Reviews for Heroes of Sorra: Book One
elemein chapter 46 . 1/3/2015
Sounds like we'll be hearing a lot more about Nowi :) Great book, well done Star!

I look forward to learning more about Nowi, Frost Industries, the scythe wielders, and other things in the story that aren't given quite too much information. Though of course I trust you if you take a different direction :)
elemein chapter 45 . 12/30/2014
Well, I guess I'll be looking forward to tomorrow, along with the new year :)

Before I get to the content of the story, I have to say my usual... Just fix your tenses :/ It got really messy with confusing "shot" and "shoot" and "knock" and "knocked". It's very jarring. Just gotta proofread more.

Anyways, definitely impressed with this chapter's content. I do like the ideas that Katharine got with using her arrows as an escape tool, along with using it to break the device. Definitely more entertaining than see them fight something that they definitely wouldn't have been able to do without some smart thinking. I can't help but wonder why Roberto seemed weaker this time around though...

Anyways, I look forward to another book to answer all the currently unanswered questions :) As usual, I'll be here to review it.
elemein chapter 44 . 12/30/2014
So just quickly; as usual you're confusing to and too, but I'll end that there.

This chapter makes me wonder as to who Scarlett was talking to in her room. If she's happy Steven loves her, then the person who was yelling at her wouldn't have been a boyfriend or something, it mustve been something like her father or similar... I wonder who.
elemein chapter 43 . 12/30/2014
I do like the flashback, just curious as to the significance of the locket :o Unless you just felt like writing a flashback up, which is fine.

As usual; confusing then and than, to and too.
elemein chapter 42 . 12/30/2014
Odd chapter, not in a bad way though. I find that you use the word "earn" a lot... May wanna tone down on it, makes the reader kinda "drone" on because they already know exactly what to expect. That someone earned a laugh.

Anyways, I definitely what's going on with Scarlett and why Nowi lied. She didn't seem to be the lying type.
elemein chapter 41 . 12/30/2014
Well done on the long chapter!

You're improving as a writer, but still little things here and there. Confusing "their" and "there" as usual, along with repeating words a lot. It's okay though.

I don't agree with the decision to kick off three garrison members from the group. Even though it was done in a way to be considerate of them, it may end up getting the main group killed. Not a good decision on their part, in my mind. Also, I definitely don't think the group is strong enough to fend off Roberto OR have strong enough magic to get rid of the Stone. Really didn't help that they kicked half of the fighting force of their group away. I don't know how this'll pan out.
elemein chapter 40 . 12/23/2014
Well done on the chapter!

Not many errors at all and everything else seems just fine. Very well done!

As for the content; I definitely didn't know Nowi was the type of person to lose her cool and say stuff like that. Really quite interesting. I guess everyone does have their limits, just didn't know Scarlett's were longer than Nowi's.
elemein chapter 39 . 12/21/2014
Hey there, back as usual :)

Your proofreading was very good this time around. I didn't find too much wrong besides lack of punctuation here and there and some trip ups with sentence structure. Though it seems that at the rate you're putting out these chapters, the writing is a bit... No offense, but the awkward narration is back, and the character's emotions are a bit flimsy. Katharine goes from afraid to angry to trusting Roberto to sad about her parents to angry again then when she wakes up she goes from sad to angry all within likely a span of a few minutes. Emotional roller coasters are indeed a thing, but the transition was a bit forced. You could've given her more time in the vision to trust Roberto just a tiny bit more to make the scene a bit more authentic. Just my opinion, though, do as you like :)

Good job, again!
elemein chapter 38 . 12/21/2014
Hrm... I definitely enjoy Scarlett getting some worthwhile foreground time, as she's usually an irrelevant side character. It's interesting to see more of someone like her. I also wonder what Daniel meant by having "four pains"; who are the other people that him and his band of bandits are targeting? Why are they targeting anyone to begin with? Interesting.

Nonetheless, even though this chapter was short there was a couple things here and there I'd like to point out :/ Your proofreading is certainly improving, but again you're confusing then & than, and you're also missing some commas. The narration with Scarlett also feels a little... cumbersome; perhaps you're not comfortable with her yet? And lastly, while you explained the jumping tactic before, it seems a little weird that it seems to work just fine on literally every Zaktar besides Shade and Falcrow (and it works on Falcrow it they're low). Sortof makes most minor Zaktar a non-threat... Not complaining or anything, just seems a little bit of a mundane tactic to wipe out some 80% of Zaktar they ever run into.

Either way, well done on the chapter again! :) As usual I'll be around to read the next one!
elemein chapter 37 . 12/20/2014
Before I forget; just gonna touch over a few things that seem consistent in your writing that should change; confusing then and than, confusing you're and your, and missing commas.

Apologies for putting that out so bluntly, just didn't want to forget. I can see you're putting a lot more effort into proofreading, and that's great as it's showing, but it seems like you may be skimming over those errors and not detecting they're errors, therefore making it not possible to fix them.

Anyways, well done on another chapter! Unfortunately, this is more or less the first chapter where someone from the "party" dies (being, one of the guards. Likely not a super important character, but a death is a death and you handled it fairly well.) I also really enjoy the banter that goes between the party and the troupe of elite guards from the city- and of course I love that they're actually useful and not glorified training dummies. As for your author's note, I agree, this chapter does seem to have a bit of a different tone than the rest; likely because of all the dark stuff that happened. That's not necessarily a bad thing though :)

Well done!
elemein chapter 36 . 12/14/2014
I definitely see more description making it's way in, which really helps set the tone and setting for the scene which really helps the reader. I also noticed a lot less proofreading-related errors (still mixing up than and then, but thats okay :) ), so good on you! I can see the improvement from Ch1 to now and that's really good as it means you're growing as a writer, well done!

As for the chapter itself, I'm a little worried with Nowi being "weak" and Daniel being on a time line, as it means he may attack when she's injured... And as far as I know, Scarlett is as good in a fight as a soggy pool noodle, so... well I can't see that going well. Here's hoping everything goes fine...
elemein chapter 35 . 12/13/2014
Okay, writing while reading again... Please give the world chuckled a break :( It's tired.

Okay done reading. Finally caught up! :P Time to write some more, eh?

Anyways, I like the introduction of the guards. Should be fun to have way more characters to have with the party! I really do hope they're "skilled" though, and not like the other guards with are little more than barely competent fighters. Should be interesting though.

Also enjoyed having Katharine and Steven having a family moment. Made me realize I really do want Katharine to find someone to end up with since Steven's off with Scarlett.

Anyways, thanks for your work! I enjoyed reading the past 35 chapters and look forward to more :)
elemein chapter 34 . 12/13/2014
Just as I said Scarlett and Nowi should be fine, they're not. Well if that isn't a twist. Though, just like Nowi, I'm seriously wondering how she got there. If you can explain it well, I'll be damned impressed :P Anyways, well done on the chapter! Only one more and I'll be fully caught up!
elemein chapter 33 . 12/13/2014
There we go, much better :P

I'm definitely worried over what will happen with Scarlett watching over the room, though I'm sure with Nowi there, everything will be fine. It would've been interesting to see Scarlett also being able to hold her own in a fight, but with her saying she'll scream if someone breaks in, that dashes that thought. Oh well, she's still an interesting girl.

Another great job! Keep writing and Ill keep reading, I'm starting to catch up fully :P
elemein chapter 32 . 12/13/2014
Well, this chapter really needs a lot of proofreading :/ And some things in it seemed kinda forced. Sorry to be negative right off the bat, but yeah. It's just that all the other chapters were quite a bit better. Maybe you were tired when you wrote this or "out of it" or something? Not sure, either way will keep writing, and you should keep writing! :)
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