|Reviews for Imagine|
| zzz4730 chapter 1 . 2/24/2017
This is so moving. I appreciate you for recognizing what the military does and I want to thank you for this amazing poem.
| DarthMihi chapter 1 . 3/26/2014
Very challenging material to take on here. I think you handled it respectfully. You never painted your images in bright colors, but they were clearly defined, and we knew exactly what you were talking about. You called us to imagine, and left some things to our imagination as the reader in your images. It's quite brilliant, actually. I think that was possibly more effective than being very bold and dark about the suffering and sadness you portray here. Huzzah for subtlety. This is kind of like one of those old pictures in sepia. Nothing in very high contrast, but the image is still clear, and the lightness of it gives it a sort of peace.
A very nice continuity between stanzas. They all portray the same underlying message, which you bring out in the last couple stanzas as a call to remember and be thankful. Very powerful way to conclude. And the recurring word/title all contribute to grounding the many images you present us.
As far as actual construction of the poem, I think there was room for improvement, but my sister writes very complicated and flowy form poetry, so I have high standards. I know how hard it is though, that's why I typically don't write poetry.
I once read that words are a machine for magic. Each word of a poem fits together with the others to create something. Some poems are made of tiny, intricate gears, all turning together to create and image or sensation in the reader's mind. Other poems are made from more common place, functional gears, and do not create such a precise image/sensation because they leave more for the reader to do. This poem's words are not particularly precise, which means it takes more work for the reader to get at the idea you're presenting. Words like 'sad', 'friends', 'care' ect. Are all common-place, vague words, so readers get a less clear picture of what you're trying to say when you use them. Try to be more precise in the images/sensations you paint with words, and your poems will leave more impact with the reader.
I took a course on poetry and how to write it, so that's where most of this is coming from. It's not just me spouting my theories.
This poem reminded me to be thankful in a new way, so you definitely have some impact. You have a great idea here, and wonderful continuity throughout, I just think the idea could be expresses more clearly, and then have even more impact on your readers, which, since you did post it on here, I assume is your point.
I hope this was helpful ,and not too vague, or discouraging. Neither were my intent.
But overall, yay for rhyming/metered poetry, and do keep going, oh one who is courageous enough to write poetry in the first place!
| LuckycoolHawk9 chapter 1 . 3/26/2014
I loved the imagery of this poem because it nade the poem more powerful and meaningful. It made me feel for all the characters. I also liked The rhymes every other line because it helps make the first and third line stand was an awesome read, totally worth it.
| VortexHatter chapter 1 . 3/25/2014
Hello! :) Sorry if this review is small. I am still working with writing reviews better. But I mean every word!
Oh dear...you made me cry. This is simple beautiful. I have never read much poetry but you have just changed that. How you wrote this I will never know. Everything just rhymed perfectly. *sighs* lol. I am now jealous at your ability to write beautiful poetry. :)
Congrats on being picked! ( I totally understand why you got picked!)
| Midorima Kazunari chapter 1 . 3/23/2014
Wow, that's deep and beautiful. While the imagery makes me think immediately of a physical war, this could be just as easily a mental war - like a person fighting depression and thoughts of suicide. There are fantastic layers in this poem that can be played with and interpreted by the reader as well as your initial meaning. I especially enjoyed the stanza that begins: “Imagine never knowing.” I think that’s a primal image that everyone deals with in times of stress.
Congratulations, MWAC, on being the SAtC for the week. I'm honored to have read your very personal writing and I look forward to reading more.
| JasmineRaven chapter 1 . 3/23/2014
Hi Meagan! Congratulations on being picked for this weeks SAtC! You definitely deserved it.
This poem is just beautiful! It rhymed and flowed really nicely too. I thought the repetition of the word "imagine" was quite effective too. This poem is also a really emotional one. I love how you've started of with something positive and joyful (eg. A newborn, a new bride, being in a field) and then suddenly that positive image became something sad and depressing (eg. Never knowing his Dad, being killed in war, a young solider not making it to his wedding day). Overall, I think the poem allows readers to feel that sense of loss. I was able to imagine being that child saying goodbye to their dad, not realising it would be for the last time.
Well, I've scanned this poem over and over for some kind of mistake to point out, and was unable to find any. So either I am blind or your writing is flawless.
A beautiful, touching, well written poem Meagan! Well done! Keep up the wonderful writing :)
| SoulsandSwords chapter 1 . 3/23/2014
First of all, I love the anaphora you used in this story. This seems like it was inspired by John Lennon's 'Imagine', but in a less religious and more moral and realistic tone. This story can only be described in a grieving tone, if I had to give my opinion. Even when people move on, there's the trouble of what comes ahead in life, how their child will grow up, how their families will mourn over the years.
It's like you've experienced this yourself. And you give the audience a truly empathetic point of view.
| TheMockingbird13 chapter 1 . 3/23/2014
This is beautiful. You brought tears to my eyes.
I love the simplicity of the whole piece, and how you bring such a powerful effect on the reader in only a few words. You described the circumstances. You never described the pain or hurt, instead, told us to imagine it.
You broke my heart right off the bat in that first paragraph. "Imagine watching your dearest friends being killed in the ruins of war." That's so sad. So terribly sad. It hurt even more to know that it's true.
The theme behind this is really beautiful. Even though it's a really sad poem, we do need to remember the horrors and sorrows of war.
I'm pretty impressed that you've managed to get this to rhyme, AND managed to leave a really lasting impression in just 8 small paragraphs. That's pretty hard to do.
I'll try to choose a favorite line, but this will be very hard. Every single one of them broke my heart all over again. Hmm... I think I actually like the second paragraph best.
The ending paragraph was perfect. I'm really terrible at endings, but you pulled it off quite nicely. You didn't follow the layout of the other verses, but you kept the same rhythm. Sort of. It's a nice ending, and it makes you feel sad inside. And a little warm inside too, because it helps you remember how very lucky you are. And I especially like how the last verse was just "Imagine..." It brings the poem full circle.
Keep up the great work! :)
| NeoMiniTails chapter 1 . 3/9/2014
This is powerfully written. I love the strong words of imagination you used... I could envision each word that you said with clear and decisive vision, and it broke my heart.
There were some real heartbreakers here:
Imagine if you were a small child saying goodbye to your dad,
Imagine never saying hello again,
how your world would become so sad.
(That line really touched me)
Also this line:
Imagine a new bride awaiting her special day,
Imagine a young soldier who didn't make his way.
((That scene is so beautiful and sad. It shows how much war affects those not just in it, but those waiting for them at home))
You've done an amazing job on this and congratulations on getting first place. You deserved it. Haha.
Until Next Time,