|Reviews for Guardians|
| Kim chapter 6 . 5/1/2014
Ok, this is my new favorite chapter. It's just full of a bunch of awesome little details that come together really perfectly. I didn't feel like I had a good understanding of what Geneva's personality and motivations were before this chapter, but now she's one of my favorite characters.
I keep saying that, but right now everyone's tied for Favorite Character in my eyes. Maybe because of the switching point of views. I usually don't like that in a story because I'm an idiot and it confuses me, but all of the characters have their own unique voice so I never get confused when it switches POV. I feel like the switching points of view really adds to the story. You get to see what each character is thinking and going through, and how they view the other characters around them. Idk, it just really works for me.
And even more than the really funny bits with her sickness and the frost everywhere, I really liked hearing about her relationship with her mother and why she's so interested in the Guardians. But I'm curious: has she ever made the connection between the Main Three's powers and the powers she and her sister have? I guess she never made the connection since they all think that Madilia doesn't have any powers.
I also like how the sister's personalities all play off each other's. They're all so different, but the way the talk to each other is so natural. They tease each other and argue, but they still care for each other and crap. That sounds kinda mushy, but yeah.
And speaking of caring for each other, when am I gonna get to see Geneva and Besnik in a room together again :(
P.S. I hate myself for it, but I had to go listen to "Let it Go" after finishing this chapter :P
| thugdere-extraordinaire chapter 5 . 4/12/2014
A new chapter entirely from Madilia's POV! Yay!
- Obviously, the fact that it's from Madilia's POV. I actually like her a little more than Geneva. lol
- Longer length. THIS is a good length for chapters. Keep it up.
-The dynamic between Madilia and Pranvera is really nice. You don't get to see a lot of positive female relationships in YA literature, so it's refreshing to see that there are apparently a lot in this one! Just make sure you're able to keep up with the amount of characters you have.
-Description is nice, especially for Madilia's workspace. Kind of reminds me of mine lmao
-Worldbuilding is getting better. I'd like to see where it goes from here, and maybe for you to divulge in more of the inner workings of it sooner? It would be interesting :)
- Arg...I think Kimberly already mentioned this, but Antidepressants and sleeping pills is a pretty big nope as an every day thing. It's like, a SOMETIMES thing for people with extreme bipolar disorder or insomnia, to my knowledge. But either way, if she took all that every day she would probably be in a coma, or have severe liver problems.
- Madilia's reaction to the man that's been haunting her dreams every day for seventeen years was quite...lackluster. "I saw him and screamed." It was a little like "Oh. Well. That came out of nowhere." I would have liked it a little more if you had done a bit more of an extensive run-down of what Madilia was feeling during that time, since it seems like it's going to be a fairly large part of her character development.I know she was shocked, but you didn't really get into her thoughts as it was happening. I think I'll just blame her lack of emotions over it on the fact that she's that drugged up lol
- Didn't really like seeing "Now for another side story" right in the middle of something that was supposed to be kinda really serious. Maybe that would have fit in better when she found out Pranvera had snuck in, which was a more lighthearted moment, but it's overlookable. It just kind of drew away from the intensity of the situation.
I think it was a really good chapter regardless. I hope we get to learn about her "trainer" soon, and that he isn't just evil sounding for the heck of it. lol
| thugdere-extraordinaire chapter 4 . 4/2/2014
yeah It's Kristin I finally decided to make an account so I could review this lmao
So it's not a giant heap of paragraphs I'll just compile my review into pros and cons.
- The names! I mean, that sounds weird, but a lot of the names of characters in science fiction novels are just cringeworthy. I like these, though. Especially Geneva and Besnik.
- Characters/character interaction. I can really say with completely certainty that you've VASTLY improved in creating original characters. I enjoy them, especially, again, Geneva and Besnik. :) Thought it was a little weird that he said Geneva was a good story teller and it was automatically assumed he had a crush on her, but whatever haha. I'm genuinely interested in the characters, which I couldn't say quite as much in your previous stories.
- Worldbuilding. While it could be a little more detailed, and while some kinks definitely need to be worked out, I'm impressed by the way you've handled it. It's an interesting world, I'd like to learn more about it as the story progresses. The only advice I could give is to do a little more research for their government and social constructs, since those seem like they'll be a fairly large part in the progression of the story/plot.
- Overall improvement. It's a huge change, I'm glad you took a break from writing and got to improve so much. It shows!
- Infodumps. You're a tad guilty of randomly dropping in large portions of information or randomly sliding something in like "Oh, and this happened, and I have this power..." It needs to be spread out a little more evenly, but everyone's a little guilty of that. The problem with it is that it changes the pace/tone of the story so much that is can become a little mundane to read.
- Grammar/Punctuation. I can beta your story for you, if you'd like. Most of the problem is the lack of commas, and commas splices and some minor tense issues could be fixed, too. Let me know if you'd like me to help you out.
-Random/Unexplained information. Kind of ties in with the infodump issue. Most of this is about Geneva's powers. It kind of popped out to me as "oh..well..okay then?" when Geneva come out of nowhere saying "Oh, and, by the way, I can control like four elements." Her power also seems to be a bit much? Try to include some limitations for it, as is always needed with elemental manipulation. The others' powers are pretty cool, though. But they all need an eventual explanation!
Overall, it was a very enjoyable read. I'd like to see some of the above issues addressed, but it was very good.
| Kim chapter 4 . 4/2/2014
Worldbuilding in this chapter! I especially liked the bit about people not using woodworks anymore. Everything's chrome in the future! Also, electronic nutcrackers: something I didn't know I wanted until right now. They just sound so cute and whimsical and steampunk-y. I want, like, fifty.
I also like the little hints that the future in this universe (these universes?) isn't so great as it's made out to be, like Cecelia talking about businesses not even bothering with environmentally safe practices anymore. Sure, they plant trees, but what good is that when they kill them all anyway with all the pollution? I started out reading this story thinking their world had completely recovered from the war, but now we know that it hasn't. That probably wasn't meant to come as a surprise, but when I read it I was like "YOOOO" lol. That was probably my favorite part. Scratch that, the whole conversation was my favorite part.
Cecelia and Besnik were adorable (in an older brother and annoying little sister kinda way, of course), Geneva was basically the bestest sister ever (like forreal I would kill to have her as a sister), and I loved reading about their family's backstory, especially the detail about them being so familiar with the Guardians and The Great War's history because of their mom being a history teacher. Idk I get pumped over little details like that.
Did they ever make the connection between their abilities and the fact that Guardians have magicalish powers too? I know I'm gonna have to read to find out but that will not stop me from begging for spoilers :P
I had one problem, though: how would her mother not know her daughter was on anti-depressants? The medical world's really, REALLY strict with how they prescribe that sort of thing. They kinda have to be; antidepressants are a serious medication. She couldn't take herself to see a therapist or a psychiatrist, her parents would have to know. Sometimes people in real life don't even get the antidepressants they need because they're too afraid to ask their parents for an appointment, or because their parents just won't make them an appointment. I just really don't see how her parents wouldn't know she was taking anti-depressants, since they'd have to know she was on them...did she buy them off the street or something? That'd be super dangerous as well; antidepressants can have some pretty awful side-effects (including even increasing suicidal thoughts, ESPECIALLY if you aren't on the right medication for you), especially in teenagers, so Madilia would have had to work closely with a doctor, probably a specialist, to find the right dosage and antidepressant for her specifically. Antidepressants are only prescribed to adolescents after very, VERY extensive evaluation. I'm not sure I articulated what I meant very well, but at least I tried, haha. Maybe their universe just has a huge unchecked drug problem, Still, it'd seem like her not having been prescribed the meds based on her specific needs would've had more of a negative effect on her. Instead, it seems like it helped her, at least a little. Maybe she just got put on a placebo. Like, those little sugarpill things. OK, now I'm just being silly...
I'm actually feeling nervous for her because of all the things that could've gone wrong with that. When medication helps, it REALLY helps, but there's also lots of risks involved, risks that parents have to be aware of.. A lot of time the pros outweigh the cons, but the opposite is true a lot, too.
(I also had a tiny nitpick about their mother's death: did she commit suicide? Maybe my reading comprehension skills are off (who'm I kidding, of course they are lmao), but it didn't seem clear. It sounded like she just...died. Because she was depressed. You don't actually die JUST by suffering from depression for a very long time; it may feel like you are, but unless you're letting yourself waste away physically, which wouldn't happen in a few weeks, or even a few months. Either Geneva, Madilia, or Cecelia would have noticed something was seriously wrong with her if she got to that point.)
Sorry, I'm kinda passionate about stuff relating to mental illness lol. I know it seems kinda nitpicky, and it probably is a little bit, but I really like seeing mental illness portrayed realistically in writing. Misinformation can be very, very harmful.
But Madilia's obviously mostly recovered from her depression despite losing BOTH of her parents, one after the other, AND is a FASHION DESIGNER to boot despite how hard it is to get into that career, and she's rich (or at least comfortably upper middle class) despite living on/working on a planet that's so poor because it's still recovering from a frigging WAR, so I pretty much have all kinds of respect for her character right now. I literally cannot wait to see her start kicking people's asses. Feminine, but still a badass. Like a sci-fi Buffy or something, haha. New fave character.
I'm writing this on like, less than four hours of sleep, so I'm not sure I explained what I felt about everything very well, but hey, at least this review is longer, even if it is rambley...I just know I'm going to read this later and find 8 million typos...oh well.
Now I will patiently wait for the next chapter c:
| Marlowe chapter 3 . 3/28/2014
Wow. Really, this is great! Such a unique idea. How did you come up with it? I love the idea of the different dimensions. Reminds me of Thor. :)
I'd love to read more about the sisters' personalities! They're so interesting! Are any of them based on friends or family members?
I especially love how there are special requirements for the three sister Guardians. Those stipulations really make sense and set up your readers to predict which of your characters will take each part (yay foreshadowing!). Also, your characters all seem to fit those roles well with their personalities! Nice job!
My only suggestions for improvement: watch your grammar (mainly punctuation) and don't be afraid to spend a little time on descriptions. It's always great for your readers to be able to totally imagine this unique, imaginative world that you've created. Figuring out what to say between dialogue and figuring out how to set the scene were always the hardest parts for me as a writer. It takes practice!
I'm honored that you asked me to read your work and I can't wait to see how your story progresses!
| Kim chapter 3 . 3/25/2014
Wow. Okay, that was pretty intense. And now I have to wait for Chapter 3 :(
I'm guessing Madilia seeing the ghost thing (i don't know what to call it sorry) of her mother has to do with her Guardian powers? Badass. And also sad. But still. I'm also curious as to where her father is. Is he still alive, or is he just not a ghost-person-thingie?
And yep, Cecilia is now officially cemented as my favorite character. So far. Madilia, Geneva, and Besnik are a three-way tie in second place. I can't choose ok :(
Besnik and Geneva were also cute in this chapter but what else is new? :P
I'm also interested in seeing whoever was throwing fireballs around in Madilia's dream. It kinda creeped me out considering that Geneva's powers are element-related. I was like "WHOA IS SHE SECRETLY EVIL i still love her tho" but then I quickly figured out it couldn't be her, considering it was a dude. My reading comprehension skills are seriously off tbh
whenever i remember my password i'll review as an actual person