|Reviews for Beat|
| Kicks-and-Giggles chapter 1 . 3/16/2014
Your ideas are always so very interesting! I love your writing style (as always) - and this one's so unique from Convicts' Blood, too. The dialogues really fit with the feeling of a post-apocalyptic world and two poor guys who don't have much education, it seems like. I also like how this scene was very superficial - just showing their condition and not trying to make it into anything yet. We got a glimpse of their world and we're left to decide for ourselves how we feel about it. We don't even get the characters' opinions yet and there's something unsettling about that (like the boys are both used to the world around them and have no opinion about it... they're just minding their own business). Very well-written!
I have to admit I'm not sure how I feel about this being the *first* chapter, though. It's interesting because I can see a movie start like this - cans cluttering around, two boys digging through an abandoned house and having this odd conversation about what to sell and the barracks and stuff. But in terms of a story...? I don't know, maybe I'm old-fashioned in thinking that a clear(er) set-up of the world and setting and character backgrounds would have been more enjoyable? Then again, not getting that clear set-up means I'm just interesting in finding out the details (which means I'm interested in reading more)! So... definitely on the fence about that, but I trust your most excellent judgment! :) Looking forward to more!
| lookingwest chapter 1 . 3/12/2014
Yeah, I really like that this is focusing on a really tight scene - I mean, there's multiple scenes with some very minimal transitional lines (I also liked that minimalist style of transitioning) but overall this whole chapter's theme is really tight because it's all about finding objects to sell. So I really like how it has that quality. And I say chapter because I noticed you don't have this as "Completed" - so is this the first chapter to a novel? I think it could even work as a short story if you were thinking in that route too - but either way I really liked the subtle mystery of the world-situation too. The mention of the soldiers and the faintest concepts of people having to flee their homes and others coming in to steal the stuff and sell it all contributes to an air of apocalyptic implications.
I like how this also focused on only two characters. At first I was a little skeptical about the minimalist style in the opening because I kind of had to get my bearings on who was speaking the first line and if we were in limited omniscient or omniscient, but I sort of liked plunging right into things and I think it straightens itself out even before we get the narrative mention of Tom's name. The narrative adjusts nicely to him, but it's still restrained enough where we don't really know what he's thinking until he speaks his dialogue, and the last sentence really rings true to an omniscient perspective in a unique way. I think the last line was a favorite of mine. That and the ending bit with "sun" and the book.
Per usual, your dialogue always dazzles me, haha. I could never write dialogue in the way you're writing it. I have to ask - have you read a YA book called Blood Red Road? It's the first book in a series called Dustlands. If you have not read this book, YOU HAVE TO READ IT! I think you would REALLY like it, and it does similar things with style and even your dialogue style. Check it out! Lovely piece here though - or so far if it turns out to have more than one chapter! You've already delved us in to quite a curious world :3 Thanks for the read!
| Jitterbug Blues chapter 1 . 3/11/2014
Hmm, interesting piece you got there: very understated and leaving a lot of questions raised. I liked it, I must say - especially the writing style. It's very light and natural, especially in terms of dialogue. I also think it keeps you reading, because of those elements.
I like the understated quality of this piece too. Sure I've got questions, but that's what strikes me as memorable about this. I feel like I need to get back to this story, and re-read to see what kind of clues I miss (and ponder over those I got). I think this piece has a cool atmosphere to it, with a certain Steinbeck ring to it.
I like that :3
| Siroc chapter 1 . 3/10/2014
Your dialogue was very intersting because it provided strong character for the two men, but I didn't feel like it was post apocalyptic like you said. The way they talked seemed older than the present, like maybe it was the 1800s instead. That doesn't make sense to me because even if they were not educated like we are today, the language would continue to evolve into a new slang instead of going back to an old one. And this was a good start to a story but I couldn't tell if this was a complete story or if there is more to it. It felt like an opening scene to a long story but the ending didn't seem to lead to a solid next chapter so maybe this is the whole story? If that's so, the summary promises more of a plot than the story has which confused me.
| freddyburn chapter 1 . 2/17/2014
I like the two brothers because they are likeable, and to anyone who has brothers, relatable. Overall, they seem like reliable narrators.
I like the world you have presented thus far, because it raises my curiosity as to what happened to put the brothers in this situation. I want to continue reading the story because of the details you have presented.
| Ventracere chapter 1 . 2/17/2014
Nice beginning you have going for you. You are pretty consistent with how your characters talk, and I'm curious as to why one character talks more brokenly than the other. As of now, you have established that both men are independent, scavenging to survive in a deserted world. My only thing with this chapter is your transitions from morning to day. The first one in beginning when you have one brother woken up by the other. Then he shuts his eyes and slides back into sleep. Then he wakes up again, and it's morning. I think you can smooth it along better, since right now it's a little bit of a jump. I also enjoyed your ending, with how you have the poignant word "Sun" that I feel like will be a clue for the later chapters.
Good job! :)
| alltheeagles chapter 1 . 2/16/2014
For the RG EF ('owed' review)
I like how you show that the setting is 'real world' yet not normal through the brothers' situation - the mention of jeans and cardboard boxes tells us that this isn't a fantasy or alien world, but the mention of abandoned houses, moldy rags and broken furniture indicates that this isn't a comfy sunny world either. I also like your dialogue, which portrays the kind of characters that the brothers are - rough but resourceful, not emotional but close to each other. However, I find the use of the word 'chapped' a little out of place - it hardly seems a word that guys would use in general. Maybe 'cracked' or 'peeling'?
| harrisonmarks chapter 1 . 2/16/2014
Ok, what I like and what I dislike.
I like how your imagery sets up the world the brothers are living in, because you don't try to cram the fact that the world is crappy down people's throats, you let the imagery do it for you.
What I disliked. I disliked how you wrote the brothers speaking because it was difficult to read. I understand you were trying to do their accents, but it interrupted the flow of the story.