|Reviews for What I've Been Looking For|
| diverselove chapter 1 . 8/17/2015
You seem to have the same problem that I tend to have with my writings and stories. That's mainly grammer and structure of the story. Besides that, I think this story is wonderful and you have a lovely plot here. I hope you keep writing as it is the only to improve those grammer mistakes that appears. Don't give up! Fighting! 싸움!
| Ginny chapter 1 . 4/2/2014
Too many errors.
| SHAZAmayMINIx chapter 2 . 3/21/2014
this story was amazing and I love reading stories about relationship's with parents and children
| Seraphin Shadowmoon chapter 2 . 3/23/2014
Oh... wow... modern day arranged marriage, AWSOME!
The writing style seems a bit rushed but it is enjoyable and the thought process seems to jump around to the conclusions though it is realistic in structure but then again I usually drag out my stories for drama so It may just be my preference but in all honesty I really like where this is going and eagerly await the next chapter .
(I stick all stories I watch for chapters on my favorites bar so don't think I ain't watching if I don't hit the follow button)
| friendlyfringe chapter 1 . 3/22/2014
You have a good start,but...
Take the time to think about the reader. Write what the reader will enjoy, not what you, the writer, enjoys. You might want to consider getting a beta reader. You have the basis of a wonderful story that sounds like it will be nice to read, but it needs better construction.
If the program you use to write does not have spell check the use your email. I use wordpad, which doesn't have spell check, so I go to my email, hit compose new mail, copy and paste it all, and correct any basic spelling mistakes.
| Ribug2000 chapter 2 . 3/22/2014
Okey, so first off, I really like your story. The writing is good and I like the detail. I'm not really a big fan of the hole "celebrity" thing, but the plot line is still good. I'm more of a geek-nerd 'cause thats the kind of family I'm from and my friends are all the same. Thats probably why I'm not a fan of the celebrity thing. But what really sold be on this story, was the whole arranged married. It's kind of nostalgic for me 'cause two of my first anime's had that aspect in it. However, by no means was that the only thing good in this story. I f a book doesn't have good writing its really hard for me to get trough it. I have an appreciation for the way that you have this much talent and your not that much older than me. I really look up to people like that. Remember theres always room to improve, and i think you'll be great at that. Also, never put up with people saying things like that to you. I have three friends at school, that have been some of my closest friends since I was little. But the only thing is, their really mean to me. One of the biggest problems was that they called my writing "crap". I had showed it to them because they are my friends and well, they should support me. All i had out at the time were the first three chapters of my story Clarice Goldkeeper and the Golden Stopwatch. It lowered my self-esteem by a lot. I stopped writing for months. However, I have a really good friend that I've known since i was practically an infant. She told me that she loves my story and I shouldn't put up with the crap my friends give me and keep writing, because well, she knows i put my hart and soul into my stories and writing helps me get through my problems. Considering she wants to be a writer and she was the one who inspired me to write in the first place, i couldn't let her words go. I took them to hart and did what she said and told them i was not going to put up with it anymore, and if they wanted to still be my friends then they had to stop. So, i continued writing an decided the best thing to do would be to improve my writing little by little. So I know how it feels to be tormented about your writing, But your writing is so good for someone your age it made me want to cry of joy. I wish I could do as good as you. I think you should keep writing, keep getting better, and fi you still feel bad about it, work on original plot line, and make the person who said those things to you gawk at the fact that you've surpassed them! So you can just say! "In your face!" However, in your next story, in order to show them that you are awesome! You must create all original characters make them lovable, funny, give them their moments, their detailed and sad backstories, the aspects that you cant relate to them in some way, and incredible character growth! Its soooooooo much more easier said than done, but to get this person back, you should try! Because its sounds to me like they were only upset at the celebrity aspect. I mean! Who could hate such an amazing writing style! Keep trying and good luck!
| Aryal Mercy Stone chapter 2 . 3/22/2014
Nice plot. Well written, a few errors here and there (try to ease up on the use of exclamation points) I like the character of Casey. Keep it up.
| Luna Sylv chapter 2 . 3/21/2014
it's good. Needs a bit more description but it's really good.
| Harmony Valenka Smith chapter 2 . 3/21/2014
This chapter is significantly better than the last chapter as far as grammar goes, but there are still a ton of mistakes. I would check through and fix them since some readers see the mistakes and it distracts them from the story. I think it is progressing pretty good and I'm curious about what will happen next, so that is very good. Keep doing what you do ;)
| The Littlest Mouse chapter 1 . 3/8/2014
This is a rehashing of Star Struck, and Camp Rock , there's nothing original here. You need to work on grammar, and you need to find some techniques for writing. I suggest using more figurative language. Also, I'm glad you like this story. That's one of the most important things you can do as a writer, make yourself happy. However, this is basically stolen work. Putting it here on Fictionpress and calling it your own is plagiarism. I suggest you move it to and label as a crossover between the two movies. It'd be a shame if you deleted it because it has the makings of a good fanfiction, just not a good original fiction.
If you want to write something on here and call it yours I suggest you read more good fictions on here as INSPIRATION and use that inspiration to create something ORIGINAL. Use your own characters, your own plot, and TRY to create your own technique.
| Raiha Laf Qyaza chapter 1 . 3/8/2014
Hey, Raiha is here reviewing and reaching out. I think I still can't really say anything due to how this is only the first chapter and stuff. But here's something I'd like to say.
First, in every convos, it ends with a dot or coma. E.g. "Like a homeless person." and "I don't want your stupid passes," I said etc etc.
And, the question mark! It's 'Wait a second, Nick Jonas? Arranged marriage?'
That's about it, I guess. I truly am sorry if you find this annoying and bothering, but I think the cleaner you write, the more people are going to take you seriously. And in every dialog of two people, it tends to confuse the readers when you don't really describe who says what.
That's all, I guess. I expect reviews from you too, hahaha.
I'd be glad to help out more, best of luck to you!
| daennika chapter 1 . 3/7/2014
Not gonna lie. You wrote a review to my story two minutes after I've uploaded the first chapter and then you begged me to read yours, even though I stated that I'm not interested in this specific genre of "fiction".
Well, here's my honest review: I didn't like it. It looks like the fantasy ramblings from a teen's fangirl diary. The narrative is poor, the first-person perspective does little not to make us think it's not author self-insertion, and if you had to type "Someone's POV" after five lines it means you obviously don't read much proper fiction.
You want to publish something? Actually learn to write something that is worthy of being read by thousands of people. You haven't a single clue of who is out there potentially able to ruin your will to ever write again.
Next time you try to get reviews from other writers, make the effort to read their own material and then look at your own story: does it compare in any way? Will that other person even want to read my stuff? Do I need more positive encouragement or should I take a hard look in the mirror and do some real work?
NOT your friend. Please never contact me again.
| Harmony Valenka Smith chapter 1 . 3/7/2014
Good start. I would go through and check it over since I found a lot of errors, but it is a compelling start. I'm personally not a Nick Jonas fan, but it will be interesting to see how this turns out. Also, the idea has kinda been done with the movie Starstruck (Disney). Also, instead of putting words in all-caps to emphasize them, use Italics. That's the proper way to do it since all-caps is only used when someone is shouting at a very high volume. Definitely fix the grammar. I'm not being mean, but the errors were almost distracting from the story so... yeah, get that fixed, please. I do genuinely like it pretty good so far and I hope you don't consider this a shoot down, I'm just trying to help you improve. Keep me posted on the status of the story though ;)
| EllieBloodStain chapter 1 . 3/1/2014
It's good :) I don't have an account on here so...
| shakes8 chapter 1 . 3/1/2014
I have a few critiques:
-This would be better if it wasn't a celebrity. Make up a new character.
-Casey sounds kind of juvenile, more like she's 12 or 13 than sixteen.
-She says she doesn't put a lot of effort into her appearance when she clearly does.
-Don't have her explain her whole back story in the beginning. Show don't tell. Let the reader figure it out as they go along.
-Don't switch points of view so often. It gets confusing.
-Overall, your grammar/punctuation could use some work.
With, some work, this could be really great! Glad I could help you.