|Reviews for Lightning in a Bottle|
| M3rcy chapter 1 . 5/11/2018
That was a terrifying yet brilliant portrayal into an abusive relationship, and the end just gave me chills down my back. Really good read. It was really well written and I honestly thought that it was quite scary in how accurate it portrayed a situation that could happen very much in real life.
The greatest thing about this piece is that the characters felt so real, and it had a basic instinct vibe about it. I actually thought the writing was where this story really shined and how you were able to really delve into the minds of both the victim and the abuser. I just think this was a really well put together story.
It stills my heart the way it ended... I think I just have shock and sorrow overcoming me at once.
I was really routing for Kaylee to be free. But I guess, someone like Levi just wouldn't let that be so.
You should be very happy with this. Keep writing and good job! :)
| Neon.Couture chapter 1 . 2/23/2014
Wow. Tens across the board for this piece. It's amazining, yet sad, and suspenseful all together. The flow of the story was quite intriguing as well. I'm not usually a fan of constant flashbacks, but you have definitely sold it.
| Jitterbug Blues chapter 1 . 2/10/2014
Technique: While I really like how you address the various body parts in relation to how Levi abuses Kaylee, and think that telling the story in segments was a great idea, I will admit this: this is too long for one sitting. It's definitely too long for a review game - I had a huge desire to just skim this because of the overload of information. I guess I shouldn't *talk* about long chapters, but I feel that, in this case, you were going for separate moments/scenes that each told a story, which is why I felt that having everything presented in one go made this piece less effective for me. I honestly think you could have written this entire piece in under a 1000 words, and been just as effective in telling the story. Anyhow, I'd consider breaking this up into separate chapters - especially if you're going to be naming each segment after a body part? But you know it's also likely that I'm just tired, so take this with a grain of a salt. I don't always think that longer one-shots are a bad idea, it just seemed less productive in this case.
Opening: I guess what struck me about the opening was that it was visceral and that your descriptions are very sultry, and kind of frank in a good way. I liked, in a way, how it started off as this quasi-cliche romance novel with all the familiar tropes (good looking guy, the beach and the heroine with the fetish for romance novels). I liked it because it was, in the light of how the plot of this story unfolds, a total deconstruction of what was about to come. I don't know if you did it intentionally, but if you did, it's cool! Only quibble is that some of the sentences felt a bit long in the opening.
Plot: This was partly painful to read, because Levi does everything in his power to humiliate Kalyee as a woman, from slut-shaming to insulting her intelligence. It's ...difficult to get through this, and I think that you've depicted the subject matter tastefully. I 'think', I guess because I've never been exposed to such treatment before, and I can't be a reliable judge as to whether or not this how people would react emotionally to domestic abuse. But I'll give you kudos for addressing it? I guess this piece would be more effective to me, plotwise, perhaps if you told less, and only let us hint at her emotional state, but that's really a personal taste thing. What I did appreciate about this story, in all honesty, is that you didn't shy away from addressing such a painful topic in a very honest manner.
Writing: I think this story could have been a lot shorter and written with far less 'telling', and been far more effective, in my opinion. But that's because I just prefer slice of life fics to be told this way. Anyhow, regardless of that, I do like the writing: it gets a bit long, sentence-wise, but you have nice passages here and there that demonstrate that you're good at description and imagery. I just think the writing in this piece particularly could have been a bit more poignant/sharper but maybe I just really felt *overwhelmed* by the length of this ): You definitely have a nice writing style though!
| Rumors of War chapter 1 . 2/8/2014
This is really good, very edgy, a slow build-up to desperation it really held my attention. Poe, you've got a sharp style of writing, it's also given me insight as to how girls think.