Reviews for Life is a box of chocolates (Anthology)
Hedonistic Opportunist chapter 6 . 6/7/2014
I thought this was a very interesting piece - very, very different from your usual style, but quite beautifully so. I'm not going to make this review long, but I want to capture what I thought of it. First of all, I really like the writing: it's more detailed than what you usually pen, but it's *good*, adding a layer/web of complexity to this piece, and making it very vivid that, I think, sets this piece very nicely apart from your other works. It has atmosphere, for one, that is already inherently creepy from the beginning, what with the Picker inspecting the future consorts like animals, and there is a sense of doom apparent from the beginning :D I really dig that; it makes the piece very lovely to read – and I want to re-read.

What I really like though is the social commentary behind all the consort-picking and what-not: you clearly addressed the prompt by making it obvious as to what an awful society this is; it’s a society that is forced to sell of children to please a demon who cannot help killing. He is tragic, but what about those poor youths? (And yes, I noticed ‘The Hunger Games’ similarities :D). I really like that you addressed those issues, even if indirectly, because it just makes the horror surrounding this piece all the more gripping.

I also like the plot itself – because it’s quite complex for such a short piece. The woman/narrator might be smart, might have guessed that the Picker was the one she was ‘destined’ for, but she never could guess what his true nature was. I do like, though, that she fell in love with the man, and that he spared her, because he did not want to kill her (though, he still took her virginity the night before). Anyhow, I really liked the darkness of this piece, loved the various scenes (especially the ‘slashy’ scene :D), and must say that I wish you all the best :D
Jitterbug Blues chapter 5 . 6/7/2014
I didn't mind the sad ending at all - it only enhanced the beauty of this piece. I enjoyed that the sadness was bittersweet: the couple died together, unified by their love and affection. Dying together was definitely romantic in a very morbid way.

I liked the emotion in this piece, very tangible and gripping. I definitely could relate to the anguish of the narrator - her desire to save her loved one and mourning what they could have had.

I liked the different techniques you used, ranging from italics to mashed words. It made all the different voices in this fix discernible from each other :)
LuckycoolHawk9 chapter 4 . 5/14/2014
I like the way you ended this piece because it leaves the reader guessing who else had hurt this man in his life and leaves a sense of mystery. I also liked that the main character was obsessed with a man and cuts it off because it shows the human side of this man. I also liked that we get to know legacy98 through the chat because it shows his character beautifully contrasted the main character and his beliefs. He is everything that the main character can't be. I however disliked the first scene transition because it was confusing, I thought that you did a character change. Otherwise, great read!
faerie-gumdrops chapter 4 . 5/13/2014
Hi Eagles! I always seem to end up loving your one shots - think this is no exception. I really liked the way you dealt with the prompt in such a unique way. Burning bridges with online friends. I liked how you explored the feelings you can have between two people who don't even know eachothers names - a strange sort of place where chats about tv shows/books define a relationship.

I felt sorry for both these guys I think - OneCent for being so lonely and bored at home that he's almost become addicted to this online life of invented personas, and legacy obviously for feeling bad about something that seems pretty minor - and for being lured into this fake friendship with this 'girl'. Our girls I guess :p. Legacy at the end seems quite sweet and, given OneCent's reaction, I wonder what Cent is *actually* upset about. He seems fairly childish (I know he worries about this in the beginning) and hypocritical, but I guess this is all his life *is* so having it wibbled is bound to provoke a reaction.

I liked the Click thing, particularly when you compared it to a snapping bone - so morbid! The only cc I think was that there were bits that were a little wordy 'he didn't want to think of himself as being childish' is pretty much the same as 'he didn't want to be childish', no? And in the smexy bit I initially thought you'd popped into legacy's head - maybe just reword the first sentence there to make it clear that OneCent thinks legacy's blond (or at least makes him that way in his head).

Good luck in the Wcc! I really liked this :)
MyHeart's4Above chapter 4 . 5/13/2014
That was very well written, written in a different way and perspective than I am used to. There are some descriptions that I really enjoyed, like the PacMan reference to gobbling up words on the screen, as well as the click, like a metallic menace of a loaded gun. There are many more, but you describe the same old actions in a new and refreshing way.

I liked the back and forth conversation/banter/disagreements between the two characters a lot. The beginning, where the main guy was musing over what type of responses to give and whether they would be either smart-alecky, or sarcastic, or lighthearted and jokey, I enjoyed that. I liked the workings of his mind, very intricate, detailed, and smart.

Good job!
GossamerSilverglow chapter 4 . 5/12/2014
The chatting between legacy98 and the narrator was very easy to follow. It’s a good technique that allows you to not have to point out who is saying what. I’m use to the formatting because of HtF, so I can’t really comment on how a reader would react who is ‘not’ use to your style though. Fantasies are the sign of a sick mind? Hmm, I could see how some people, the narrator in particular, could think that. So this guy pretends to be different genders online or just different all together? Whatever helps you get through the day, in my opinion. Some people drink, some smoke, some write, but at the end of the day, if it doesn’t physically harm an individual or take away autonomy then what’s the problem?

All the same, this was a lot more depressing than I anticipated.

OneCent, in my opinion, has nothing to be ashamed of. He wasn’t hurting anyone by pretending to be someone else. If this kid got his feelings hurt, that’s his problem. It’ll make him tougher when he has a real live ‘I can touch you’ kind of relationship. OneCent didn’t get emotionally involved right? He just has an internet fantasy role-playing addiction is how I understood it.

Maybe I have low morals when it comes to this stuff but there’s a sense of non-realism when it comes to the internet. Also, it very obviously started off as a game when OneCent offered to pretend to be M because legacy98 busted a nut over M being in a thong. Again, if emotions got involved on legacy98’s part that’s his problem and OneCent’s reaction to run away was actually an adult and caring thing to do considering he’s twenty-seven and legacy98 is sixteen. He knew nothing could legally happen between them so he stopped… I hope I’m not misinterpreting this.

Okay so I went back and reread it. OneCent did get emotionally involved. He was hurt, or so he said… because of legacy98’s what you call it? Inability to say he cares for him. Okay, I’m confused. This might be a little too deep for my miniscule brain. So, I was gonna delete half of this review because I’d formed the wrong conclusions, but I decided to share anyhow, because that was my initial first impression before rereading it. I think I may have gotten legacy98 and OneCent mixed up in the emotional department initially.

One more stab: so he’s a twenty-seven year old virgin trying to make a connection but is ashamed because in order to do so he changes so much of his monotonous life to accommodate the likings of another person or perhaps just to make himself more interesting? Pft. That made my head hurt.

After all of that, all I keep thinking about is how can he ‘not’ like Naruto. I’m done.

Voted.
Persevera chapter 4 . 5/11/2014
This is very well written. The imagery is such a vivid way of looking at things that we see without noticing everyday, such as icons on the screen.
Legacy98 sounds like an interesting kid and if he really is sixteen, then that's what he is.
OCS could have a lot more to worry about than just being caught on company resources for personal use.
I feel sorry for him but in the end had he really learned anything, or will he be just as pathetic with the next boy or man?
The different associations for Click was a great way to show how much of themselves, how many feelings, someone might be willing to reveal to a stranger, rather than the people in the adjoining cubicle.
tstul006 chapter 4 . 5/8/2014
Ugg... I think I'm to high on allergy meds. I just reread my review and it was so minimum I'm ashamed. So here is some added stuff.

So now that I've reread it. I'm wondering if OneCent is just a lonely guy or a perv. I mean he didn't seem pervy, but then why lie about himself the way he did.

Legacy just seemed like a normal teen boy though. I never liked teen boys even when I was a teen girl... TMI I know lol. Seriously though he was with this M girl but flirting online with OneCent the funny thing is it wouldn't be something that I'd care about now that I'm an adult but if my BF had done it when I was a teen I would have cried like a baby... oh the things that change as we grow.

Oh another thing I like was the consistance of the CLICK. It was a simple way to tie the story together without being overly cheesy...

Okay, now that's better. Sorry, I'm blaming the meds.

Tst.
tstul006 chapter 4 . 5/8/2014
Wow... give me a moment to process.

This was great. I like the way you did the format for the IM. It was a lot less confusing than ones I've read before where they are like

Princess99: blah blah.
dude69: blah blah

Really your way is a lot easier to follow.

I really felt sorry for Legacy. He thought he was talking to a girl and he'd really just fallen for a guy. Really OneCent you should be ashamed of yourself... I guess that was sort of the point though.

I liked the mention of Sherlock. It's funny to me that that was what they fought about. Wow... (ah to be young again.)

I think the ending was really poetic. Seriously envisioning a candle going out. Anyway great little piece. Maybe I'll vote for you. :)

Tst
RG Ef.
Ridely chapter 4 . 5/7/2014
I have a hard time trying to figuring out who's I'm following in this story, but I think it's whoever's not legacy98? And who is this mysterious 'she' is, or maybe I'm just slow or something. What I like about this is the CLICK part of the story, as it gives the reader something to focus on and changes meaning though out the story. The story is very poetic and well written. I didn't find any errors straight out of the gate. I liked this online/unknown thing you have going on here. Good job!
deadaccount2019 chapter 4 . 5/6/2014
.Probably the biggest drawback of the story is that I had trouble figuring out if M was supposed to be a net persona for OneCentShort, or if she was an off-screen character. I tried rereading the story without legacy's part, but it didn't really help to clarify the matter, since the third part seens to have a different voice from the first (although it's possible this was intentional to showcase differences in mood).

I loved the online friendship theme. It's been a long time since I dealt with the drama that can come with it, but I think you really captured the essence of how such friendships/relationships can devolve when one grows selfish or the other reaches their limit. The exchanges between OneCent and legacy really emphasize the damage from whatever pushed OneCent to his breaking point, but by keeping the cause a bit obscure there's a sense of not wanting to lose the better days. Overall it just felt very realistic and relatable.
lookingwest chapter 4 . 5/5/2014
Truth: I got a little confused on the perspectives in this story. I couldn't really tell who was narrating. For instance, I thought that legacy89 was the narrator in the 2nd scene, but by the end of that scene it felt like the OneCent person was actually the narrator. Sometimes I got a little muddled in your pronoun use since both of them are "he" and I'm pretty sure you might switch back and forth... though I dunno, the majority of the story seems to be told from OneCent - hope that's right.

Besides some of that narrative confusion, I do like your themes because I think on a website like this it fits really well with a lot of your readers. I'm sure many of us can relate to having that online friend or being part of a fandom, and it's rare I see slice of life pieces like this, so I admire the subject-tackling, for sure.

I also thought you did a good job interpreting the prompt in a unique fashion. I mean - you pretty much do take the prompt face-on without much deviation figurative-wise, BUT I think you frame it really uniquely with the use of the online friendship, which was something I hadn't expected. So I enjoyed the way you interpreted it through a relationship that was one built without even seeing each others faces. Very cool.

The technique of using "click" was something I liked because of how you followed it up with some figurative language - metaphor and simile. Those were some great little moments and really gave the technique of using "click" an extra punch. I also thought it was nice that you clearly depicted what was being said online through the chat and email.

The characters felt very relatable, like someone everyone might know, which is another thing I liked about this piece. The ending felt like it made sense with the opening and how OneCent felt about legacy. I wasn't surprised (in a good way) by their character development, and I liked to see that shift. It left me thinking that perhaps OneCent had made the right decision, and ending on the flame imagery was also another nice nod to the prompt.

Overall - best of luck on this month's WCC!
IAmButAWindow chapter 4 . 5/4/2014
D:
Everyone's favorite laborious Window here, back for a small time for another review.

This was poetic, confusing, and...pretty cool. I'm not sure if I grasped the little story line going on. Something about a guy pretending to be a girl and making an online friend? Something like that. What? :P Maybe an explanation will come one day.

Either way, I loved the repetition with the 'click'. And each time there was a 'click' it meant something different. It was the same sound with a thousand different meanings. That was pretty cool. :)

That said, it was a bit confusing. You described things fine, I guess. I'm just a bit of an idiot, so it was hard for me to get a grasp. XD They were both running from each other? Just one? They were both sorry? What had happened? Something with a TV show? I had to look up the acronyms. I don't TV much. :D

Nice imagery. Nice poetry. It was really pretty. :)
ButAWindow
Ventracere chapter 4 . 5/4/2014
"Spastic convulsion" - you know, I've never thought of it this way, but. Nice. That's one fancy way of putting it, haha. It made me smile.

Well, first things first. The little bits and pieces of books and allusions that you mention here and there had me smiling. No kidding, I was pretty much grinning like a fool, but it was cool. That said, I think as a whole, this chapter kind of rings with something other than just a click of a gun, a tap of a mouse. Your metaphors and similes were something I thought were brilliant. In terms of everyday fic, you don't get to see that too often, so when I come across something written like this, it makes me extremely happy. The conversation between the two people, OneCentShort and Legacy98 was interesting. It's kind of like the "dying sigh" you end with from the beginning. That said, the ending wraps everything up as well as opens things up a little. At least for OneCentShort. It gives him one thing less to fixate on, but it ends the chapter. Just like how the smoke of the "pretty little candle flame" wafts away.

Best of luck in the WCC!
RafaelDelaCruz chapter 4 . 5/4/2014
I liked how your choice of words in this bit, really fit the whole emo theme of the story (sorry, I got a little used to your odd techy jargon in All of Him). And, nice job on the theme. I've seen many stories about friendship, but with this piece, you showed that people can be best of friends even if they were continents apart (and still I cannot get over the message in the last part). Anyway, good story.
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