|Reviews for Tale of the Forest|
| Madcinder chapter 3 . 6/30/2016
The pace is a bit fast, but I suppose that could just be it being kid-driven.
Lily is a good addition to the story, and if she stays the way she is then she'll probably be the main driving force unless Lance changes drastically. Literally dragged him through the chapter. But, you know, considering him, he needs it.
I'm a little curious where her dad is at, though. Anyways... I want to say Lance should get over himself and grow up, but he's eight. We were all stupid at eight.
| Madcinder chapter 2 . 6/30/2016
I get that he's supposed to be cowardly right now, but I think he's being a bit too cowardly. Like, stupid levels of cowardice.
I really don't get the sense that any of the characters introduced so far are of any real importance. I hardly expect his mother to appear again, in all honesty. I'm curious to see what characters might show up, and also whatever is at the center of the forest.
But mostly I'm concerned that the stock characters are all you've got. I'd really like to see more than stock bullies, stock guards, stock mom, and stock bullied main character. We'll see how it goes, but confidence in these characters isn't terribly high.
| Madcinder chapter 1 . 6/30/2016
I'm not sure what to make of this, really. It's not much to go off of.
On the surface, it's fairly interesting, but then the conversational tone hits and it becomes a bit dull. I don't know if there's really a point to this prologue.
| Fox Trot 9 chapter 1 . 6/20/2016
Interesting start... I never really read a story that starts in the 1st and 2nd person... I guess the listener (the unnamed adventurer being talked to) is the reader stand-in for this tale... Very medeivalesque or high medaeval, as far as I can tell... The bard seems to be the character drawing me in, as he's the one that is kinda breaking the fourth wall by addressing the reader directly... Kinda reminds me of that rooster from the old Disney movie, Robin hood... *bricked*
| cmaej chapter 6 . 9/13/2015
Why is everyone in town a massive mess of dicks?
For a moment, I thought the knight was Sedric because they had the same eye color.
Sedric's a bastard...
Are they half brothers? o.O
Probably not. Characters are too minor and dicks for anyone to care.
Back to the question. Why is everyone dicks!?
| SmutPuppy chapter 5 . 9/13/2015
Lance's transition is a bit too fast an unrealistic for my liking. I understand him fighting the wolf. He was in a do or die situation, and adrenaline can be your best friend. Suddenly able to stand up to bullies who have been tormenting him for so long, though... I just think it was kinda cheesy. It was less cheesy when Nathan let loose on him, though. Sedric with a sudden change of heart just because behind Lance fought (ineffectively) back? It takes a lot more to get rid of bullies. I would have loved it if Lily had something up her sleeve for the boys, and Lance can learn from her.
Aside of Lance's personal life, I don't see any other opposition where a "hero" will be needed. Maybe the next chapter.
| SmutPuppy chapter 4 . 9/13/2015
Something tells me Lance hasn't seen the last of that wolf. Good for him, though. That's a moment of redemption for sucking at hide-and-seek so bad. You have anyone idea how vulnerable he is to surprise buttsecks by being so unaware of who's behind him?
Roberts know Sylvester? So that means he and Lily are not magical people? Sadness. ;-;
Boiled turnips is Lance's favorite meal? That poor kid. XD
| cmaej chapter 3 . 9/13/2015
"AAAAAAAHHHHHH!" As he screamed, the bear made a similar noise, frightening the boy into fleeing for his life.
I can't help but imagine the bear and Lance screaming at each other in terror, then fleeing in opposite directions. XD
For a moment, I thought Lily lived in the forest alone; like some sort a female Tarzan. Also thought Lance was being lured to some sort of magical wonderland. Oh well, we seemed to be set in a mundane world...
Wait, fairies are real? I wonder what else lurks in the forest. ;)
| cmaej chapter 2 . 9/13/2015
This is story is dangerously close to the cliche side. Don't get me wrong, it's not bad to have a cliche plot (timid boy becomes fearless hero), but it's not good when the character is boring. Maybe it would be better to let the reader know more about Lance before we discover that he's being bullied. Otherwise, it just feels like a cheap way to gain the reader's sympathy.
It's the same problem with the father's passing. I would like to know how close he and Lance were before he died. Lance's father's death would have had more of an impact.
I'm sorry if I'm coming off as complaining a lot, but the knight... Lance watching Roberts performing something brave would not only have a great opportunity of an action scene, but would have been a lot more realistic than Lance just listening to him lecture another drunken knight. Kids like watching, not lecturing.
| DevilPogoStick chapter 2 . 9/13/2015
Hmm, this is something of a neat start. Lance is seen as a boy whose life with his mother have hit hard times due to the loss of his father. He is bullied from the looks of things near endlessly (really, bunch of punks really) and if it weren't for his mother...This kid would have cracked before this story even started.
Again, the bullies are assholes, nothing more and nothing less, really hope they get more than just a scolding to put them in their places (just me sprouting stuff).
I will admit, some parts do raise a brow as there are moments you shorten details and just go straight to the point. Like Lance's overhearing about the code of knights...It would have been a bit more impactful for us to see how Lance is in awe with the way of knights if we actually hear them from the guard himself. Just saying he heard them doesn't give much omph for me, sorry.
Otherwise, nice work.
Keep up the good work!
| DevilPogoStick chapter 1 . 9/13/2015
huh, I got to admit, it was a little weird of a start (seeing how this is the POV of a bard here whose in fact telling you this tale) but it's a unique one I can say.
Keep up the good work!
| cmaej chapter 1 . 9/13/2015
Well, this prologue is different, but it also feels that's the only reason it is there. I certainly hope that you work with this start in a more entertaining way. Maybe our hero will eventually meet the traveler or bard. Maybe one of them is actually the antagonist. Don't disappoint me, Mical. ;)
| Clear World chapter 8 . 9/13/2015
Oh my god, an aspect of the story that I want to know more. The villiage hidden by the leafs. This entire aspect is something I have been waiting to happen. It feels like something interesting will finally happen. This aspect makes this story call out to me that there is something that will lure me in. Finally.
Saying that... the rest of the chapter is rather meh to me. At this moment, I'm indifferent to Lily-pad's fairytale, or the bookstore owner, or the fact that Lancelot even found his father's dead body.
The arguement between the wolf and Lancelot felt like it could be a lot better, and felt forced to make Lancelot seem right. I found the ending to be way overdramtic and poorly done. It made me roll my eyes more than feeling that emotional punch. It probably had to do with the wolf. On a different note, pretty tame reaction upon learning that's how & who killed his father.
Boy, for a tale about this 'grand hero', I don't really have any investment with Lancelot. He is still a rather 'avarage' character to me. I don't have much of an attachment or invest to him at all. I still feel like I don't even know him, and that's probably my biggest dissapointment with him at the moment. Nothing about Lancelot stands out to me. Even the way he figured out the test was dissappointing to me, discovering about the world, and his reaction to his father's death. But that's just my grief with your main character.
| Clear World chapter 7 . 9/13/2015
So Lily-pad taught the kindergartens how to read. I would have LOVED to see how that way in the actual story. It would really show a side that would make me adore Lily-pad, but instead, I just have to hear about it. So I guess she's a good teacher... somehow? Actually really curious out that unfolded.
Rag's to riches. Hah, more like either princessess or a magical fairy. Either ways, is Lily-pad supposed to be a super sentesive girl? Why is this random bookstore overly concern about not informing Lily-pad in this conversation that he is having with Lancelot. I think she deserves to know as well since she is the one who is attending the feast. Is Lily-pad supposed to be a very senstive girl or something?
Meh to Rapheal and Sedric. I'm guessing there's a just a very strick soical standing in the city, but than, Lancelot doesn't seem to care much about it. Maybe. Not really sure. Eh.
I'm running out of things to comment. I really want to talk about the relationship but they're still not doing much to give me to say other than, "They're still servicable".
| xXxd chapter 1 . 9/12/2015
Does the bard socialises and gets on friendly terms with every kingdom he visits? Getting free services in return for telling tales of heroes, being a walking library sure is wonderful in this world.