|Reviews for The Fate of our World|
| SuperWhoLockedRavenclawDemigod chapter 21 . 1/10/2015
This is an amazing story! It deserves so much more reviews. Great job! :3
| Guest chapter 1 . 8/14/2014
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| A Fire Rose chapter 1 . 5/11/2014
Hey, there! So I really like the first paragraph in particular. There is enough description to get a strong feel for what is happening without it being too heavy. It feels like watching them from distance at this point. Not a bad thing, but not positive that's what you aimed for. I did think it was sort of random and unlikely that they would just wander into the woods and find an abandoned cabin, though. And Levi sounds more like a Point Break character than a Californian, so that seems a little stereotyped :-P
Sometimes you switch between past and present tense. And you switch between making the reader feel like they're part of the group of friends and like they're standing at a distance watching. The variation here is not a bad thing either, but in case you did not intend it, there you go!
There is a little more of a high school feel than a college feel. Unless they're freshmen. That could make sense. Especially Calum's clothes. And I think the potato stereotype is for the Irish :-P
Nice use of "derelict."
How do they know where the stairs lead before they go down? I do like the dare to eat the canned food :-P Nice start!
| loveroflanguage chapter 2 . 3/23/2014
Congrats! In Chapter One you got me to crack a smile! (I usually read online work straight-faced). While I like your story so far, it is somewhat slow-paced. It was your great descriptive skills that convinced me to keep reading. However, some of your sentences are awkwardly phrased, so I would do another edit. Please continue!
| CecilyKrane chapter 1 . 3/17/2014
I liked how this started up. Its a super tiny thing, but i'm not sure I would have her say "its a magical zoo" twice in the last paragraph of dialouge. It just broke up the flow a tad.
Thats just a dumb little thing. I thoguht the writing was good! I'm looking forward to more.