|Reviews for As Told by the Reviewer|
| Cthulhu's Priest chapter 3 . 4/14/2014
Unfortunate that the Protagonist is now largely back where she started not long ago, adding in one extra food vacuum on top of that as well.
I myself am not currently spewing ideas wildly into the air for the immediate future. More so, I find myself violently shooting ideas into the far-flung future. Specifically upon the dynamic between the child and lass as well as their 'destinies'. The rank though intriguing globule of an idea I have in my mind is to see her remain the focus of the story though as a caretaker and nurturer to a sort of [Person of Great Importance] that the child shall become.
In the splurge of my mind I find this idea an entertaining one in relation to myself, though of course whatever inspiration or lack thereof you take from my input will do in any case.
Sending a fond burble of farewell,
| Helen Cole chapter 3 . 4/7/2014
I am still so amazed at your writing expertise! Your skill is incredible. Do you have any books published? because I will buy them. Really.
Btw- I'm curious about the age of the boy.
| Guest chapter 2 . 3/30/2014
Thanks for the shout out on my first review! I still think this concept us awesome and again, I am torn about suggesting a topic because you probably have better ideas. (Although you executed my questionable idea very well so far.)
Maybe I'll give a few ideas for you to choose from:
some kind of animal that follows them, as the guardian of the little boy
They are greeted by faries
A magical musical instrument that has limited powers to heal our
| Cthulhu's Priest chapter 2 . 3/30/2014
Ah, Chapter Numero Dos.
Speakin' like a right native of Mehicana I'd say. Anyway, ignoring my fluent understanding of foreign speech mannerisms and onwards to the story itself.
Again a short chapter, while I would deride this in any other story, this is one of the contexts in which the shortness is a necessity and works towards benefiting the story as a whole. Personally I feel as though the character doesn't really have reason to be so suspicious of the Spirit Orb being a fraud. In my own thoughts I had envisioned such a character to feel themselves blessed/cursed. Though perhaps I am simply missing something or ignorant of some trait or opinion involved in the Protagonist's thoughts.
The inclusion of this mystery child in the story however intrigues me with the potential. In any case, I cast my lot in with returning to rescue the child, even if the kid's dead when she gets there, there's bound to be food or supplies of some kind that would help her survive, maybe even a map of some sort, if she knows how to read it anyway.
Signed, Faithful, Enlightened, and Preacher,
| Cthulhu's Priest chapter 1 . 3/25/2014
Jubilant Greetings fine Sir/Madame!
Hmm, considering the 'criteria' for reviews to be given I'll go with a separated format.
In terms of what I would personally like to see happen next in story, I plainly agree with the afore reviewer, Aryk Von Straln (oddly named fellow, but regardless), in that it would be interesting to see the orbs shown without a doubt as spirits of the dead. It would be a nice examination of character to see that knowledge explored. After all, how WOULD one feel knowing, without reasonable doubt, that the dead forever "walk" the earth? Beyond that, I would suggest, as a voice of reason, that finding a way to the nearest town/village/block of civilized dirt post haste. Stranded in the forest with no survival skills is certain death after all.
Now, for the next bit, the criticism, there's really one problem I have with the story, that would be pacing. I can understand and even support the skimping on details in the beginning chapter of a reviewer-driven story and character, it would be very difficult bordering on impractical to illustrate minute detail in that situation. But the story thus far feels as though it jumps from bed, sprints down the stairs, a quick wave to character C and Father Figure A before vaulting out the window to fight criminals. Perhaps this 'quickness' is simply to allow reviewer-given detail, and I'll withhold any judgment I have until the story actually gets going.
You have my best wishes, Sir/Madame, and I bid thee farewell and fair warning. You have my attention, I look forward to seeing where you take me.
Signed, Magnificent Sir, Gentleman, and Worshipper,
| Aryk von Straln chapter 1 . 3/25/2014
Hrm...so what do we have to work with here? A slave girl, one well treated but a slave never-the-less, of unknown age but from the sounds of it in exceptional physical shape. Her key defining feature being eyes that most people, at least around the village she grew up in, believe mark someone as cursed or blessed though she isn't sure which she might fall under. A fascination with these Spirit Orb, which may or may not be the souls of the departed come back from beyond, which possess some form of intelligence judging from the reaction to the impending attack. Loss of the closest thing she considers family during said attack and she finds herself completely and utterly alone in the aftermath and lost on top of all her other problems.
That's actually a good amount of material to work with. How about this? When she finally wakes Atia realizes that even without being terrified out of her wits she still doesn't have a clue where she is or even which way the village was thanks to how thick the forest is and an unfortunate lack of forestry skills, seeing as she and her fellows probably didn't have to forage or hunt and such to compensate for lack of proper meals, and suffers a minor breakdown. At least until a voice she recognizes rouses her from her misery.
Servius' voice. Only problem being that despite the fact that it sounds like he's standing right next to her the man isn't anywhere in sight. The only thing Atia can see is a Spirit Orb hovering at her shoulder and it's something of a shock for her to realize that it is the Orb speaking to her, that it is actually Servius' spirit there to see that she is safe before moving on to the Beyond. To that end he leads her back to village, which did manage to drive off the raiders though not without great cost. There are dozens of Spirit Orbs floating around and, to Atia's shock, she can hear them as well.
Villagers cursing their killers or crying over loved ones who also died or were left behind, even raiders complaining loudly about how embarrassing it is to be killed by a bunch of country hicks or some such. Servius unfortunately doesn't have an answer as to why she can suddenly hear the spirits of the dead and, now that he's assured that she is safe once again, moves on to the Beyond.
...didn't mean for that to come out like a chapter summary but the basic idea still stands, Atia for some reason can now speak to and understand Spirit Orbs which are actually souls that have yet to actually pass on for whatever reason. I have a couple of ideas as to why but I'll leave it as is right now unless you are interested in hearing them.
| Helen Cole chapter 1 . 3/25/2014
Wow! I can't even wrap my mind around how unbelievable well this is written! I should hope you are a published author by now. I found not even a blemish in this story, though the bit of gore makes me squeamish, just like the main character. I'm afraid to even suggest a topic as I don't want to distract from the story you've already set in motion. Maybe it could involve a baby or a young child. i.e. Maybe the child could save her and have magical powers he/she doesn't even know about?
Again, amazing writing!