once you've released it w
| TheManicWolf chapter 1 . 3/1
As I read this story, I'm definitely getting an SAO vibe. Obviously, the premise of your story is quite different, since no one so far, actually dies due to this 'VRMMORPG'. And more prominently, the story involves a certain Spectrum Knight.
Akasuki's our main character; she seems quite likeable and relatable, personality-wise. However, the persona of Akasuki herself, doesn't really seem unique. She seems cold, cocky and that pretty much, seems a bit 'typical' for a certain badass character. Though that's just my personal opinion. And of course, this is only the first chapter. She has plenty of time to develop.
Our other characters, Euno and Moriko, seem promising. Not a lot of characterisation yet, but that's not a large issue. Also, as a matter of opinion, I felt as if the start sort of waffled on a bit. What I mean - is that it kind of dragged on a bit. Normally, if you're starting at a slow pace, try to add more in-depth dialogue, and vivid descriptions to keep readers hooked.
Just a few grammatical errors: I'll pick out one example; 'shoulder-less' and 'finger-less'. You don't need hyphens there.
I have to say that I definitely had a sense of beginning here, which may sound a bit odd. But really - you've given us a nice little sort of prologue, which is definitely a good foundation to build a great story here, in spite of the slow-ish start. I'm also curious about the snippet at the end, showing us the two shady women in Tokyo. Despite the cliffhanger being a little bit cliché for my liking (somehow it feels like that), it was a good way to end the chapter.
All in all, it was still pretty good
| Lily Miichelle123 chapter 2 . 2/25
Very interesting so far(: Please write more :3
| Lily Miichelle123 chapter 1 . 2/25
Great Chapter 1 so far! XD Please write more! X3
| Sepha chapter 1 . 2/23
Let me guess… You like Log Horizon or SAO, as well as The Legend of Zelda? I caught the reference.
To be honest, the first chapter is too slow for my tastes. It seems dragged out a bit too much with explaining the game mechanics and whatnot.
I like the idea, though.
I hereby bestow upon this first chapter three out of five stars.
| Kisho chapter 1 . 2/9
Heyhey, it's Kisho, here to troll... er-hem, review you -v-b
First thing I'll say is this was going to be a oneshot? Gosh, it must have changed a lot in conceptualization xD
Secondly, though, bravo for spinning an overused concept into something new and refreshing! And a very lighthearted feel, especially with our obnoxiously meta lead girl xP
Just going to be my usual self and complain some, though... firstly, I don't really like the first half. It feels like you could really just start with the second half and nothing would be lost, nyah! It's just a slow beginning without much of a hook, and doesn't seem to add anything uvu
Also, I don't like much the way you get overly game-ish with descriptions. Granted yes it is a game, but it still feels extraneous and a little bit silly when you take a moment off to talk about the FMR Battle System-we could see she was moving by creative choice rather than scripted moves-or the details of the sword, when the only important part was that it makes Light skills stronger. If you could find a way to make them flow more naturally into the narration, that would be lovely -v-
Also, your descriptions of people are very jarring, like you just stop and take a break from telling the story to give a list about this person. Describing people without breaking your flow, though, is very challenging... I'd recommend just parsing through books and seeing what they do to describe people, and trying to pick up cues uvub
And one little thing that's bugging me, just in general between all your stories... you tend to write female leads, but, when they play into the narration, they sound like boys. I mean, that's natural since you're a boy, but you could try to investigate more feminine speech if you want to make girl leads... of course, that's a general comment and I don't think it's much of an issue here, because Akasuki definitely seems the boyish type anyway, but you could still add some of the subtlety that girls are typically raised into, to make her a bit more authentic. Stiiill, like I said, more an overall comment -v-
Anyways, I'm picking at too much here, nyah, so I'll spare you now xD Really does seem like a promising beginning, though, nyah, and your prose is getting better all the time! Keep it up, I'm excited to see where you go from here x3
| Sentimental RainCloud chapter 1 . 2/4
Alrighty, here we go, reviewing time.
First things first, nice start, I can see you improved. Everything was interesting and the descriptions weren't too bad. All in all, you set the foundation for the story to be told.
I'm not gonna make this a long review so here comes the CC
Ah, the grammar was still a bit wobbly here and there. The way you used the word "upon" was a bit too repetitive and awkward in most , if not all sentences. It could have been replaced with stronger verbs, but I won't crucify you for that.
Most parts became a bit telly, I don't think it seemed as if I was being shown the game, but told what type of setting the game would have had. Again, not crucifying ya. What I want to see in the future chapter is more development in terms of everything. More natural interactions between characters, and what not.
Thanks for the good read. :P
| Thundy chapter 1 . 1/28
Ah, the nostalgia
I used to be that guy grinding levels and gold all the time...
Jk, I still am u
Some grammar errors here and there, but overall a good start to the story u
| DappledKarma chapter 1 . 1/28
Finally! Not exactly a fan of MMO anime and manga ever since a certain poorly made anime came out, but this was interesting. So far so good. I'm liking Akasuki, can't wait for how she'll challenge the first Malus.
| Black Trinity chapter 1 . 1/28
A VR fic like SAO, only instead of dying when you die ingame, you have to start from the beginning if you die twice?
VERY appealing. Glad I chose to read it.